Wednesday, Can You Spare a Dime?

I'm in NY. And apparently just in time to watch it close down.

---And I thought it was just Yankee and Shea Stadiums that were shutting down.

---Excuse me while I check my Washington Mutual account on-line.

---Okay, whew, still solvent.

---I knew Citibank was paying too much money on that ballpark for the Mets.

---The Met bullpen can now breathe a sigh of relief. They're not the only ones collapsing.

---The economy is sucking, but that didn't stop a bevy of idiots from boarding my AA flight east.

---Where the "food for purchase" sandwich even went up a buck.

---There was one family going ahead of me through security and they were traveling with not one, not two, not three, but four strollers.

---Birth control please! It's available in all the stores.

---It was the first time Mom was on her feet in five years. As she walked down the hall, she looked like one of those calves just out of the womb.

---Back to the Mets bullpen. Is it me or do they all look like an apartment building janitorial staff on the Upper West Side?

---Okay, so maybe it wasn't Willie Randolph??

---And, with the Yankees out of the playoffs for the first time and the Dodgers apparently headed in, maybe it was Joe Torre??

---On the 25 minute drive into Manhattan during the morning, I dial flipped through the radio and never found a single song to listen to.

---New York radio sucques. One station is a clone of the next. And the morning chatter lulls me into a coma.

---Scott Shannon is still working????

---And you still have Mr. G the weather man, who will never be out of work because...well, after all, there's always weather.

---Whatever ever happened to that Black character on WHTZ about 20 years ago? Mr. Leonard.

---Now that was funny. And a trifle racist.

---Oops, we can't go there anymore. Barack Obama, you know.

---LA radio is a bit more diverse. Except for Sunday mornings where there are about five stations all playing Beatle music.

---Can't the program directors sync this up a little better? Maybe one of them could switch to all Cowsills tunes.

---The opening sketch on the season premiere of SNL featured Amy Poehler as Hillary and Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. The jokes were so obvious that I swear I thought up the same lines earlier that day while grocery shopping in Ralph's.

---Michael Phelps as host was a disaster. Not even a bronze this time.

---Michael's performance looked sort of like he hit his head on the side of a pool while doing a flip turn.

---The Presidential race now resembles a reality TV show. We have six weeks of pre-lims before America votes somebody off the island.

---Show of hands: Bush Doctrine anybody??

---The funny thing that goes unreported is that Charles Gibson had that wrong, too.

---Shame on whoever subjected John McCain to sitting with those bitches on "The View." When did those yentas become political pundits?

---Barbara Walters should be blindfolded and offered a last cigarette. That dried-up old hag has no business being involved in any political discussion.

---Especially when the last viable news story she reported on was when the cave men discovered fire.

---Remember the days when Presidential debates were serious events anchored by only the best journalists around? Now, it's nothing but game show hosts with the most inane of questions.

---"Mr. McCain, if you were a tree...?"

---Michelle Obama is going to be a guest cooking something on Rachael Ray's show. How much of a show can they get from watching somebody press a button on a microwave?

---The last thing this scummy ex-lawyer probably cooked was some books.

---Last night, Obama went to see first hand the devastation caused by the sagging economy in Beverly Hills. Barbra sang at a fundraising dinner which cost donors $28,500 per plate.

---For that price, I hope they gave you a couple of sides. And an open bar.

My bar, however, is closing right now.

Dinner last night: Chinese BBQ pork.