Our First Bozo-less Wednesday

While the original clown just died, you can be sure that there will be plenty of other jerks in the bulletpoints below.

---God Bless Southwest Airlines. They kicked some fat slob of a mother and her unruly brats off a return flight because she steadfastly refused to corral them.

---Of course, she BMWed (bitched, moaned, and whined) about the treatment, especially since one of the animals was allegedly autistic and the other had cerebral palsy.

---Heck, I used to watch that old Dennis James telethon in NY and those kids with palsy always seemed to be very well behaved. And seated in their chairs.

---It's amazing that, as soon as some trash in this country is confronted for bad behavior, out comes the handicap card.

---Next time I get stopped by a traffic cop, I'm going to try it.

---"Sorry, officer, I didn't see the stop sign because I just got over German measles."

---As a frequent flyer, I am ecstatic that an airline finally grew a pair. I've seen the worst of the worst at 35,000 feet. And all of these urchins always wind up banging the back of my seat.

---Meanwhile, some bleeding heart do-gooder felt so bad that they paid for the family's meal at McDonald's.

---And, from the look of the mother's size in all the pictures I saw, that must have been a healthy bill. There is now one McDonald's in this country that has run out of those apple pies until sometime in October.

---This big pile of dung and her human pets should not be flying. If they want to travel, they should put some duct tape on the back of their Country Squire, throw some wife-beaters in a brown paper bag, and hit the road.

---They held that bull race in Pampalona, Spain again and it's one more year when I root for the bulls.

---What kind of vacation is this? Trying to avoid getting gored by something weighing a thousand pounds?

---But, I suppose it could be worse. You could be sitting in the middle seat next to that family on Southwest.

---Who is Ashley Tisdale and why do I care?

---I'd pay good money to watch this Scrabble match: The now clinically befuddled Teddy Kennedy vs. the cranially scrambled Met outfielder Ryan Church.

---Between the two of them, they probably see about 45 fingers at that table.

---Keeping with the Bozo theme, let's discuss Mets closer Billy Wagner.

---The Flushing faithful are all abuzz over their weekend victories against the rival Philadelphia Phillies. Except Wagner did his darndest to blow both games.

---I have said it all along. Despite some impressive stats, this peckerwood is not the guy you want on the mound trying to close an important game.

---Jesse Orosco has nothing to worry about. You will never see Wagner throwing up his glove in a frenzy after he clinches a World Series.

---While I was in NY, I actually heard Billy Wagner's weekly radio commentary. The guy is incoherent. It's like listening to that Ernest guy describe nuclear fusion.

---My rule of thumb: if you can't put together a single sentence, you should not be on the radio.

---Which would pretty much render most of NY and LA's airwaves mute.

---The Dodgers seem to have finally gotten Joe Torre's message. I understand that half the team now refers to tomato sauce as "gravy."

---Andruw Jones returned to the line-up and immediately strike out four times in his first game. Glad to see that new knee is working out just fine.

---LA has gotten hot again. Time to make sure the elderly have plenty of water. And time to make sure that all the politicians in City Hall don't.

---I can't make heads or tails over Obama's flipflopping statements on Iraq. I haven't heard this much double talk since somebody from Brentwood took a limo to LAX for his midnight flight to Chicago.

---The same goes for McCain, whose economic plans sound like Lucy Ricardo trying to manage the household budget.

---Whoever wins the election will be looking to get out of the job by February 1, 2009. Because neither one of them will be able to do a darn thing to fix this country.

---Who are the Jonas Brothers and why do I care?

---I had a bizarre call from American Express regarding my corporate card. Even though the card is in my possession, they spotted some suspicious activity on it.

---I'm thinking somebody is using my number to buy a Lexus or perhaps continue a Columbian drug connection.

---Nope. The strange behavior was somebody in Glendale buying lots and lots of postage stamps from a Post Office vending machine.

---It's a sad day when it looks odd that somebody is actually going to mail a bunch of letters.

---I do, however, appreciate Amex's due diligence. And I'm thinking the thief might be the cab driver who picked me up at LAX last week, since he spent an awful lot of time running my credit card.

---Hopefully, he can mail me something. From jail.

---Now, that A-Rod has hooked up with Madonna, will he be signing up for Kabbalah?

---More important, will he even be able to spell it?

---I know who Amy Winehouse is and I don't care.

Dinner last night: Super Dodger Dog at the game.