Moron of the Month -January 2025

Okay, it pains me to do this one.   But, with the outgoing President winding up in a few days, this will be the last chance I get to bestow this honor.

Oh, not on the President himself, even though he has long been one of the most crooked politicians ever to set foot in Washington.  Nope, that would be too easy and, frankly, I have grown to feel sorry for the guy.  I mean, even the leftist of the biggest leftists now admit something they have failed to acknowledge for the past four years.

The President has had the onset of dementia all along.   We all saw the signs back when.  But it was largely ignored.

And the biggest person to do that ignoring has to be First Lady Dr. Jill Biden.

She was in on the ruse all along and what she has done to her husband is borderline senior abuse.

I ask why.

Was she enamored by the spotlight and the lure of magazine covers like you see above?  I mean, she's always been five pounds of potatoes in a ten pound bag.  There's no great substance to her.   And she's not really a medical doctor.

Was it worth putting her husband...and the country, for that matter...through these machinations? Does she really care?

The good news is that we are now officially done with this selfish harpie.   We've seen her future and it is clearly deserved.

Here's the wash cloth, Jill. Wipe the oatmeal off your husband's shirt.

Dinner last night:  Chef's salad.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - January 6, 2025

Pearl Bailey, my grandmother's favorite entertainer, was a powerful singer but also very funny.  Enjoy her attempt to include Ed Sullivan in her song.

Dinner last night:  Sausage, peppers, and onions.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - The MTM Book

 

 Over the Christmas break, one of those retro TV channels ran a marathon of the "Mary Tyler Moore Show" and, one more time, I couldn't resist.   One of my favorite TV shows of all kind.   

And it got me to reminiscing one more time.

A few years after MTM went off the air, I was totally engrossed in the reruns which generally played night after night at the time.  Enough time had passed since the infamous final episode where the entire WJM News team, sans Ted, got fired.  I thought it was high time to bring it back.  Well, at least in a book that would be all about the Mary Tyler Moore Show production.

The number of books I had written to date?  None.

I didn't care.  So, along with my friend. Djinn from the Bronx, as co-writer on the project, we forged ahead in attempting to contact all those folks who had a hand in the making of the Mary Tyler Moore Show.  To entice their participation, we included a little pop quiz on MTM trivia.  Hopefully, it would have a two-fold benefit.  They could be pleasantly amused.  And also aware that we knew our stuff.

Back in those days, there was no e-mail or Facebook.  Our major attempt at contact?  A letter enclosed in an envelope with a stamp on it.  Amazingly, we got some responses.

Show creator Allan Burns wrote back and corrected some spelling mistakes on our quiz.

Writer Lorenzo Music, who had voiced "Carlton the Doorman" on Rhoda, offered any help he could.   "I know what I know."

Henry Winkler, who had one of his first TV acting stints in a MTM episode, would help if he knew the name of our agent.

Linda Kelsey, who also had one of her first TV acting job in a MTM episode, would help if she knew the name of our agent.  Perhaps she had just eaten lunch with Henry Winkler.

Walter Cronkite, yes, that Walter Cronkite, would commit to giving us five minutes.

Writer Treva Silverman wanted to know how we had found her address.

We had held back on approaching the cast as we figured they would fall in line if the original writers had agreed.

And then one letter hit a real bulls eye.  One night, I got a phone call from an executive secretary.

For Grant Tinker, the former husband of Mary and the one time head of MTM Enterprises.  At this moment, he just happened to be the president of the entire NBC TV network.

Ummm.

Would I be available for a call from him the following night at 6PM?

Gulp.

He was very interested in what we were doing and would be happy to help.

I wanted to replied that I should be revived from my dead faint by tomorrow at 6PM.   Instead, I simply stammered "yes" and "goodbye."

Somehow, I got through the next day.  And thought the entire time that, at 6PM, Grant Tinker, the grand pooh of NBC Television, would be calling me on the kitchen wall phone in my North Broadway, Yonkers apartment.  I suddenly began to panic.  I envisioned a complete telephone system shutdown that stretched across Westchester County.  Or worse?  A phone call from a friend that just wouldn't shut up.

I decided that all personal relationships on that day were suspended.  I had time for no one but Grant Tinker at 6PM.

Starting at 530PM, I parked myself on the kitchen stool and didn't flinch.  I wanted to be ready.   And then I started to think about stupid details.

Could I possibly say "hello" without my voice cracking like a teenager going through puberty?

