The Saturday dilemma. What to go see tonight? I thought I'd let you in on the intricate process that goes into making such a decision. Join me as I troll the movie listings in the Los Angeles Times as I grope for a Saturday night diversion. I will address each film as I come upon the ad. Total gut reaction. Nancy Drew:Get a Clue: Since I am not a pedofile, I wouldn't be caught dead going to this movie. I heard a film critic's 10-year-old daughter report on the radio that the film was dull. Yo, Warner Brothers, that's your target audience. Sneak Preview of Ratatouille: I will wait so I can see this at the glorious El Capitan Theater. I am curious to see how they are going to make vermin likeable. If they are successful, let's see if Pixar can then tackle the Bush White House. Spiderman 3: Despite seeing the first two, I still haven't sampled. I blame it all on the Godfather Part 3. Oceans Thirteen: the first one was lots of fun. The second one was a mess and primarily an excuse for Clooney and his minions to visit Italy. I heard the third one goes back to the original premise, so it might be passable Saturday night entertainment. But, still? Remember the time when the only "3" you saw in a movie title referred to stooges? Waitress: Already seen, enjoyed, and documented. Check it out for Andy Griffith alone. Once: I'm hearing good things about this small independent film about street musicians in Dublin. And that's why I may skip it. It's about street musicians in Dublin. Knocked Up: this got incredibly good reviews, but I won't be misled again. The advance good word is very similar to what they said about "Anchorman" and I am still waiting to get those two hours credited back to my life. And this thing runs over two hours!! This film has got "watch out for side effects" written all over it. La Vie En Rose: I saw it last week and generally liked it. But, how do you say "scissors" in French? Way too long. It was like ingesting bernaise sauce as a beverage. But, it's a fascinating story about Edith Piaf, the French version of Judy Garland. Or is Judy Garland the American version of Edith Piaf? They're really interchangeable. Great singers with screwed up childhoods. They both wither away to the size of a hamster and die in their late 40s. The only difference is Judy had the added indignity of doing it on the toilet. Paris Je T'Aime: Been there, done that. It's essentially 20 different two page scenes from some acting class on the Sorbonne. I felt like I was going through the postcard rack at the Eiffel Tower gift shop. I liked it...un peu. Mr. Brooks: I don't do Kevin Costner films voluntarily. Brooklyn Rules: I don't do Alec Baldwin films voluntarily. He plays some mob thug. And the acting challenge is where? Gracie: the only thing more uninteresting than a soccer game is a movie about a soccer game. Kicking this officially to the curb. Uh oh, I think I have to look at the revival houses. Check in tomorrow to see what box office ripped me off this week.
Shrek The Third: I actually saw this two weeks ago. As is the case with the third installment of most films, the fumes are starting to sift into the theater. Nevertheless, it had some cute moments. A pleasant enough time waster, which was helped by the fact that I saw it in the Cinerama Dome.
DOA: Dead or Alive: DOA indeed.
Eagle Vs. Shark: A small indie film from Australia. Apparently, it's that country's take on Napoleon Dynamite, which I didn't quite understand when it was produced in English. I can't imagine how addled I would be when they throw in the Australian lingo. Skip.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: If I can conjure up a 7-year-old son by 8PM tonight, I may go. Didn't see the first one.
Hostel Part 2: There was such a thing as Hostel Part 1? The ad says "Quentin Tarantino Presents." Page being turned immediately.
Surf's Up: Thumbs down. Haven't I made myself clear? Enough with the friggin' penguins!!!!
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End: a slight possibility to see. The first one was okay. The terrible word of mouth scared me from the second one. And I hear that, unless you saw the second one, the third one won't make any sense. Plus I heard from the kids (ages 20 and 17) of a friend that it was horrible. Once again, that's the target audience!! I may not walk the plank. The slight chance for viewing comes from the fact that it's at the aforementioned El Capitan and there's a great ice cream parlor next door. Of course, I could save the 14 bucks and head to Carvel.
2 comments:
ciseaux. The French word for scissors is ciseaux.
This is a good repeatable format--maybe once a month rip through the current flicks and let 'em have it.
Despite its insane length, I may trek to the El Capitan this weekend since it's the final one. French rats are coming and we can hit that one in July.
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