It's official. I've tested positive for nastiness.
---Here's what's left of my life. Good seats still available at Shea Stadium.
---From what I can see, Loge Section 7 is one of the last to go in the demolition. And that's the way it should be.
---This picture looks like a screenshot from one of those WWII movies set in Berlin.
---"At today's performance, the role of the Nazis will be played by the Wilpon family.
---Shea Stadium went down quicker than...
---Insert your favorite slut joke here.
---The wreckage there still reminds me of the Met bullpen last year.
---A-Roid! A-Roid! A-Roid!
---Just warming up for the baseball season, folks.
---I bet those injections are still paying dividends now that he's hooked up with Madonna.
---A-Roid came out and admitted he was stupid. But, didn't we already know that?
---The happiest guy in America right now is Joe Torre, whose controversy has now been pushed back in the newspaper. Somewhere between the personal ads and Marmaduke.
---Here's a great way to end the economic crisis: All the money that A-Rod made while on the juice should be used to bail out the country.
---Well, that should cover about 2% of the trillion dollars in the stimulus bill.
---Obama lasted in the political center about as long as Juan Pierre would last in a homerun hitting derby.
---He pretty much rolled over and let those two idiots, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, spearhead this bill that's loaded with nonsense.
---The only thing I want to see Pelosi ever carrying is a bag full of clothespins.
---If you look at a picture of Harry Reid, you realize that the age limit to be in Congress should be set at 150. Which might get him out.
---I'm thinking there's not much that stimulates him these days.
---Buried in all the stimulus garbage is the news that the White House and Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel will be taking over the national census.
---Huh??? Given that this, as written in our Constitution, determines how we are represented, this process should be done by an independent party.
--Maybe the White House will outsource the census to his friends at ACORN, where the highest level of math is the second grade.
---It's amazing how some people can't do simple arithmetic, but they know exactly how many food stamps they should be getting every month.
---Next stop, Hell. Watch the closing doors.
---So, they put that professional baby maker, Nadia Suleman, on national TV and I'm wondering how much she charged NBC for the interview.
--By the way, this mess already has three children who get federal assistance for disabilities. Plus she gets almost 500 dollars a month for food stamps.
---This news was all released to us by her publicist.
---She's on welfare, but she has a publicist???
---I have a blog, which acts as my publicist.
---Why don't I just have my salary direct deposited to her account?
---She's got 14 kids and, in my Presidency, they all go to 14 well-meaning couples who are infertile.
---And then somebody takes a box cutter to her ovaries.
---She's not a mother, she's a Pez dispenser.
---I never said this was going to be pretty.
---George Bush has been out of office for three weeks and I'm wondering how many times he's already screwed up Laura's grocery list.
---I was born 32 years ago today.
---Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if I believe that, what else is important?
Dinner last night: Grilled chicken and risotto.
3 comments:
Best line ever -She's not a mother, she's a Pez dispenser
Yes, good line.
But seriously, folks. Nadya's newest brood should be placed with eight infertile couples as penance for her crimes (fraud, ripping off taxpayers, overfertility, shameless laziness). She keeps the six she had but has to get a JOB. No excuses, bitch. And she gets a hysterectomy. I don't paying for that. Stop the madness.
Len: A Happy Birthday. May the upcoming year bring you health, happiness and give you more insights to share with all of us.
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