305: DIOCLETIAN AND MAXIMIAN RETIRE FROM THE OFFICE OF ROMAN EMPEROR.
Sitting on a throne all day? How hard a job is that???
524: KING SIGISMUND OF BURGUNDY IS EXECUTED AT ORLEANS AFTER AN 8-YEAR REIGN AND IS SUCCEEDED BY HIS BROTHER GODOMAR.
Looking for Mr. Godomar.
1576: STEFAN BATORY, THE REIGNING PRINCE OF TRANSYLVANIA, MARRIES ANNA JAGIELLON AND THEY BECOME THE CO-RULERS OF THE POLISH-LITHUANIAN COMMONWEALTH.
Obviously, they met on Polish Mingle. com.
1707: THE ACT OF UNION JOINS THE KINGDOM OF ENGLAND AND KINGDOM OF SCOTLAND TO FORM THE KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN.
Hoot man.
1731: COMPOSER JOHANN LUDWIG BACH DIES.
Bach to the drawing board.
1751: THE FIRST CRICKET MATCH IS PLAYED IN AMERICA.
Paid attendance was 13 people, but there were a lot less in the house.
1759: JOSIAH WEDGWOOD FOUNDS THE WEDGWOOD POTTERY COMPANY IN GREAT BRITAIN.
For the great grandmother that you have run out of gift ideas for.
1785: KAMEHAMEHA 1, THE KING OF HAWAII, DEFEATS KALANIKUPULE AND ESTABLISHES THE KINGDOM OF HAWAII.
When Hawaiian names were a lot more complicated than simply Wo Fat and Kam Fong.
1786: OPENING NIGHT OF THE OPERA "THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO" BY WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART IN VIENNA.
He was really nuts, you know.
1840: THE PENNY BLACK, THE FIRST OFFICIAL ADHESIVE STAMP, IS ISSUED IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.
Where they apparently have plenty of saliva to go around.
1844: HONG KONG POLICE FORCE, THE WORLD'S SECOND MODERN POLICE FORCE AND ASIA'S FIRST, IS ESTABLISHED.
CSI: Hong Kong.
1846: THE FEW REMAINING MORMONS LEFT IN NAUVOO, ILLINOIS, FORMALLY DEDICATE THE NAUVOO TEMPLE.
The few remaining Mormons weren't exactly clever in naming their temples.
1852: FRONTIERSWOMAN CALAMITY JANE IS BORN.
In the phone book, she reads as "Jane, Calamity."
1862: DURING THE US CIVIL WAR, THE UNION ARMY COMPLETES THE CAPTURE OF NEW ORLEANS.
And were astounded even then by how stupid the politicians were in that town.
1869: THE FOLIES BERGERE OPENS IN PARIS.
Can Can!
1884: PROCLAMATION OF THE DEMAND FOR AN EIGHT-HOUR WORKDAY IN THE UNITED STATES.
They made the proclamation at 10AM and then left for the day.
1884: MOSES FLEETWOOD WALKER BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK PERSON TO PLAY IN A US PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL GAME.
Jackie who?
1886: RALLIES ARE HELD THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES DEMANDING AN EIGHT-HOUR WORKDAY.
But all rallies were done by 1PM so they could go home.
1907: SINGER KATE SMITH IS BORN.
God Bless A Birth Canal! Of course, including her here will condemn me as a racist these days.
1913: COMEDIAN LOUIS NYE IS BORN.
Hi ho, Steverino!
1915: THE RMS LUSITANIA DEPARTS FROM NY ON HER 202ND AND FINAL CROSSING OF THE NORTH ATLANTIC.
Six days later, man the torpedoes.
1916: ACTOR GLENN FORD IS BORN.
A good actor who never got the credit he deserved.
1918: TV HOST JACK PAAR IS BORN.
I kid you not.
1924: TV GAME SHOW HOST ART FLEMING IS BORN.
Labor Pains for 200, Alex.
1927: THE FIRST COOKED MEALS ON A SCHEDULED FLIGHT ON AN IMPERIAL AIRWAYS FLIGHT FROM LONDON TO PARIS.
On a flight that short, a bag of cashews would have been enough.
1930: THE DWARF PLANET PLUTO IS OFFICIALLY NAMED.
Mickey Mouse using for copyright infringement.
1931: THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING IS DEDICATED IN NEW YORK CITY.
King Kong, please report to 34th Street, stat.
1939: FOLK SINGER JUDY COLLINS IS BORN.
On that day, she really did see both sides now.
1940: THE 1940 SUMMER OLYMPICS ARE CANCELLED DUE TO WAR.
Thanks, Adolf, for nothing.
1945: A GERMAN REPORTER OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCES THAT ADOLF HITLER HAS FALLEN AT HIS COMMAND POST.
Fallen and he can't get up.
1945: JOSEPH GOEBBELS AND HIS WIFE COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER GETTING THEIR KIDS TO SWALLOW CYANIDE TABLETS.
Obviously, they really believed that German reporter.
1956: THE POLIO VACCINE DEVELOPED BY JONAS SALK IS MADE AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC.
The line at CVS must have been a killer.
1960: THE U-2 INCIDENT. US PILOT FRANCIS GARY POWERS IS SHOT DOWN OVER THE SOVIET UNION.
They shot a pilot, but it never went to series.
1961: CUBAN PRIME MINISTER FIDEL CASTRO PROCLAIMS CUBA A SOCIALIST NATION AND ABOLISHES ELECTIONS.
Well, that's one way to keep the job.
1971: AMTRAK TAKES OVER OPERATION OF US PASSENGER RAIL SERVICE.
And a train hasn't been on time since.
1978: JAPAN'S NAOMI UEMURA, TRAVELING BY DOG SLED, BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO REACH THE NORTH POLE ALONE.
And discovered there was nobody to high-five with.
1987: POPE JOHN PAUL II BEATIFIES EDITH STEIN, A JEWISH NUN WHO WAS GASSED AT AUSCHWITZ.
St. Edith? Wasn't that already done on "All in the Family?"
1989: DISNEY-MGM STUDIOS OPENS IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA.
The official home of long lines.
1989: ACTOR DOUGLASS WATSON DIES.
He was on TV's "Another World." Now he's in one.
1990: SINGER SERGIO FRANCHI DIES.
His gondola sunk.
1991: RICKEY HENDERSON OF THE OAKLAND ATHLETICS STEALS HIS 939TH BASE, MAKING HIM THE ALL-TIME LEADER IN THIS CATEGORY.
But, not to be outdone later that day by....
1991: NOLAN RYAN OF THE TEXAS RANGERS PITCHES HIS SEVENTH CAREER NO-HITTER.
Take that, Rickey.
1999: THE BODY OF BRITISH CLIMBER GEORGE MALLORY IS FOUND ON MOUNT EVEREST, 75 YEARS AFTER HIS DISAPPEARANCE IN 1924.
His grandkids really could call him "Pop-sicle."
2000: ACTOR STEVE REEVES DIES.
Hey, Hercules, how strong do you feel now???
2007: THE LOS ANGELES MAY DAY MELEE OCCURS AT A PRO-IMMIGRATION RALLY.
Nobody got their lawn mowed that day.
2009: SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGALIZED IN SWEDEN.
A little late for Inger Stevens.
2010: SOAP OPERA ACTRESS HELEN WAGNER DIES.
The world stopped turning.
2011: PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA ANNOUNCES THAT OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS KILLED BY US FORCES, BUT, BECAUSE OF THE TIME DIFFERENCE, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON MAY 2.
So that now officially screwed up today's blog.
Dinner last night: Just a sandwich.
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