Wednesday, Bloody Wednesday

With the summer over, things are now back to normal. Well, not really.

---Because my Toyota 4Runner is on the mend, I had a rental car for the week. Some piece of aluminum called a Dodge Caliber.

---When you actually drive an American car, you quickly realize why Detroit has been in trouble for years. The car has no pick-up and the design is bizarre. I have to crawl in head first like John Glenn entering a Mercury space capsule.

---When I close the door, there is this hollow noise. Sounds as if I dropped a bag of empty soda cans down the garbage chute.

---The sloping design of the rear window creates greatly impaired sight lines. If somebody is sitting in the back seat, Stevie Wonder might as well be driving.

---The only plus with the car is the inclusion of Sirius satellite radio. I am totally enjoying the 60s, 70s, 80s, and Broadway channels.

---Listening to Howard Stern for an extended time, however, just reminds me how run-of-the-mill he has become. Dropping the F-bomb in every single sentence does not make you more cutting edge.

---I am not sure why Sirius felt it necessary to have the most fey and flamboyant DJ anchor their Broadway channel.

---Bulletin: Heterosexual people enjoy showtunes, too.

---It's weird to hear Cousin Brucie do his Saturday oldies act, which is incredibly New York, while driving around LA.

---How many years has that guy been around? To quote my friend Andrew, Cousin Brucie has toupees older than us.

---Another Siriusly guilty pleasure: tooling around SoCal and listening to traffic reports from NY. A little sick hearing about Major Deegan back-ups while stuck on the 405.

---In light of the 9/11 anniversary, I Netflixed this documentary on the 9/11 Commission report. It's called "On Native Soil." You must see it.

---It points out in no uncertain terms how our emergency contingency plans were so messed up that day. And the FAA might as well have been coordinated by Hal Roach and his Little Rascals. Their actions reminded me of that old short when Spanky and his friends took over the local fire department.

---So, Oprah had this big fundraising BBQ for Barack Obooboo. Probably the most expensive pork ribs you'd ever eat.

---Meanwhile, it's coming out more and more just how dirty this alleged "breath of fresh air" is. Fresh air, my Aunt Fanny. Obama's track record is akin to buying property next to the city dump.

---It's a matter of time before Oprah the hog starts setting the political mindsets of the lemmings that follow her.

---The only difference between Hitler and Oprah is bad hair and a moustache.

---Well, actually, just a moustache. I saw part of her season premiere and it looked like she blew dry her hair with a cannon.

---What's with this new baseball fad? Players jumping and bumping into each other after a win. I see the Dodgers are now doing that. And, of course, that little nitwit Jose Reyes is right in the middle of it, too.

---They all look like assholes. Whatever happened to Jerry Grote shaking Tom Seaver's hand after a victory?

---I'm slowly trying to get back into primetime TV for the Fall season. I watched CBS' Monday night comedy block of "How I Met Your Mother," "Old Christine," "Two and a Half Men," and "Rules of Engagement."

---In my living room, there was one funny line the whole night.

---And my roommate said it.

---How cavernous was ABC's development slate that they ordered that sitcom about the Caveman from the TV commercials?

---If that's the case, they missed a real breakout star in Speedy Alka Seltzer.

---And Bert and Harry Piels.

---Nobody under 40 got that last joke.

---Okay, we're living in a world where Dr. Phil is a star. This glorified gym teacher has got another special coming up and the amazing thing is that people are listening to him.

---You might as well let Regis Philbin do your next colonoscopy.

---Will the Los Angeles County Coroner please come to Dodger Stadium and pick up the 2007 corpse?

---One very isolated highlight from last night's Dodger loss to the Padres: I got to see the first major league hit (a pinch homerun) by Rafael Furcal's sooner than later replacement at shortstop.

---Chin-Lung Hu.

---I'm telling you the guy who hit the homerun.

---Who?

---Yes, that's his name. Hu.

---Who?

---The rookie who got his first major league hit last night.

---Who?

---Exactly.

---Who?

---I just told you. Hu.

---No, who is the guy?

---Right. Hu.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Dinner last night: Dodger Dog.