Your Weekend Movie Guide for February 2009

I spent many an hour at this Bronx movie theater located near the intersection of White Plains Road and 233rd Street. The photo was snapped most likely in the summer of 1969. One of my regular readers and good friends, 15thavebud, also will revel in this picture as I think he had a connection to the shoe repair store.

Nevertheless, here's my monthly service (free of charge) for you. I'll scour the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut, knee-jerk reaction to the stuff unspooling at your local "theatah." There will be no excuse if you make a lousy choice for your Valentine's Day moviegoing event.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Perhaps you did not read my blog entry of February 5. I will paraphrase. This movie sucks.

Slumdog Millionaire: Probably the favorite to win the Oscar for Best Picutre. Not on my ballot. Incredibly over-hyped and over-rated. Sari. That's a pun, by the way.

The Pink Panther 2: Steve Martin, you should be doing so much better than trying to duplicate the greatness that was Peter Sellers. Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!

Milk: Enjoyable and should win Penn another Oscar. The newspaper ad asks the question, "how did Milk move you?" Well, if I'm lactose-intolerant, you probably don't want to know.

The Wrestler: A helluva performance by Mickey Rourke and a visual indictment of the plastic surgeon who did the rotten job on his face. Can you spell "malpractice?"

Friday the 13th: Opening on Friday the 13th. And I bet there's some 23 year-old Hollywood studio marketer who thinks they're oh so clever. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to camp. For the remade sequel, I'd love to see Jason Voorhees terrorizing the White House.

Under The Sea 3D: Another nature documentary like that blasted movie about the penguins. Except now you find out what's happening under the ice that the penguins are pooping all over. For once, Morgan Freeman is not the narrator of one of these trifles. Perhaps he was busy at a driver re-education course.

Confessions of a Shopaholic: In this economy??? She should save her money. And ours.

The International: Some dribble about injustice at a powerful bank. As if you can't already find this on the Nightly News?

Frost/Nixon: You still haven't seen the best film of 2008? What the hell is your problem?

He's Just Not That Into You: And I'm just not into any theater playing this.

Waltz with Bashir: The hands down favorite for Best Foreign Film. Also my hands down favorite for a movie that I won't see this weekend.

Inkheart: No clue. And no interest.

Rachel Getting Married: Still????? The dysfunctional family that just won't go away. But, then again, whose does?

The Class: Another Foreign film nominee about some French class that mirrors what happened at Columbine. More reminders of past tragedies. Yawn.

Gran Torino: For getting passed over by the Academy, Clint Eastwood needs to go shoot up that place as well. A terrific story masterfully told. And a nagging reminder that there are too many fucking Asians in this country.

Coraline: Some cartoon or claymation about a little girl and a secret door in her house. Bet on the fact that she opens it. If not, this could be the dullest two hours of your life.

Doubt: Previously reviewed by yours truly. Well acted, over directed, and a trip down memory lane for anybody who went to a parochial school.

Underworld - Rise of the Lycans: As if the rise of the Democrats is not scary enough.

Defiance: Still lingering around and I'm still avoiding it. All is good.

Paul Blart Mall Cop: This made tons of money, but none of it came from my wallet. The three most frightening words in the English language: Kevin James Comedy.

Two Lovers: Some dreary romance with Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow. Two actors that I will run to see in pretty much, well, nothing. If Phoenix truly wants to start his rap career, I'd suggest now is as a good a time as any.

The Reader: Saw it and the story is compelling. It's also a trifle long. And I would like to officially ask Hollywood to stop making movies about the Holocaust. How many times can you hit the same note?

Revolutionary Road: Perhaps you did not read my blog entry of February 10. I will paraphrase. This movie sucks.

Dinner last night: Evelyn's Favorite Pasta at the Cheesecake Factory.