How many rings should I allow?  Picking it up on the first ring would convey a sense of anxiousness.  Allowing more than two rings might be rude.  Back in the 80s, there was no way to check out protocol on the internet.  There was no internet.

As the digital clock on my then-very clunky microwave oven clicked from 559PM to 600PM, the phone rang.  NBC was the number one network at the time.  And, apparently along with the ratings crown, promptness was also a part of "Must See TV."  I went for the second ring pick-up and answered not with a "hello" but my name.

"Hold on please for Mr. Grant Tinker."

Yeah, I think I can manage that.  I fantasized that he was wrapping a phone conversation with Ted Danson.

"Hi, Len."

Wow, first name basis right off the bat.  I like this guy.  I called him "Mr. Tinker."

He was pleased that somebody was taking the time to chronicle MTM and that I apparently had a passion for what they had created.  He loved our quiz with or without the spelling mistakes cited by Allan Burns.  And then Mr. Tinker offered to set up access for us to look at all the historical records for the show which had been donated to the University of Wisconsin.  Why there, I asked?

"They were the first ones who asked."

Oh.

Of course, after about twenty minutes of an incredibly congenial dialogue, we got around to the main event of questions.  How would I get the cast to participate?

"They all will.  But you'll never get Mary."

Mary. 

I was on the phone with Grant Tinker discussing his ex-wife.  Hello???

Mr. Tinker (I figured that if Mary could keep calling Lou "Mr. Grant", I should do the same thing with Grant) elaborated that, despite the success of the show, she wasn't looking to relive the past at that point.  Her son had killed himself right after the series went off the air.  She had just embarked on a new marriage.  

"She's trying to move forward and doesn't want to look back."

Oh.  Well, that sucks.  My thought, not a statement.

While he pledged his help, Mr. Tinker didn't think the book would be as robust and compelling without his ex-wife's participation.  And I tended to agree.  

But, still, it was an exciting phone conversation.

Ultimately, there was no book to pursue.  And, about five years later, when there was one authored by these two lofty media culture professors, it was dull as dirt.  

And, among all the acknowledgements, there was no mention of Mary.  Mr. Tinker knew from what he was talking about.

Within the last two weeks, I discovered that there is yet another book about the series coming out.  Entitled "Mary and Lou and Ted and Rhoda," I am hoping that this time somebody got it right.  I totally expect it was a lot easier to get a hold of the cast for participation.  After all, the phone likely doesn't ring as much as it used to for the likes of Edward Asner and Valerie Harper.  Maybe I should have revisited it.  Perhaps a lost opportunity.

As for my buddy Mr. Tinker, I would run into him a few times once I moved to Los Angeles.  At a car wash.  In a French restaurant.  I was at the next table.  He was clearly having a romantic evening out.  At the Daily Grill where he was having lunch at the next booth with MTM director Jay Sandrich.  We were seated with legendary Lucy writer Madelyn Pugh Davis.  With some trepidation, she felt compelled to go and say hello to them.

I'm glad she didn't offer to introduce us.  I doubt that Mr. Tinker would have remembered calling me in my Yonkers kitchen about two decades ago.

Or maybe he would have.

Anyway, let me salute the Mary Tyler Moore Show one more time with this wonderfully rare clip.  The curtain call that was broadcast only once after the original airing of the series finale.  One of a kind memory.

Just like the show itself.  And sadly, everyone in that cast.  Now gone.

Dinner last night:  Frankfurters.

Classic TV Commercial of the Month - January 2025

 It starts all the time.

Dinner last night:  Had a huge lunch so just some ice cream.

Happy New Mugs 2025

 

That's not a receding hairline.   That's one major evacuation.

Oh, my God!  They've arrested that guy from "Kung Fu!"

"Gee, the color didn't look this bad on the box."

 Orange Really is the New Black.

 He drinks what he wears.

 Trying to see the convict through the trees.

Now that's some precise barbering.

Yeah, we know.

Those Lancome chemical peels aren't always what they're supposed to be.

 Now that's talent!

Who's got some Tylenol?

Shoplifting....and a stroke.  All in one afternoon.

Just wait till some of the boys on the inside see what you can do with that tongue.

Dinner last night:  Hot dogs.

A Box of Goobers and a Vomit Bag

 

The week between Christmas and New Year's Day is one when you really want to see a movie.   Even though the Oscars are now irrelevant, a lot of the "buzz" films hit the theaters and command your attention.

