It's the Fall movie season, which hopefully means more intelligence and less CGI on our local movie screens. This past Summer was another disaster for moviegoers unless you're a male between the ages of 16 and 22.
So, let's see what's out there for us this weekend, shall we? Once again, I am combing the Calendar section of the LA Times and making my extremely gut comments on the movie ads that I flip past.
The Brave One: Jodie Foster doesn't usually make crap, except for that dreadful "Inside Man." But, this looks like a complete ripoff of the 70s "Death Wish." It's got the same vigilante plot. And both movies have a star that is very attracted to women.
King of California: Michael Douglas as a mentally unstable man looking to strike it rich. Is this a documentary?
Dragon Wars D-War: More monsters chasing Asians. When are these creatures going to discover that there is nobody left in Japan and that they all moved over here to frequent outlet malls?
Moving McAllister: In the ad, some rag called MovieWeb calls it "one of the funniest films of 2007." In the same style as "Knocked Up" and "Superbad?" Forget it. Can we have at least one comedy without farting and bong hits?
In the Shadow of the Moon: This Ron Howard-backed documentary is definitely on my list. It's all about the moon landing in 1969. And, yes, they prove it wasn't filmed on a sound stage in Northridge.
The Hunting Party: Richard Gere in a film about three journalists who reunite in Sarajevo five years after the end of the Balkan.......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
3:10 to Yuma: This western got good reviews, so I would consider it at some point. I never miss a cowboy picture with Russell Crowe and Christian Bale. As long as 3:10 isn't the running time.
Death at a Funeral: I actually saw this a few weeks back and it was very silly. Plus it takes you about 20 minutes to get acclimated to the British accents. It's amazing how offputting it is when people speak correctly.
Halloween: Rob Zombie directed a needless remake of a classic. Did John Carpenter allow this to happen to his franchise? I wouldn't trust Rob Zombie to develop my photos at Costco.
The 11th Hour: Another star-backed documentary about the horrible things we are doing to the environment. Leonardo DiCaprio scolding us would have more weight if you didn't see him pulling up to the Oscars in a Hummer.
Death Sentence: Kevin Bacon as a vigilante. Okay, there's a pattern forming.
Mr. Woodcock: Billy Bob Thornton in a comedy (?!) as a gym teacher who torments the son of his new girlfriend. The talents of Billy Bob have long alluded me. He plays everything in the same mode. An extremely overrated actor. The real shocker is that Susan Sarandon is in this mess. She must be having a kitchen remodeled.
Mr. Bean's Holiday: Okay, I'm a huge Mr. Bean and I wouldn't go to see this. The trailers were all recycled bits from the TV show. I got the complete series box set and I can microwave popcorn at home.
I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With: Based on the title alone, I'm fasting.
In The Valley of Elah: This is getting some mild Oscar buzz. It's directed by Paul Haggis, who did "Crash." The film is supposed to be a compelling story of an Iraq war vet returning home. On the down side, it has two more of those grossly one-note actors, Tommy Lee Jones and Charlize Theron. And it, too, has Susan Sarandon, which leads me to think that her remodeled kitchen will also feature some new Viking appliances.
Fierce People: Diane Lane as a working class mom with a drug problem. Totally understandable when you realize her father-in-law is James Brolin.
December Boys: Some coming-of-age thing with Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe, who is obviously trying to expand his parts. And, since he's also been doing those Equus nude scenes on stage, we can also see how he expands those parts firsthand.
Across The Universe: A 60's love story set to Beatles music. The lead characters are Jude and Lucy. Wow. No subtext there.
Eastern Promises: It's directed by David Cronenberg, and that means somebody's head gets to explode by the third reel. Shoot 'Em Up: This is pitched as a violent Bugs Bunny cartoon with humans. Over 100 people get killed during it and one review says it's "loaded with fun." And you wonder why we have things like Columbine. Balls of Fury: Comedy on a ping pong table. With that laugh riot Christopher Walken. Superbad: Still around and I am still holding out. Another one of those teen comedies that is supposedly a great movie. But, I read the same type of buzz for stuff like "Knocked Up" and "Anchorman." When I got sucked it into seeing them, I sat there stonefaced like Buster Keaton for two hours. When can we start reviewing the reviewers I'll let you know what I wind up seeing.
Dinner last night: Grilled Taylor Ham.
1 comment:
I, of course, have seen exactly none of these flicks. Some of us are WAY outside the demographic.
This stuff doesn't even sound rentable.
I'll say one nice thing about one actor in this batch. Michael Cera is a very talented kid you may have seen on the dearly- departed "Arrested Development."
I miss that show and every actor on it. Cera did a great job playing a sane kid in a kooky family. Promising future if you ask me.
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