Wednesday Is The One Day To Have When You're Having More Than One

Today's rant is sponsored by Schaefer, the official beer of my parents.

---And, yes, they frequently had more than one.

---This has nothing to do with anything today, but you try and come up with a clever title every friggin' Wednesday.

---But, luckily, there's always plenty to bitch about.

---For instance, Obummer.

---Does he just like to bow a lot or is this a bad back in need of some Doan's Pills?

---He bowed to the Chinese President and does POTUS realize that his own daughters would have been "dispensed with" if China had its way?

---Let's face it. Not everybody in that godforsaken hellhole is practicing Zen Buddhism and writing clever things into fortune cookies.

---Most are pigs.

---Who don't cover their mouths when they sneeze. Anybody who flies on American Airlines can back me up.

---President Knucklehead's bizarro stance on nuclear weapons has essentially made our country go from the New York Yankees to the Kansas City Royals overnight.

---At the same time, FLOTUS paid a visit to Haiti. Unfortunately, it's a round trip ticket.

---Meanwhile, I overheard a captivating conversation on line for soda at the Aero Theater on Saturday night.

---Two 25-year-olds were discussing politics. One says to the other.

---"All these people who to tea parties are just mad that there's a Black guy in the White House."

---Oh, really?

---I wanted to turn around to this moron and say...

---"Gee, you must have very strong neck muscles."

---"They've have to be after carrying around all day that head loaded full of shit."

---Pick up a history book, you dumbbells. The original tea party was all about a protest about being overly taxed.

---Hello, Feccal Head. It's the same thing.

---Of course, they then turned their attention to talking about all the great things Bill Maher said last week.

---Uh huh. Bill Maher the renowned political pundit.

---Definition of a political pundit? A failed comedian who can't find any other work.

---I bet these two nitwits also drive Smart Cars.

---The cars might be smart but the drivers sure aren't. You might as well be behind the wheel of a phone booth.

---But they're small and cute. What's not to like?

---If I had led my life by that barometer, I would have had a lot more rotten dates in my life.

---Speaking of which, on 24, Jack Bauer finally gets some female action and she's immediately gone.

---I know how you feel, Jack.

---RIP, Dixie Carter. Never met the lady, but she actually once read one of our scripts and liked it.

---Sadly, plenty of people who didn't like one of our scripts are still alive.

---It comes out that John Tesh and Oprah were once an item.

---An item of what?

---Well, frankly, he doesn't look particularly bright, so he might not have known until two days later.

---So, I'm glad Conan O'Bastard got a show on TBS. Because I know how fast 30 million dollars of severence pay can run out.

---The only problem with Conan going on TBS is that they will promote it ad nauseum during next year's baseball playoffs.

---Gee, I think I'm already sick of seeing the commercials now.

---Dumbest thing I overheard at yesterday's Dodger home opener: After the traditional pre-game flyover, this was said in the row behind me.

---"How come the Lakers never have any flyovers at the Staples Center?"

Good night, Gracie.

Dinner last night: German salami sandwich.