I saw glowing reviews for this Nicole Kidman movie called "Babygirl."  I looked at the plot.  A businesswoman has an affair with one of her company interns.  Hmmm.   I did an internship at college but my mentor was not Nicole Kidman, but a short, bald-headed gnome.  Still, there was enough information for me to give this film a ride.

Famous first...and last words.   Because, as it turns out, "Babygirl" just might be one of the top five worst movies I've ever seen.  It's repulsive in so many ways that I can't begin to list them all.  Kidman plays a CEO of an AI company (yes, there is such a thing) and happily married to Antonio Banderas because they moan a lot during sex.   But you know there's a problem because when Banderas is done, Kidman goes in the other room and masturbates.

Of course, she's still not happy and she hooks up with a young stud who curtails her need to masturbate.  Oh, well.   Meanwhile, they both work in the same company but apparently Human Resources is on a break this week.

Yes, there's lots more sex and moaning and sex and writhing and sex and wet fingers.   But since the characters are so damn unlikeable that you don't give a shit what happens at the end.   Meanwhile, all along the way, the movie presents you with this nauseating Euro-trash soundtrack that will make you pray for deafness.  And, in a rarity in snooty Hollywood, the audience booed when the film was over.

This is what I get for trying to give a movie theater some in-person love.   Yeesh!

LEN'S RATING:  No stars.

Dinner last night: Leftover Chinese food. 

This Date in History - January 1

 Happy new year!   Hey, wait till you see all the crap that's happened on this date when most people should be doing nothing but dealing with a hangover.  Spoiler alert: it's not a day to sleep late if you're a king or an emperor.

153 BC:  ROMAN CONSULS BEGIN THEIR YEAR IN OFFICE.

Talk about your term limits.

45 BC:  THE JULIAN CALENDAR TAKES EFFECT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Please notify Hallmark.

42 BC:  THE ROMAN SENATE POSTHUMOUSLY DEIFIES JULIUS CAESAR.

Now there's somebody who is sleeping late today.

193:  THE SENATE CHOOSES PERTINAX AGAINST HIS WILL TO SUCCEED COMMODUS AS ROMAN EMPEROR.

Pertinax sounds like something you would take so you can stop puking into the commodus.

404:  AN INFURIATED ROMAN MOB TEARS TELEMACHUS, A CHRISTIAN MONK, TO PIECES FOR TRYING TO STOP A GLADIATOR FIGHT.

Telemachus the Roman Buzzkill.

 1068:  ROMANOS IV DIOGENES MARRIES EUDOKIA MAKREMBOLITISSA AND IS CROWNED BYZANTINE EMPEROR.

Okey Eudokia.

1259:  MICHAEL VIII PALAIOLOGOS IS PROCLAIMED CO-EMPEROR OF THE EMPIRE OF NICAEA WITH HIS JOHN IV LASKARIS.

That sentence looks like a typing test.

1438: ALBERT II OF HABSBURG IS CROWNED KING OF HUNGARY.

And so it starts.

1515:  KING FRANCIS I OF FRANCE SUCCEEDS TO THE FRENCH THRONE.

And starts...

1527:  CROATIAN NOBLES ELECT FERDINAND I OF AUSTRIA AS KING OF CROATIA.

And starts...

1651:  CHARLES II IS CROWNED KING OF SCOTLAND.

And starts....

1707:  JOHN V IS CROWNED KING OF PORTUGAL.

Enough already.

1772:  THE FIRST TRAVELERS CHEQUES GO ON SALE IN LONDON.

Finally, some news not involving a crown.

1773:  THE HYMN KNOWN AS "AMAZING GRACE" IS FIRST USED IN OLNEY, ENGLAND.

What did they play at funerals prior to 1773?

1776:  DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, NORFOLK, VIRGINA IS BURNED BY THE ROYAL NAVY.

Well, that's not cricket.

1801:  THE LEGISLATIVE UNION OF GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND IS COMPLETED TO FORM THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND.

Yeah, that'll work long term.

1804:  FRENCH RULES END IN HAITI, WHICH THEN BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK REPUBLIC.

Mount Vernon, New York being the second.

1808:  THE IMPORTATION OF SLAVES INTO THE US IS BANNED.

Sorry, we're full.

1860:  THE FIRST POLISH STAMP IS ISSUED.

And came back "postage due."

 1863:  THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION TAKES EFFECT IN CONFEDERATE TERRITORY DURING THE CIVIL WAR.

Remember when you had to learn how to spell it in school.

