636: THE RASHIDUN CALIPHATE DEFEATED THE SASSANIAN EMPIRE IN IRAQ.
These damned caliphates are still around, God damn it.
1095: THE COUNCIL OF CLERMONT, CALLED BY POPE URBAN II TO DISCUSS SENDING THE FIRST CRUSADE TO THE HOLY LAND, BEGINS.
I'm personally waiting for the Third Crusade. By then, they will have all the kinks out.
1493: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS GOES ASHORE ON AN ISLAND HE FIRST SAW THE DAY BEFORE. THIS WILL LATER BECOME PUERTO RICO.
So he discovered that? Gee, thanks, Chris.
1794: THE UNITED STATES AND THE KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN SIGN JAY'S TREATY, WHICH ATTEMPTS TO RESOLVE SOME OF THE LINGERING PROBLEMS LEFT OVER FROM THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.
Jay's Treaty sounds like a bit on the old Tonight Show.
1863: US PRESIDENT ABE LINCOLN DELIVERS THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS.
Without a teleprompter, I might add.
1905: BANDLEADER TOMMY DORSEY IS BORN.
And what about Jimmy??
1911: THE DOOM BAR IN CORNWALL CLAIMED TWO SHIPS, KILLING THE ENTIRE CREW OF ONE EXCEPT THE CAPTAIN.
So they don't all go down with the ship.
1916: SAMUEL GOLDWYN AND EDGAR SELWYN ESTABLISH GOLDWYN PICTURES.
A Wyn Wyn.
1917: INDIAN POLITICIAN INDIRA GANDHI IS BORN.
Along with probably three million other Indians the same day.
1919: ACTOR ALAN YOUNG IS BORN.
And still with us. Or so the horse tells me.
1920: ACTRESS GENE TIERNEY IS BORN.
I'll never forget the day that Laura died.
1921: BASEBALL STAR ROY CAMPANELLA IS BORN.
Yes, his father was Italian.
1933: TV HOST LARRY KING IS BORN.
Sad to report.
1936: TV HOST DICK CAVETT IS BORN.
Remember when there were only three late-night hosts? Oh, wait, there still are.
1938: BUSINESSMAN TED TURNER IS BORN.
For a while, Mr. Jane Fonda.
1942: DURING WORLD WAR II, SOVIET FORCES LAUNCH THE OPERATION URANUS COUNTERATTACKS AT STALINGRAD.
Everybody forgets they were on our side at this point.
1942: FASHION DESIGNER CALVIN KLEIN IS BORN.
Nice pants.
1943: THE HOLOCAUST - NAZIS LIQUIDATE JANOWSKA CONCENTRATION CAMP IN THE WESTERN UKRAINE, MURDERING AT LEAST 6,000 JEWS.
They could use a better word than "liquidate."
1944: US PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT ANNOUNCES THE 6TH WAR LOAN DRIVE.
Buy Bonds Now. Still.
1946: AFGHANISTAN, ICELAND, AND SWEDEN JOIN THE UNITED NATIONS.
You're going to regret letting in the first one.
1950: US GENERAL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER BECOMES SUPREME COMMANDER OF NATO-EUROPE.
A bigger job coming shortly.
1959: THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY DISCONTINUES THE EDSEL.
So much for getting new parts.
1962: ACTRESS JODIE FOSTER IS BORN.
No truth to the rumor that her middle name is Bananas.
1969: APOLLO 12 ASTROANUTS PETE CONRAD AND ALAN BEAN BECOME THE THIRD AND FOURTH HUMANS TO WALK ON THE MOON.
Names we never remember.
1969: SOCCER STAR PELE SCORES HIS 1,000TH GOAL.
That's an awful lot of running around.
1985: US PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN AND SOVIET UNION LEADER MIKHAIL GORBACHEV MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME.
About that wall....
1985: ACTOR STEPHIN FETCHIT DIES.
So go and shine your own shoes.
1988: BUSINESSWOMAN CHRISTINA ONASSIS DIES.
Who wouldn't want to be mentioned in this will?
1990: POP GROUP MILLI VANILLI ARE STRIPPED OF THEIR GRAMMY AWARD BECAUSE THE DUO DIDN'T SING ON THEIR LAST ALBUM.
These days, there are dozens of rock stars I wish wouldn't sing.
1998: THE US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES JUDICIARY COMMITTEE BEGINS IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS AGAINST PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON.
Who me? What did I do?
1998: DIRECTOR ALAN J. PAKULA DIES.
Killed tragically when a metal pipe from the car in front of him shot through his windshield on the Long Island Expressway. Dying on that road is redundant.
2004: PRODUCER TERRY MELCHER DIES.
Doris Day outlives her son by a decade.
Dinner last night: Pepperoni pizza.
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