25: GUANGWU CLAIMS THE THRONE AS EMPEROR AFTER A PERIOD OF POLITICAL TURMOIL, RESTORING THE HAN DYNASTY.
I wonder if Han Dynasty delivers.
642: BATTLE OF MASERFIELD - PENDA OF MERCIA AND KILLS OSWALD OF NORTHUMBRIA.
Oh, Mercia, Mercia, Mercia.
1100: HENRY I IS CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND.
Seven more King Henrys until we get to the real fun one.
1305: WILLIAM WALLACE, WHO LED THE SCOTTISH RESISTANCE AGAINST ENGLAND, IS CAPTURED AND TRANSPORTED TO LONDON WHERE HE IS PUT ON TRIAL AND EXECUTED.
All in one day???
1583: SIR HUMPHREY GILBERT ESTABLISHES THE FIRST ENGLISH COLONY IN NORTH AMERICA, AT WHAT IS NOW ST. JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND, AND LABRADOR.
...retriever.
1620: THE MAYFLOWER DEPARTS FROM ENGLAND ON ITS FIRST ATTEMPT TO REACH NORTH AMERICA.
So does this mean they didn't get there the first time?
1735: FREEDOM OF THE PRESS - NEW YORK WEEKLY JOURNAL WRITER JOHN PETER ZENGER IS ACQUITTED OF SEDITIOUS LIBEL AGAINST THE ROYAL GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK, ON THE BASIS THAT WHAT HE HAD PUBLISHED WAS TRUE.
Back when journalism was still alive.
1763: BRITISH FORCES LED BY HENRY BOUQUET DEFEAT CHIEF PONTIAC'S INDIANS AT BUSHY RUN.
I assume they were beat in battle and not on the softball field.
1772: THE FIRST PARTITION OF POLAND BEGINS.
So before this, there were no walls in Poland?
1858: CYRUS WEST FIELD AND OTHERS COMPLETE THE FIRST TRANSATLANTIC TELEGRAPH CABLE AFTER SEVERAL UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS. IT WILL OPERATE FOR LESS THAN A MONTH.
So overall, this was not so successful.
1861: IN ORDER TO HELP PAY FOR THE CIVIL WAR EFFORT, THE US GOVERNMENT LEVIES THE FIRST INCOME TAX AS PART OF THE REVENUE ACT OF 1861.
Yeah, this won't be the first time.
1861: THE US ARMY ABOLISHES FLOGGING.
That's a shame.
1874: JAPAN LAUNCHES ITS POSTAL SAVINGS SYSTEM, MODELED AFTER A SIMILAR SYSTEM IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.
No clue what this means and whether or not I care.
1882: THE STANDARD OIL OF NEW JERSEY IS ESTABLISHED.
Hence those big tanks on the side of the turnpike.
1884: THE CORNERSTONE FOR THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IS LAID ON LIBERTY ISLAND.
With that torch, she could light a cigarette after being laid.
1888: BERTHA BENZ DRIVES FROM MANNHEIM IN THE FIRST LONG DISTANCE AUTO TRIP.
I don't know which joke to go with. 1. Bertha, meet Mercedes. Or..... 2. Driving from Mannheim, did she use a steamroller.
1906: DIRECTOR/ACTOR JOHN HUSTON IS BORN.
Badges. We don't need no stinkin' badges.
1911: ACTOR ROBERT TAYLOR IS BORN.
I had two jokes on one entry above. For this one, I have none.
1914: IN CLEVELAND, OHIO, THE FIRST ELECTRIC TRAFFIC LIGHT IS INSTALLED.
Which means that there was a person who was the first not to stop at it.
1926: HARRY HOUDINI PERFORMS HIS GREATEST FEAT, SPENDING 91 MINUTES UNDERWATER IN A SEALED TANK BEFORE ESCAPING.
I've sat on the runway at JFK longer.
1930: ASTRONAUT NEIL ARMSTRONG IS BORN.
One small step, one big push from Mommy...
1943: BASEBALL PLAYER NELSON BRILES IS BORN.
An average pitcher who I once interviewed mainly because he did a Paul Lynde impersonation.
1944: WORLD WAR II - POSSIBLY THE BIGGEST PRISON BREAKOUT IN HISTORY OCCURS AS 545 JAPANESE POWS ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE IN AUSTRALIA.
Australia? Why would you want to leave?
1944: WORLD WAR II - THE NAZIS BEGIN A WEEK-LONG MASSACRE OF ANYWHERE BETWEEN 40,000 AND 100,000 CIVILIANS AND PRISONERS IN POLAND.
Now that is a wild swing in estimates.
1945: ACTRESS LONI ANDERSON IS BORN.
If she wore a t-shirt for her old show, it would read W k r P. Think about it.
1956: ACTRESS MAUREEN MCCORMICK IS BORN.
She was hot, but I really dug Jan with those glasses.
1957: AMERICAN BANDSTAND DEBUTS ON THE ABC TELEVISION NETWORK.
Dick Clark had a free hour to kill every week.
1958: HERBERT HOOVER ECLIPSES JOHN ADAMS AS HAVING THE LONGEST RETIREMENT OF ANY FORMER PRESIDENT UNTIL THAT TIME. IT HAS SINCE BEEN ECLIPSED BY JIMMY CARTER.
The latter couldn't have been retired soon enough.
1962: ACTRESS MARILYN MONROE DIES.
Dies. Ha ha.
1969: MARINER 7 MAKES ITS CLOSEST FLY-BY OF MARS.
I wonder if man will ever make this trip.
1981: PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN FIRES 11,359 STRIKING AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS WHO IGNORED HIS ORDER FOR THEM TO RETURN TO WORK.
That's one long line at the unemployment office.
2000: ACTOR ALEC GUINNESS DIES.
Sir Alec to you.
2002: SPORTSCASTER CHICK HEARN DIES.
Really in that refrigerator now.
Dinner last night: Chef's salad.
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