The Wednesday $21.99 Brake Pad Special

I can get you and your car out of here in less than 15 minutes.

---GM equals "Government Motors."

---Our President now says the Federal Government will stand behind all of our automobile warranties.

---So, does that mean if you call the White House, Michelle can hook you up for that oil change?

---The White House Pep Boys. Manny, Moe, and Barack.

---Okay, I get that we need to make sure the American auto industry keeps going. But, is it me or is there something inherently wrong with the Feds now becoming an extension of Gomer and Goober's Filling Station?

---If the head of GM gets fired by the President, how does the head of AIG still have his job?

---And the head of Elly Mae and Bernie Mac and all those other stupid housing assistance programs?

---When does Obama fire the guy who runs all the pistachios in this country because I hear they're screwed up as well?

---If this was last year, Obama might have taken over as the Met bullpen coach.

---Just so you all know. My car lease is up next month and I plan to get myself another new Toyota. The only car maker I have used in my entire driving life.

---I'd get an American car, but I don't want to spend the next three years eating snacks from a waiting room vending machine.

---Toyota is the only way to go. As much as their women can't drive for shit, the Japanese sure do make good cars.

---First Lady Michelle Obama explained to Oprah that her little stomach bump was not a baby.

---Oprah then explained to First Lady Michelle Obama that her big stomach bump was about seven cheeseburgers.

---Of course, maybe Michelle is going to give birth to that freakin' dog the kids have been asking for.

---I honored Earth Hour by turning off my Black Berry for ten minutes.

---As if one hour of no electricity will make a difference.

---Meanwhile, that fat tub of shit, Al Snore, observed Earth Hour by having every light on in his mansion.

---Jeez, I wonder how much energy this load burns just by constantly opening his refrigerator.

---Global warming, my ass.

---Actually global warming, his big fat ass.

---Totally a freaky thing happened at the diner last night. Some guy saw me, saluted, and said, "How ya doing, Craig?"

---"Huh?"

---The guy actually got indignant when I kept telling him I wasn't Craig as if Craig was this real prankster.

---Unless, of course, if this guy was having a brain seizure right in front of me and the juke box.

---Now I'm wondering just who Craig is and how much money there is in his bank account.

---Okay, I finally have found my annoying Idol finalist this season. That blonde idiot with the tattoo up and down her arm.

---Megan can't sing a note, but she has done everything but caress a pole on stage to get votes.

---God forbid she makes it another week when she's liable to lay naked on a bearskin rug and purr, "sic 'em, tiger."

---Please vote her off, America. I don't like her. Neither does Craig.

---It's April Fools Day and now the amalgamated hackers' union has some virus out there ready to destroy our computers.

---It's called Confictor and supposedly opens up your on-line bank account to the world. Boy, I'd hate to see what it's going to do with all of Craig's money.

---Hopefully, everybody has protected their PCs with a Windows update because, if you haven't.......ahlkfanljkghblithukzdbhjmvbaieug2rh8ohr13liubfouihbgdukbfaz.

Dinner last night: Bacon and cheese omelette at Cafe 50's Diner.