Your Black Friday Holiday Shopping Guide for 2014

If you're out in the malls today, you're no friend of mine.  I don't like to associate with crazy people.  Especially when you have at your virtual fingertips my annual shopping guide.   For the hard-to-gift.   Or just plain folks you'd like to be rid of.  Once again, Sky Mall gives us lots of great holiday present ideas.  

It's a pillow.   No, it's a TV remote.  No, it's a pillow.  No, it's a TV remote.  Hey, it is easier to throw at the screen when your team loses.

My family never wore matching Christmas clothes.  Ever.

A Darth Vader toaster.  May the margarine be with you.

A remote control-powered tarantula.  When the real thing isn't revolting enough.

With this extension, you can take a selfie that includes all 12 of your friends.  As if you had 12 friends you wanted to be in a picture with.

Just in case Tommy Smothers is on your gift list.

For the Ebola victim in your family.

For 400 bucks, you can get your cat this robotic litter box.  For two bucks, I'll come over and hold his head under water.

For a mere fifteen thousand dollars, you can have your own tanning spa at home.   And doesn't this gift idea have "Fire Department" written all over it?

How fucking lazy are you if you can't hold a hair dryer in your hand???

For those who think Louie the Barber's rates have gone up.  Have plenty of iodine handy.

The extra heavy fins might make a nice gift for the missus that needs to sink to the bottom.

Dinner last night:  The traditional Thanksgiving Day feast cooked by yours truly.