Topsy Turvy Wednesday

Speeding along with plenty of loops and hairpin turns

---Is it me or have there been a lot more accidents at theme parks this summer? Are ride attendants all of a sudden totally negligent in their duties?

---Of course not. It's the public, which is now totally negligent in their intelligence.

---I've gone to enough of these places to see that lots of people look at attaching seat belts as if they are trying to solve a Rubik's Cube.

---Some of these people don't know how to work belts because they have been hardpressed to find any at home that fit. Ahem.

---Disneyland has brought back those nutty submarines and repackaged them in a "Finding Nemo" ride.

---I remember going on them before they closed down and I felt like I was on line at an "all-you-can-eat" sushi bar. Lots of tourists from across the pond in the other directions.

---They were looking at all the fish through the windows and feeling around in their bags for some ginger and soy sauce.

---This time of year, it's called Disneyline.

---I am surprised this took so long. Some consumer has sued Cadbury Schweppes (owner of Snapple) for misrepresenting their labels. Saying it's made from the "best stuff on Earth."

---The ingredients read: "water, citric acid, tea, natural flavors, aspartame, potassium citrate, phenyletornics (sp)."

---I'm okay with the water and the tea. What the hell is the other stuff? Sounds like a Rexall.

---Natural flavors? Is that like when some old grandmother says she's making chicken soup with love?

---Meanwhile, Diet Snapple with Lemon is the only product I buy up in bulk. I can't get enough of it.

---And when does my potassium citrate poisoning set in?

---The LA Archdiocese got nailed 660 million greenbackerinos as a settlement for those cases of abuse.

---Yeah, they're all misunderstood.

---The whole thing gets resolved if you let these priests off the celibacy hook. That way, these folks can diddle with themselves all they want and not mess around with the Opie Taylors of the world.

---Wonder how much that dollar figure comes to per grope?

---So that's what they do with all the money in those baskets?

---Cardinal Roger Mahony just had a nightmare. Mayor Villaraigosa enrolled in a seminary.

---The fine levied on the Archdiocese is tip money for David Beckham.

---Who, by the way, may not play in his first game because he's hurt already.

---All that dough and soccer will still not get any attendance in the United States.

---Yawn.

---It was pure nirvana watching Fathead Bonds go 0 for 12 and 0 for 7 with runners in scoring position against the Dodgers last weekend.

---It looked like the only juice he's touched lately is Sunsweet Prune.

---The way he's been hitting, you won't be seeing a lot of balls headed into McCovey Cove. Right now, the only way you will be getting any of those Splash Hits is if you flood the area between third base and shortstop.

---Tee hee.

---The Phillies suffered their 10,000th loss in team history the other day.

---I think nine thousand of those losses came in the last week of the 1964 season when the Phillies blew a first place lead of about 75 games.

---Did you read about the tourist who got his neck broken at Yankee Stadium when some drunk got into a fight and fell down 20 feet on top of him?

---Okay, Yankee fans, we have to draw the line at smashed vertabrae. Can you just confine your conduct to spitting and screaming the F-bomb every five seconds?

---Will the bus headed to Hell please stop at Bleacher Gate # 1 to pick up your passengers?

Dinner last night: All Beef Super Dodger Dog at the game.