Wednesday, August 22, 2018

This Date in History - August 22

Happy birthday, Rhoda.  Sorry things didn't work out with Joe.

392:  ARBOGAST HAS EUGENIUS ELECTED WESTERN ROMAN EMPEROR.

So the Roman Empire had divisions like the National League?

476:  ODOACER IS NAMED REX ITALIAE BY HIS TROOPS.

And Lerner and Loewe named Rex Harrison to be Henry Higgins.

565:  ST. COLUMBA REPORTS SEEING A MONSTER IN LOCH NESS, ENGLAND.

And what Loch Ness tavern did St. Columbia stop at on his way home?

851:  DURING THE BATTLE OF JENGLAND, ERISPOE DEFEATS CHARLES THE BALD.

No, that's not a typo.   I wrote it correctly.  Jengland.

1559:  BARTOLOME CARRANZA, SPANISH ARCHBISHOP, IS ARRESTED FOR HERESY.

If he was nabbed in a foreign country, he would be arrested for theresy.

1642:  CHARLES I CALLS THE ENGLISH PARLIAMENT TRAITORS AS THEIR CIVIL WAR BEGINS.

Traitors may not be the worst thing.   It's bad enough they have to wear those goofy white wigs.

1654:  JACOB BARSIMSON ARRIVES IN NEW AMSTERDAM AND IS THE FIRST KNOWN JEWISH IMMIGRANT TO AMERICA.

Of course, in the phone book, he was listed as "Jack Barr."

1717:  SPANISH TROOPS LAND IN SARDINIA.

Home of the canned fish.

1791:  BEGINNING OF THE HAITIAN SLAVE REVOLUTION IN SAINT-DOMINGUE.

And when they were done there, they moved en masse to my hometown of Mount Vernon, New York.

1831:  NAT TURNER'S SLAVE REVOLUTION COMMENCES AT MIDNIGHT IN VIRGINIA.

And the special entertainment that night came from Nat's sister, Tina.

1848:  THE UNITED STATES ANNEXES NEW MEXICO.

Fitting name given the holes in the fence on their southern border.

1862:  COMPOSER CLAUDE DEBUSSY IS BORN.

La Mer!

1864:  THE RED CROSS IS FORMED.

Donuts for everybody!

1893:  WRITER DOROTHY PARKER IS BORN.

Famed for one of my favorite literary lines:  "If you've got nothing good to say about somebody, come sit by me."

1902:  CADILLAC MOTOR COMPANY IS FORMED.

Gas guzzling had to start some time.

1902:  TEDDY ROOSEVELT BECOMES THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE US TO RIDE IN AN AUTOMOBILE.

I bet he was smart enough to keep the top on it.

1920:  WRITER RAY BRADBURY IS BORN.

And he died just last month.

1925:  ACTRESS HONOR BLACKMAN IS BORN.

Pussy Galore!  Enough said.

1926:  GOLD IS DISCOVERED IN SOUTH AFRICA.

In them thar apartheid hills.

1932:  THE BBC FIRST EXPERIMENTS WITH TELEVISION BROADCASTING.

Thank God.   Without this day, we would never have gotten "Downton Abbey."

1939:  ACTRESS VALERIE HARPER IS BORN.

I once saw her get in the head with a roll at a restaurant.   True story.  Meanwhile, she's still hanging in there after that cancer diagnosis several years ago.

1939:  BASEBALL STAR CARL YASTRZEMSKI IS BORN.

Ya, bum, ya.

1942:  DURING WORLD WAR II, BRAZIL DECLARES WAR ON GERMANY AND ITALY.

Oh, I bet that really scared them.

1947:  ACTRESS CINDY WILLIAMS IS BORN.

Schlamiegel, schlamogel.

1950:  ALTHEA GIBSON BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK COMPETITOR IN INTERNATIONAL TENNIS.

Game set match.

1952:  THE PENAL COLONY ON DEVIL'S ISLAND IS PERMANENTLY CLOSED.

So you August vacationers will need to figure out something else for the last week of the month.

1962:  AN ATTEMPT TO ASSASSINATE FRENCH PRESIDENT CHARLES DE GAULLE FAILS.

Must be the same idiot who botched the chance to kill Al Sharpton.

1968:  POPE PAUL VI ARRIVES IN BOGOTA, COLOMBIA.  IT IS THE FIRST VISIT OF A POPE TO LATIN AMERICA.

Viva Le Pope Mobile.

1977:  ACTOR SEBASTIAN CABOT DIES.

Mr. French!

1989:  THE FIRST RING OF NEPTUNE IS DISCOVERED.

Turns out it was only Cubic Zirconium.

1989:  NOLAN RYANS BECOMES THE FIRST MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PITCHER TO RECORD 5,000 STRIKEOUTS.

Yeah, nice trade, Mets.

1989:  ACTIVIST HUEY NEWTON DIES.

Good riddance.

1991:  ACTRESS COLLEEN DEWHURST DIES.

Once married to George C. Scott.  I would have liked to be a fly on the wall with one of their marital squabbles.

1996:  BILL CLINTON SIGNS WELFARE REFORM INTO LAW.

Yeah, that lasted.   All completely undone by now.

2007:  THE TEXAS RANGERS ROUT THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES, 30-3, THE MOST RUNS SCORED BY A TEAM IN MODERN MLB HISTORY.

My worst nightmare?  They scored 30 runs on all singles.

2011:  SONGWRITER NICK ASHFORD DIES.

Simpson now looking for a new partner.

2011:  SONGWRITER JERRY LEIBER DIES.

Simpson, please say hello to Stoller.

Dinner last night:  Leftover tortellini.

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