1877:  QUEEN VICTORIA OF THE UNITED KINGDOM IS PROCLAIMED EMPRESS OF INDIA.

Empress of India, I believe, is a restaurant on Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica.

1890:  THE ROSE PARADE IS FIRST HELD IN PASADENA, CALIFORNIA.

Which makes the first Rose Queen about 144 years old.

1892:  ELLIS ISLAND OPENS TO BEGIN PROCESSING IMMIGRANTS INTO THE UNITED STATES.

Back in the day when you actually wanted people to come into this country.

1895:  FBI DIRECTOR J. EDGAR HOOVER IS BORN.

Rat bastard.

1898:  NEW YORK, NEW YORK ANNEXES LAND FROM SURROUNDING COUNTIES TO CREATE THE CITY OF NY.  THE FIVE BOROUGHS ARE ESTABLISHED.

So, the song didn't come first??

1900:  BANDLEADER XAVIER CUGAT IS BORN.

Which makes him like 144 years older than Charo.

1902:  THE FIRST AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL BOWL GAME IS HELD AS THE ROSE BOWL IS PLAYED IN PASADENA.

And now there are over 144 bowl games every January 1.

1908:  FOR THE FIRST TIME, A BALL IS DROPPED IN TIMES SQUARE AT MIDNIGHT.

Dick Clark on hand for the festivities.

1919:  BOXER ROCKY GRAZIANO IS BORN.

Somebody up there sure did like his mother.

1925:  ACTOR MATTHEW BEARD IS BORN.

Stymie!!!!!

1932:  THE US POST OFFICE ISSUES A SET OF 12 STAMPS COMMEMORATING THE 200TH ANNIVERSARY OF GEORGE WASHINGTON'S BIRTH.

Collect the set.

1934:  ALCATRAZ ISLAND BECOMES A US FEDERAL PRISON.

Notify Burt Lancaster.

1934:  NAZI GERMANY PASSES THE LAW FOR "THE PREVENTION OF GENETICALLY DISEASED OFFSPRING."

Spoiler alert: they really started to enforce this.

1937:  SAFETY GLASS IN VEHICLE WINDSCREENS BECOMES MANDATORY IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.

What the hell did they use for this?  Tissue paper??

1943:  ACTOR DON NOVELLO IS BORN.

Father Guido Sarducci!!

1953:  COUNTRY SINGER HANK WILLIAMS DIES.

Your Not Pulsating Heart.

1954:  NBC MAKES THE FIRST NATIONAL COLOR BROADCAST WITH THEIR TELECAST OF THE ROSE PARADE.

Cue the peacock.

1962:  THE US NAVY SEALS ARE ESTABLISHED.

Much to Osama Bin Laden's chagrin.

1966:  A TWELVE DAY NYC TRANSIT STRIKE BEGINS.

With that dirtbag union leader Michael Quill telling the judges to "drop dead in their black robes."

1971:  CIGARETTE ADVERTISEMENTS ARE BANNED ON AMERICAN TELEVISION.

"Winston tastes good like a........................."

1972:  SINGER MAURICE CHEVALIER DIES.

Every little breeze seems to whisper "you're dead."

1984:  THE ORIGINAL BELL TELEPHONE SYSTEM COMPANIES ARE DIVESTED IN AN ANTI-TRUST SUIT.

Ooops, I can't get a dial tone.

1987:  ACTOR LLOYD HAYNES DIES.

 Crypt 222.

1990:  DAVID DINKINS IS SWORN IN AS NYC'S MAYOR.

A black day in the city's history.  And, yes, I wrote that.

1994:  ACTOR CESAR ROMERO DIES.

This he didn't find funny.

1997:  DIPLOMAT KOFI ANNAN IS APPOINTED SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS.

Which means he can park anywhere he wants in the borough of Manhattan.

2001:  ACTOR RAY WALSTON DIES.

To Mars and way, way beyond.

2013:  SINGER PATTI PAGE DIES.

How much is that casket in the window?

2014:  ACTRESS JUANITA MOORE DIES.

She was in "Imitation of Life."  You can finish this joke any way you like.

2015:  POLITICIAN MARIO CUOMO DIES.

He left us with two dopey sons and a bridge.

2015:  ACTRESS DONNA DOUGLAS DIES.

And the critters all weep around the cement pond.

2020:   BASEBALL PITCHER DON LARSEN DIES.

No longer perfect.

Dinner last night:  Spicy honey chicken from Chin Chin.