Corned Beef and Wednesday

You don't have to be Irish to enjoy this. Just take two helpings of cynicism and add mustard.

---I am always thankful when I don't have to spend St. Patrick's Day in New York City. There's nothing worse than a game of teenage vomit hopscotch on Fifth Avenue.

---I didn't look closely. Was Elliot Spitzer marching this year?

---Any truth to the rumor that Bill Clinton was Clients 1 through 8?

---This high priced call girl, Kristin, is now being besieged by tons of offers. She promises to write a book as soon as she learns to read.

---Alas, it was too late for her to join this year's edition of "Dancing With the Stars."

---New York's new Governor, David Patterson, ain't messing around. He's not in office a day before he confesses to an extramarital affair.

---Blind, my ass.

---He gives a whole new dimension to the concept of "feeling somebody up."

---Apparently, Ba-lack Obooboo does what millions of American churchgoers do. He sleeps through 20 years of sermons.

---How can you trust somebody with your foreign policy when he can't even pick the right neighborhood church?

---Obama couldn't have thrown the Wright Reverend under the back of the bus fast enough. You would have thought he caught the guy doing a panty raid at Gayle King's condo.

---In his boilerplate speech on racism, Obooboo also inserted lots of tire tracks onto Geraldine Ferraro's back as well.

---Hell, her comments about him last week were historic. It was the first time I ever agreed with her.

---In Obooboo's half-hour speech on everything except what we needed to hear, he did not make one single prediction that I could use on my office NCAA brackets.

---Obama still hasn't explained why he sat in that church for 20 years. Essentially, he passed off Reverend Wrong as your crazy, foul-mouthed Uncle Moe who shows up on Thanksgiving with a little too much Thunderbird in his snout.

---Just to be clear, there are tons of white people I hate, too.

---Beaucoup de celebrity sightings for me over the weekend. Besides the Rickles and the Newharts dining behind me Saturday night, my flight back from NY included Mary Tyler Moore, who I spotted at baggage claim. Although it was tough to spot her in the blonde hair and trench coat.

---She's now a far cry from throwing that hat in the air. It looked like it would be a struggle for her to pull a stick of chewing gum from her bag.

---For the second week in a row, "American Idol" dipped into the Lennon-McCartney songbook with mediocre to disastrous results. I'm betting Yoko Ono was so distraught she was rooting around in her "hari kari" cutlery drawer.

---Nothing, however, could be worse than last week when soon-to-be-ex-Idol-finalist Kristy Lee Cook did the first ever polka version of "Eight Days a Week."

---There is nothing worse than the Beatles being covered by the Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyland.

Dinner last night: Thai chicken pasta at the Cheesecake Factory.