I Heartily Endorse for President...

...no one.

Gotcha. But, now that I have your attention...

A while back, I made the conscious decision in this blog to refrain from excessive entries on the Presidential race. And, except for the usual and frequently expected snarky bon mots on my Wednesday free-for-alls, I have pretty much held to that. I want this blog to be fun and memorable and inviting. Sadly, the American political scene is none of that.

Oh, I will vote today. On the way home from work, I will stop off at my friendly local synagogue and commune briefly with the industrious senior citizens of the Westwood community, some of whom have not been out of the house since Mamie Eisenhower picked out the Oval Office drapes. I will watch as they laboriously try to find my name, running their ruler up and down the registration page. And I will get my "I Voted" sticker, which apparently gets me a free Starbucks, a donut, and maybe even a La-Z-Boy recliner. These days, we apparently need incentive to enjoy freedom.

I will hold my nose and my breath and then imagine a Silkwood-like shower as I leave my chads carefully but regretfully punched. An incredibly easy process which I know later today will confound many of the idiots across the fair land---most of which probably voting for the first time in their lives. Finally, some of them at last care. And all that took was a candidate with a matching skin pigmentation.

At the end of today or any day, I don't really care how you voted, my esteemed friends. And, at the end of today or any other day, I hope you don't really care how I voted either. I guess the fact that we actually have the ability to still choose a leader is our ultimate and only victory. Because, truly, at the end of today or any day, we are all screwed. We have been presented with perhaps the worst choice ever offered to the national voting populace. In a campaign process that seemed to last for years and was perhaps one of the vilest ever. Lies, accusations, and mis-truths disguised as facts for an unassuming---and sadly, stupid---group of citizens.

I jokingly asked a British-born friend of mine if she thought England might be interested in taking our country back. After all, America's founding fathers fought for independence because they were enduring "taxation without representation." Well, shit, I'm being taxed (probably more in 2009) and nobody is representing me. The moderate-leaning independent voter who subscribes neither to the wild-eyed radical left or the wild-eyed radical right. So, I reasoned, why don't we just go back to England and offer them a deal? You get America and Manny Ramirez back for four years and an option for a fifth. Sadly, she thought that Britain is probably no longer interested.

Regretfully, I'm not interested either. While being a tiny bit closer to the moderate stance I crave, John McCain looked like he would have a great choice for President about 15 years ago. In 2008, he looked like he had a stone in his shoe the entire time. And, in reality, he had two major albatrosses around his size 15 neck. Apparently, he's been seen in some photos alongside George W. Bush and that, of course, is never a positive alliance. He probably would have been better off standing next to Ben-Hur's mother and sister in the leper colony. Of course, as soon as the economy tanked, McCain didn't have a chance. He could have reunited the original four Beatles on stage and still not moved in the polls. Forget that this economy started to head south more than a decade ago. The guy in charge right now is a Republican. John McCain is a Republican. See ya!

As for Barack Obama, he is in the right place at the right time. A liberal Ronald Reagan in 1980. This, despite the fact that he is absolutely the wrong guy to be in the right place at the right time. When he announces at a campaign stop that he is going to "change the world," I think about where I have heard those same words from a national leader. Perhaps that madcap guy with the bad haircut, the funny moustache, and a lot of blond 20 year-olds in goose step formation. Obama says he is going to unite the world and change our lives. Yet, he couldn't even get the south side of Chicago fixed. Just ask Jennifer Hudson who's burying her family at the moment. People have called him a prophet, Moses, the second coming, and John F. Kennedy. He is none of these things. Barack Obama is merely a smart and shifty politician who has gotten incredibly lucky as a result of a spot-on marketing campaign conducted by---Barack Obama. By March 1, 2009, with tons of promises he can't possibly keep, President Obama will be knee-deep in shit from his own sewer.

Essentially, with the economy the main issue, this election will probably find the public opting for the devil they don't know instead of the devil they think they know. And it will be a devil of a time for all of us regardless. Because, indeed, until this country moves away from the canyon that has been caused by the Democratic and Republican parties, none of us will have a chance. Democracy, or life as we have enjoyed it, is not infinite. The Roman Empire was apparently this bitching society. Yet, that lasted only 600 years. Any bets on whether the great United States of America makes it to 300?

And remember that it is the United States of America. Let me repeat. The United STATES of America. The states are supposed to be the focal point. The federal government is supposed to be there to merely set a framework and protect. Nowhere in the Constitution is there any mention of guaranteed home ownership or free cheese. The further we move from this tenet, the sorrier we become as a nation. Until this country has a true moderate perspective, we will continue to have these bipolar national mood swings that renders the nation as an incoherent mess.

Amid all the babble that has been offered up by McCain and Obama, the biggest problem of this nation right now has been largely ignored. Immigration. From a time of our hard working great grandparents and grandparents and parents, we have become nothing more than a third world dumpster. And I truly resent that my hard earned money and yours is earmarked for any of these people. Never discussed at all by the two fools on the ballot. Of course, if it had been mentioned, the first person to get dropkicked across the pond would be Obama's shriveled old aunt, here illegally in public housing illegally and donating money to his campaign illegally. Obama said he has had trouble getting in contact with her, but a London newspaper had no problem tracking her down. For Pete's sake, I have cousins I haven't seen or spoken to in almost 20 years but I would certainly know where to find them today if I had to. More bullshit served piping hot over toast.

In our new and changed world, I will also need to alert my chosen and favorite charities. I am generous with my money and always have been. With St. Jude's. Juvenile Diabetes. My church. With higher taxes, I (and probably a lot of other folks) will have less to give to them. Unfortunately, my chosen charity will now be some shiftless lazy slob on the South Side of Chicago.

So, if you can connect all of these dots, you probably can figure that my vote is going begrudgingly to the guy who looks like your friendly neighborhood Walgren's pharmacist. Looking at an unofficial poll of where 50 or so of my friends lean, the percentage breakout is about 75-25 in favor of McCain. My canvassing, like all the other ones, means nothing. Truly, McCain is a candidate whose time has come and gone a long while ago. Indeed, history dictates that we now need to swing back in that other crazy direction for a while. But, I am also well aware that we, as a country, will never ever be in a good place until that pendulum stops swinging at all. And I will add one more slice of my life. If the skin color of these two guys was reversed, my vote remains the same. I don't care what your color is. Except, of course, if it's green and you look like you will be throwing up on my shoes.

So, I now archive this election to my back burner. Given that there will be no Tim Russert running around with his slateboard, I will eschew the watching of any coverage. No need to check in with Brit Hume or Katie Couric or Keith Olbermann (will his aorta please shut down soon!). I will bury myself in the Little Rascals DVD collection. I will watch a bunch of depression-aged kids, both white and black, work side-by-side to build a makeshift fire engine. I will revel in what this country used to be. And will never be again.

But, for now...at least, today, freedom is still ringing. As for tomorrow, fun returns to this blog.

Dinner last night: Crispy spicy beef at the Cheesecake Factory.