If I Tweeted in April....

I don't, of course.  But, if I did, this is what you might have seen this past month.

@LenSpeaks  While in California, Obama zoomed past my apartment.  He didn't stop to say "hi."  The Presidential edition of Passover.

@LenSpeaks  The restaurant he ate at was Tavern in Brentwood.  It was $35,000 a plate.  When I went there, I got by with spending fifty bucks.  That included two drinks.

@LenSpeaks  And the company was better...

@LenSpeaks  Two Black bitches beat the shit out of some transexual in a Baltimore McDonald's.  Not exactly a Happy Meal.

@LenSpeaks  When you take your life into your hands at a McDonald's, it should be because of the food and not the clientele.

@LenSpeaks   How come we never hear the President make any public comments about these hate crimes???

@LenSpeaks   Anybody who considers Donald Trump for President is a moron.  I'm just sayin'.

@LenSpeaks   A worse hair-do?  Gaddafi or Trump?  Show of hands, please.

@LenSpeaks   Trump keeps harping on Obama's birth certificate.  Who cares??  I stopped worrying about birth certificates when Luis Tiant couldn't produce his.

@LenSpeaks   Breaking news.  There is a birth certificate.  And, despite what some people think, his parents were humans.

@LenSpeaks   I wish this American Idol judging panel had been my faculty at Fordham.  I would have graduated with a 4.0 GPA.

@LenSpeaks   Looking at some of Jennifer Lopez' screen work, she should be no judge of quality.

@LenSpeaks   This year's Idol roster reminds me of the criminals on trial at Nuremberg.  You can't possibly like any of them.

@LenSpeaks   You just know that Idol finalist Casey Abrams got beat up a lot in school.  Heck, I'd punch him a couple of times myself.

@LenSpeaks   The Idol finalist James Durbin always looks like he's just been maced.

@LenSpeaks   Happy to say that another season has gone by and I still don't watch "Dancing with the Stars."

@LenSpeaks   I keep hearing that contestant Kirstie Alley keeps falling down.  What?  No tsunami warning??

@LenSpeaks   At the Dodger game the night that MLB took control of the team.  Nothing's changed, except Tommy Lasorda has to buy his own sodas now.

@LenSpeaks   Worst deficit run-up?  Obama or Frank McCourt?  Show of hands, please.

@LenSpeaks   Everybody's making Bud Selig into a hero because he kicked out McCourt.  Hell, Bud is the asshole who let him buy the team in the first place.

@LenSpeaks   Thinking of Selig, he's also the jerk who didn't see the steroids in baseball 15 years ago.  Stevie Wonder could have found them in the Cardinal clubhouse.

@LenSpeaks   All the steroids were visible on Google Earth!

@LenSpeaks   With such low attendance figures, Citi Field now really does look like Ebbets Field.  In September of 1957.

@LenSpeaks   Going to the TCM Classic Film Festival this weekend and this must be a typo on the schedule.  Q & A with Elizabeth Taylor?

@LenSpeaks   Oh, sorry.  That would be Debbie Reynolds.  I always get those two mixed up.  Signed, Eddie Fisher.

@LenSpeaks   Rachel Maddow reminds me of that androgynous Pat character on SNL.  Guess the gender.  It's a coin flip.

@LenSpeaks   I've formed an exploratory committee to investigate the possibility that there will be nobody for me to vote for in the 2012 Presidential election.

@LenSpeaks   Ron Paul is running for President again.  Which raises the possibility that the next First Lady could be the Queen of Fish Sticks---Mrs. Paul.

Dinner last night:  Chicken teriyaki at BJ's.