A Very Special Wednesday - Post # 100

I've done 100 of these suckers. That's enough for syndication.

---Rosie is campaigning hard to become the new host on "The Price is Right."

---Let's make sure she hasn't confused this with "Supermarket Sweep."

---Watching the Tony Awards the other night, I counted only about 12 women in the audience. I was wavering on how to classify Angela Lansbury.

---On the High Def CBS channel, the Tonys were not even shown in HD. That translates to FU as far as Broadway is concerned.

---CBS spent the entire three hours touting some new garbage for the fall. "Viva Laughlin." By the time the Tonys were over, I think I had seen the first three episodes.

---Jay Johnson, who used to play Chuck and Bob on Soap, actually won a Tony for his one man/multi-dummy show. Can "An Evening with Ruth Buzzi" be far behind?

---I can remember when you would dress up to go to the New York theater. But, that was before Broadway became the dumping ground for Midwestern tourists. Now, they're showing up in sneakers and t-shirts from Dave and Buster's.

---Last year, I saw somebody in the Majestic Theater chumping down on potato chips during the performance. Hey, this ain't the dinner theater on Route 5 next to the Piggly Wiggly!

---Go to Times Square and try to find a non-chain restaurant for dinner before the show. Cheez, now the tuna melt at the 47th Street Howard Johnson's is looking good to me. Where is Mamma Leone's when you need her?

---I like this whole area much better before the Disney clean-up. The bums and the hookers gave it a lot more flavor. Now, all the mugging happens at the advance ticket windows.

---Dodger Dogs indeed. The Los Angeles Blue Crew will go nowhere if they can't stop hitting balls back to the pitcher.

---Their pitching staff is phenomenal and being wasted. Derek Lowe has three complete games and he has lost all three. It's like hiring Emeril to cook food for your cat.

---Juan Pierre's got great career stats, but he is now on his fourth team in seven years. That should have been a warning sign for the Dodgers. He's totally undynamic. I half expected to find him in a debate with the other Presidential candidates.

---There's nobody in that lineup you dread to face. You know, the type of hitter that makes the opposition say, "Aw, crap, such and such is up next inning."

---The only person in the Dodger organization that is truly scary is the owner's wife.

---At the Met-Dodger game Monday night, I saw Jerry Seinfeld hanging around a concession stand. He was wearing the dirtiest Met cap. Complete with sweatband stains. I think Ron Hunt wore it in 1963.

---Hey, Jerry, we know you made some coin from that TV show and all those DVD box sets. Neweracap.com. The hats are 32 bucks. It's time.

---My nightmare moment of the week: I looked at the fluffs running for President and thought that Hillary was the best of the lot.

---Barack Obama's wife has come out to warn us that she has "a big mouth." I have my formal disconnect notarized.

---The last thing this country needs right now as President is a Harvard-educated lawyer who hugs Al Sharpton in photo ops.

---So the guy from "Law and Order" has thrown his hat into the ring. How do we get Paula Adbul to run?

---Bill Clinton might be a little overconfident about his potential return to the White House. I heard he's already requested resumes on potential interns for the summer of 2009.

---Dry cleaners all over the Nation's Capital are keeping their fingers crossed.

---A national poll found Hillary a heavy favorite among Democratic primary voters who value long experience in government and policy-making.

---Huh? How long has she been doing this Senator gig? And she failed with that health care program. On what channel can I find the country that they are watching?

---You know that Al Snore is lurking in the bushes and waiting to pounce like one of those lions after a gazelle on the Animal Planet.

---He's letting all the rest of them trip over each other, so he can be the ideal candidate. It's too good a story to resist. He's cheated out of a win because people in Florida are only bright enough to work the early bird menu at Red Lobster. But then he comes to the rescue eight years later with a mandate from less than half of the population.

---A Hollywood ending, indeed. But he's still Al Snore with all the warts still intact.

---I don't care what they tell me at the polling place. I am voting for Adlai Stevenson.

---I heard a very funny item on the news last night. Psychologists are now saying that obese children should be called just that. Apparently, there are movements afoot to (no pun intended) sugarcoat how these kids are described.

---Parents actually want them to be called "calorie-challenged."

---I don't think the calories are challenging them at all. They seem to be ingesting them just fine.

---When I was a kid, nothing propelled me to watch my diet than the constant barrage of names I was called. Every large mammal and amphibian in the book. Believe me. That does the trick.

---It will totally prepare them for life ahead when they deal with the most vicious form of human life. Co-workers.

---If parents want to really do something for their little chubbies, how about avoiding family meals that come via a drive-through window?

---And that funny looking contraption in the kitchen is called a stove.

---You might also want to promote some physical exercise for Junior. Instead of leaving them with a soda can and a box of Fudge Sandies in front of their computers as they update MySpace.

---And here's something you never hear these kids say at the dinner table.

I'm done. On to the next 100.

Dinner last night: chicken sausage and pickled beets.