Friday, March 29, 2013

If I Tweeted - March 2013

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, here's what I would have tweeted this past month.

#LenSpeaks  When you are working from home, you have no idea how often the phone rings during the day.

#LenSpeaks  I can have my air ducts cleaned.

#LenSpeaks  Gutters unclogged.

#LenSpeaks  Termites exterminated.  The only thing I can't find is somebody to stop these damn calls.

#LenSpeaks  PS, I am on the "Do Not Call" list.  Which is about as ridiculous as saying that your Social Security checks will be kicking in around 2025.

#LenSpeaks  Had a phone solicitation from the Alzheimer's Foundation on a Saturday morning at 830AM.  I asked them if they had forgotten what time it was.

#LenSpeaks  Even on early Saturday mornings, I still got it.

#LenSpeaks  Who shot JR this time?

#LenSpeaks  I am hoping it was Joe Biden.  A win win.

#LenSpeaks  Michelle Obama is on vacation again.  From what?  Unless it does a forty hour work week to put on and take off wigs.

#LenSpeaks  I actually got a letter from Nancy Pelosi asking me to donate money to the Democratic Party.  I should send her back a link to this blog.

#LenSpeaks  Oh, wait!  There is white smoke.  We have a new Pope! 

#LenSpeaks  Yesterday there was black smoke.  I burned a tray of sugar cookies.

#LenSpeaks  I wonder what they are burning in the Vatican to get all this smoke.  And how many children are in those photos?

#LenSpeaks  For a few days, the cardinals were deadlocked.  I guess the guys from Ohio and Florida are forced to break the tie.

#LenSpeaks  Waiting for the new Pope to appear.  Karl Rove is not ready to concede.  He is stll crunching the numbers.

#LenSpeaks  Why the heck am I watching this TV coverage?  I'm not Catholic.

#LenSpeaks   All TV channels have switched to Papal coverage.  Even HGTV.  Just in case the new guy wants renovations to the Pope's bathroom.

#LenSpeaks  If the new Pope is Black, we could have a scene re-enactment from Blazing Saddles.  Gabby Johnson announcing that "the new Pope is a.....GONG!"

#LenSpeaks  The Vatican has a military band?  Who are they fighting?  Presbyterians??

#LenSpeaks  A delay in announcing the new Pope.  Probably going over papers with Vatican HR.

#LenSpeaks  "What do you mean there's no profitsharing plan?"

#LenSpeaks  "I gotta work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day???  Do I get two floating holidays instead?"

#LenSpeaks  And here he comes from behind the curtains like Johnny Carson.  Francis...the talking Pope.

#LenSpeaks  These factoids about him are ridiculous.  He's from Argentina and likes long walks on the beach.

#LenSpeaks  His favorite TV show is Two and a Half Men.  He likes to cuddle with the Vatican-approved Snuggie.

#LenSpeaks  The new Pope is 76.  Which means the Vatican is the only place that is hiring anybody over the age of 55.

#LenSpeaks  It's amazing how much time you can waste on the computer waiting for the new Pope.

#LenSpeaks  Heading to NY.  My American Idle tour stops there for a week.

#LenSpeaks  I feel totally safe on American Airlines.  No terrorists want to watch NBC prime time programming.

#LenSpeaks  Now I feel totally secure in this country.  President Obama has selected his NCAA brackets.

#LenSpeaks Same sex marriage.  I know married friends who complain they have the same damn sex all the time.

Dinner last night:  Beef and pork lasagna from Gelson's.

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