235: MAXIMINUS THRAX IS PROCLAIMED EMPEROR. HE IS THE FIRST FOREIGNER TO HOLD THE ROMAN THRONE.
So, would Maximinus' father's sister be his Aunt Thrax? On a slow historical news day, that may be the best joke I got today.
1208: MICHAEL IV AUTOREIANOS IS APPOINTED ECUMENICAL PATRIARCH OF CONSTANTINOPLE.
Told you it was a slow day. You're going to be digging that "Aunt Thrax" gag any minute now.
1600: THE LINKOPING BLOODBATH TAKES PLACE ON MAUNDY THURSDAY IN LINKOPING, SWEDEN.
Maundy Thursday? Wasn't that a Mamas and Papas song?
1602: THE DUTCH EAST INDIA COMPANY IS ESTABLISHED.
A news day as slow as Ed Kranepool.
1616: SIR WALTER RALEIGH IS FREED FROM THE TOWER OF LONDON AFTER 13 YEARS OF IMPRISONMENT.
That gave him a lot of time to collect those coupons that used to come on the backs of those cigarette packs.
1726: PHYSICIST DR. ISSAC NEWTON DIES.
Don't sit under the apple tree with anybody else but me.
1760: THE GREAT FIRE OF BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, DESTROYS 349 BUILDINGS.
And they thought Bobby Valentine was devastating to this city.
1815: AFTER ESCAPING FROM ELBA, NAPOLEON ENTERS PARIS WITH A REGULAR ARMY OF 140,000 AND A VOLUNTEER FORCE OF AROUND 200,000.
Now that's what I call a "community organizer."
1852: HARRIET BEECHER STOWE'S "UNCLE TOM'S CABIN" IS PUBLISHED.
Topsy turvy.
1861: AN EARTHQUAKE COMPLETELY DESTROYS MENDOZA, ARGENTINA.
Talk about your "Mendoza Line."
1903: ACTOR EDGAR BUCHANAN IS BORN.
And that's Uncle Joe...he's a-moving kind of slow at the Junction.
1906: NY MAYOR ABE BEAME IS BORN.
Coming up short again.
1906: ACTOR OZZIE NELSON IS BORN.
Good. Now Harriet will have somebody to sleep with.
1913: SUNG CHIAO-JEN, A FOUNDER OF THE CHINESE NATIONALIST PARTY, IS WOUNDED IN AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT AND DIES TWO DAYS LATER.
I will bookmark this factoid when March 25 rolls around for its "Date in History."
1914: IN NEW HAVEN, CONNNECTICUT, THE FIRST INTERNATIONAL FIGURE SKATING CHAMPIONSHIP TAKES PLACE.
And today's historical news slows to a tortoise-like crawl.
1916: ALBERT EINSTEIN PUBLISHES HIS GENERAL THEORY OF RELATIVITY.
Which states....that your aunt's son is your cousin.
1918: TV GAME SHOW PRODUCER JACK BARRY IS BORN.
Joker, joker, joker...
1922: RADIO PERSONALITY RAY GOULDING IS BORN.
Because Bob needed somebody to play off.
1922: ACTOR/PRODUCER CARL REINER IS BORN.
I had a whole conversation with him once about people who throw paper towels on the floor in a public bathroom. Hollywood can be so glamourous.
1928: TV HOST FRED ROGERS IS BORN.
A beautiful day in his neighborhood.
1933: GIUSEPPE ZANGARA IS EXECUTED IN FLORIDA'S ELECTRIC CHAIR FOR FATALLY SHOOTING ANTON CERMAK IN AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT AGAINST PRESIDENT-ELECT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT.
So if you shoot a President-elect, does that still count?
1935: ACTOR TED BESSELL IS BORN.
Happy birthday to....That Guy!
1936: COMEDIAN VAUGHN MEADER IS BORN.
Had a show business career for 1,000 days...or however long JFK was President.
1942: GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR MAKES HIS FAMOUS SPEECH REGARDING THE FALL OF THE PHILIPPINES, IN WHICH HE SAYS: "I CAME OUT OF BATAAN AND I SHALL RETURN."
I read this too fast and I thought he said "I came out IN Bataan." Completely different angle on the story.
1952: THE UNITED STATES SENATE RATIFIES A PEACE TREATY WITH JAPAN.
After completely rebuilding the country for them.
1972: ACTRESS MARILYN MAXWELL DIES.
Bob Hope will need to find somebody else to warm his feet.
1974: JOURNALIST CHET HUNTLEY DIES.
Smoking does kill.
1985: LIBBY RIDDLES BECOMES THE FIRST WOMAN TO WIN THE 1,135 MILE IDITAROD TRAIL SLED DOG RACE.
And the slow historical news day hits rock bottom.
1990: IMELDA MARCOS GOES ON TRIAL FOR BRIBERY, EMBEZZLEMENT, AND RACKETEERING.
Bad shoes should have been added to the list of offenses.
1999: LEGOLAND CALIFORNIA, THE ONLY LEGOLAND OUTSIDE OF EUROPE, OPENS.
Well, it didn't really open. It was snapped together.
2010: POLITICIAN STEWART UDALL DIES.
A hearse U-Haul for Udall.
Dinner last night: Turkey burger at the NY domicile.
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