Your Weekend Movie Guide for March 2015

This movie by the great George Stevens opened fifty years ago this month.  And, unlike the book it was based, the film died at the box office.   Loaded with cameo appearances by big stars, it came off as a bit of "It's A God, God, God, God World."  Or Jesus Christ on the Love Boat.  You get the picture.

This is the time of year where big Biblical pictures used to get released.  No more.   Now it's the usual crap in the usual theaters.   You know the drill, guys.   I'll sift through the movie pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to the torture we can expect at the hands of Hollywood.

Maybe we should just give up movie going for Lent.

Birdman:   The best picture of the year.   Or so they tell us.

Chappie:  The trailer made it look like a live action version of Wall-E, which was a horrible Disney cartoon.  Sounds more like crappie to me.

Timbuktu:   Used this gag last month, but I'll vary it.  "Waiting for Timbukfour."

The Theory of Everything:   You win Oscars in a wheelchair...

Still Alice:  ....or if you lose your car keys.   Review of this one coming soon.

Song of the Sea:   Personally, I'm still waiting for them to re-release Song of the South.

Cinderella:  Disney now does this story in live action with Lily James (Lady Rose on Downton Abbey).   No clue as to who they've cast as the mice.

Two Days, One Night:   If you want to see Marion Cotillard's Oscar nominated performance, you just might be the one to push the box office take into double figures.

Whiplash:   Still in theaters, but you can see it on DVD.  And you should.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2:  The water's apparently a bit tepid this time around.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel:  If you're wondering where the 85-year-old in your life is, check wherever this film is playing.

Focus:   Will Smith tries to get back into the winning column.  PS, you all know he plays for both teams, right?

Fifty Shades of Grey:   If you've got a Korean porn subscription, why bother?

The Duff:   Reviewed here the other day.   Surprisingly fun.

Buzzard:   Everything you wanted to know about Nancy Pelosi.

Unfinished Business:   A Vince Vaughn comedy.   Also, at the same time, a Vince Vaughn tragedy.

Kingsman - The Secret Service:  Not the guy who hit a lot of homers for the Mets in the 70s.

Merchants for Hire:   A documentary about pundits-for-hire who are falsely viewed as experts.   Karl Rove better be in this.

McFarland, USA:  Kevin Costner in this year's sports inspirational movie from Disney.  If you miss this, don't sweat it.   The same script will be reworked next year.

Maps to the Stars:  A Hollywood horror tale from David Cronenberg.  Heads probably explode by the third reel.

The Lazarus Effect:  If you want to see people raised from the dead, check out the film in the poster at the top.   The guy in that movie is really, really good at it.

An Honest Liar:  A documentary on the Amazing Randi.   Review coming, but you should see it before it...ahem...disappears.

Deli Man:  Review coming.   But be sure to eat before you see this documentary.

Selma:  If you really want to know about this march from 1965, you'll get more facts on Wikipedia than in this mess.

October Gale:   Patricia Clarkson trapped in a cabin with a stranger.   As a former Fordham graduate, Miss Clarkson should be used to this kind of horror.

'71:   The English and the Irish fighting back in 1971.  Was there a point spread?

American Sniper:   Still resonating with me.  Anxiously awaiting the DVD.

Walter:   A multiplex ticket taker copes with his life.   I can understand the dilemma.  Especially if he's ripping tickets for two-thirds of the garbage listed above.

Muck:   A burial ground in Cape Cod.  Should they have released this around Halloween?

The Lovers:  Josh Hartnett falls into a coma and is transported into a romance back in 19th Century India.  I hope I get a better destination when I'm in my coma.

Home Sweet Hell:  Katherine Heigl is in it and that instantly explains the title.

Run All Night:  Liam Neeson stars, which means he's a widower falsely accused of something and must clear his name.   I mean, that was the plot of his last dozen movies.

The Cobbler:   Adam Sandler stars.   Try the apple or the peach instead.

The Wrecking Crew:   A documentary I saw two years ago is finally released.   A great tale about all those terrific background musicians from the 60s.   A terrific visual jukebox.

Kidnapping Mr. Heineken:   Oh, God, does Mr. Lowenbrau know about this??

Two Men in Town:  An ex-con rebuilds his life.   Which Congressional district did he represent?

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch so just a sandwich.