The Wednesday That Never Sleeps

Right now, I'm a part of it. New York, New York.

---I had a strange epiphany or two getting into the cab for LAX on my way to NYC.

---First off, why does the driver always have the front seat so far back that you have no leg room? Everytime I get into a taxi, I feel like John Glenn getting into Friendship 7.

---And why is it that every foreign cab driver, regardless of the city that I am in at the time, is tuned to the local NPR station?

---On Monday, my driver was listening to some story on the Jihad. So, is that how they do it? NPR is used to get coded messages to their American operatives?

---I'm always been a little suspicious of that Garrison Keillor guy. All that hometown mumbo jumbo and he probably goes home to pray to Mecca.

---Not only has real silverware returned to business class on American Airlines, they bombard you with plates. I felt like it was Dish Night at the old RKO Proctor's.

---To the flight attendant who spent two-thirds of the trip virtually straddling the guy in 11H: yes, we all watched.

---Somebody could have opened their window and she wouldn't have noticed.

---By the time we got to JFK, those two were picking out snap-together armoirs from the Sky Mall magazine.

---The other in-flight entertainment for me was big mouth Geraldine Ferraro sitting three rows ahead and buried in her crossword puzzle. I wanted to help her.
---17 Down: Biggest Presidential loser ever.

---M-O-N-D-A-L-E.

---22 Across: Ferraro husband.

---C-R-O-O-K.

---39 Down: Ferraro son (2 words).

---D-R-U-G-D-E-A-L-E-R.

---I hooked up with her again at baggage claim as she did the typical old lady thing and touched every bag that wasn't hers.

---At the same time she was reacting to the same CNN Breaking News on her Blackberry that I was seeing.

---NY Governor Spitzer Tied to Prostitution Ring.

---Another politician caught with their pants down. Literally.

---Now the only career possibility left for Spitzer depends on whether or not Fox picks up that stupid "Moment of Truth" show.

---There are already tons of opinion polls asking when Spitzer will pull out.

---For the hooker's sake, I hope he already has.

---PS: If I'm spending $4300 on a prostitute, she better be showing up with Huey Lewis & The News.

---The only problem with Spitzer getting bounced from his is that his replacement is some guy who is Black and legally blind.

---Which, when it comes to politics, some people might say is the same thing.

---The good news is that the only real skeletons he might have in his closet are some stolen macrame potholders from the Lighthouse.

---Billy Crystal, at the age of 60, is going to suit up and play an exhibition game with the Yankees later this week.

---Gee, where is a Roger Clemens fastball to the head when you really need one?

---Why doesn't Billy put his mouth down onto Derek Jeter's lap and get it over with?

---Billy, who claims to be the inventor of Yankee baseball, is taking his best shot by playing against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

---Heck, that blind Lieutenant Governor from NY could go 3 for 4 against the Pirate pitching staff.

---42 Across: Comedian Crystal.

---A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

---It's a rare day when you hear a public statement from Pope Eggs Benedict, who works about as hard as one of those window clerks at your local Post Office.

---He now says that people who pollute are sinners.

---I'll keep that in mind when he croaks and they keep shooting all that black and white smoke up into the air around Vatican City.

---I passed by Radio City Music Hall this morning and guess what picture is playing?

---Nothing starring Nobody. But, those two Oscar winning songwriters from "Once" are going to be appearing there in two months. Plenty of good seats still available.

---I saw two knuckleheads walking on Fifth Avenue and holding up a sign that said "9/11 was an Inside Job." Another attempt to show that we did this to ourselves.

---There's also a new book out that tries to prove that the United States deliberately provoked World War II.

---If these people are so incensed about how evil and maniacal this country is, I have one word for them.

---52 Across: M-O-V-E.

Dinner last night: Grilled chicken salad.