30 BC: CLEOPATRA, THE LAST RULER OF THE EGYPTIAN PTOLEMAIC DYNASTY, COMMITS SUICIDE, ALLEGEDLY BY AN ASP BITE.
With Liz Taylor in the screen role, they could have sung the ditty from "A Chorus Line." "Tits and Asp."
1121: THE GEORGIAN ARMY UNDER KING DAVID IV WINS A DECISIVE VICTORY OVER THE FAMOUS SELJUK COMMANDER ILGHAZI.
Was Il later married to Ben? I'll wait.
1480: OTTOMAN TROOPS BEHEAD 800 CHRISTIANS FROM REFUSING TO CONVERT TO ISLAM.
Oh, just like in 2015.
1624: THE PRESIDENT OF LOUIS XIII OF FRANCE'S ROYAL COUNCIL IS ARRESTED, LEAVING CARDINAL RICHELIEU IN THE ROLE OF THE KING'S PRINCIPAL MINISTER.
Oh, no. Not him. Realistically, I had nothing else to write for this.
1676: PRAYING INDIAN JOHN ALDERMAN SHOOTS AND KILLS METACOMET, THE WAMPANOAG WAR CHIEF.
Maybe there was another war chief named Ajax. Again, I'll wait.
1687: CHARLES OF LORRAINE DEFEATS THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.
And later opened up his own hair salon.
1851: ISAAC SINGER IS GRANTED A PATENT FOR HIS SEWING MACHINE.
I need the pants by Monday.
1881: PRODUCER CECIL B. DEMILLE IS BORN.
The greatest schmo on earth.
1883: ACTRESS MARION LORNE IS BORN.
Aunt Clara on Bewitcher.
1883: THE LAST QUAAGA DIES AT A NETHERLANDS ZOO.
Rendering the next-to-last quaaga a bitter footnote.
1898: THE HAWAIIAN FLAG IS LOWERED FROM A PALACE AND REPLACED WITH THE US FLAG TO SIGNIFY THE TRANSFER OF SOVEREIGNTY FROM THE REPUBLIC OF HAWAII TO THE US.
Aloha.
1910: ACTRESS JANE WYATT IS BORN.
Father knew best. Mother was better looking.
1911: ACTOR CANTINFLAS IS BORN.
He was this big deal in Mexico.
1914: DURING WORLD WAR I, THE UNITED KINGDOM DECLARES WAR ON AUSTRIA AND HUNGARY.
No goulash for the duration.
1929: SINGER BUCK OWENS IS BORN.
Buckaroos.
1930: MATHEMATICIAN JACQUES TITS IS BORN.
Included only because, for the first time ever in this blog, I have used the words Tits twice in one entry.
1939: "ACTOR" GEORGE HAMILTON IS BORN.
Note the quotation marks.
1944: SS TROOPS MASSACRE 560 PEOPLE IN SANT'ANNA DI STAZZEMA.
As if this was news.
1944: NAZI TROOPS END THE WEEK-LONG WOLA MASSACRES, WHICH TOTALLY ABOUT 40,000 PEOPLE KILLED.
More murders. Talk about one-trick-ponies.
1950: DURING THE KOREAN WAR, AMERICAN POWS ARE MASSACRED BY THE NORTH KOREAN ARMY.
Today, they just hack our computers.
1952: THE NIGHT OF THE MURDERED POETS - THIRTEEN PROMINENT JEWISH INTELLECTUALS ARE KILLED IN MOSCOW.
For all those who thought this stopped in 1945.
1958: ART KANE PHOTOGRAPHS 57 NOTABLE JAZZ MUSICIANS IN THE BLACK AND WHITE GROUP PORTRAIT "A GREAT DAY IN HARLEM."
Coffee table book to follow.
1964: SOUTH AFRICA IS BANNED FROM THE OLYMPIC GAMES DUE TO THE COUNTRY'S RACIST POLICIES.
Duh.
1964: CHARLIE WILSON, ONE OF THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBERS, ESCAPES FROM PRISON IN ENGLAND.
Since that happened in 1963, that didn't take him long.
1964: AUTHOR IAN FLEMING DIES.
James Bond Will Not Return.
1981: THE IBM PERSONAL COMPUTER IS RELEASED.
Whatever happened to IBM?
1982: ACTOR HENRY FONDA DIES.
Now what's all this crud about no movie tonight?
1990: SUE, THE LARGEST AND MOST COMPLETE TYRANNOSAURUS REX SKELETON FOUND TO DATE, IS DISCOVERED BY SUE HENDRICKSON IN SOUTH DAKOTA.
Wonder how she came up with that name?
1994: MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYERS GO ON STRIKE AND THIS WILL CANCEL THE 1994 WORLD SERIES.
A true black eye from which they have only partially recovered.
2000: ACTRESS LORETTA YOUNG DIES.
The door closes for the last time.
2002: BASEBALL STAR ENOS SLAUGHTER DIES.
He never went on strike.
2007: TV STAR MERV GRIFFIN DIES.
He will not be back after this commercial message.
2009: GUITARIST LES PAUL DIES.
Strum this.
2014: ACTRESS LAUREN BACALL DIES.
It seems like she just died a year ago. Oh, wait, she did.
Dinner last night: Bacon wrapped Dodger Dog at the game.
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