These days, the really scary prospect is how some of the new movies even get made. You know the drill, gang. I'll sift through the LA Times movie pages and give you my gut reaction to what's polluting our cinemas.
Maybe we should all put something over our heads.
The Diary of a Teenage Girl: And the Nazis came up the stairs. Oh, wait. Wrong teenage girl.
Shaun the Sheep Movie: As opposed to Shaun the Sheep Broadway Drama?
Minions: A cartoon perfect for the High Holy Days.
Ant-Man: Raid!!!
The Second Mother: Always gets the better jewelry from the first father.
The Man from UNCLE: I hear it's so bad that Robert Vaughn and David McCallum want to sneak into the projection booth and destroy all copies.
Meet The Patels: I'd rather not.
Learning to Drive: Patricia Clarkson takes lessons from Ben Kingsley. I wonder if Gandhi has fits of road rage.
Sleeping with Other People: What you're doing if you see this film in a crowded theater.
Straight Outta Compton: Reviewed here recently. And surprise! I sort of liked it.
We Are Your Friends: Never trust a movie with characters who say that.
A Walk in the Woods: Nick Nolte and Robert Redford hike through the woods. This film must be at least ten hours long.
The Visit: The latest from M. Night Shymalian who continually proves that, with the "Sxith Sense," he really is a one-hit wonder.
She's Funny That Way: A new comedy from Peter Bogdanovich. For those three of you who have been anxiously waiting.
No Escape: Never trust a movie with that title.
90 Minutes in Heaven: A pastor goes to Heaven for a while. How come you never see any movies where the character dies and go to Hell for a bit?
Mistress America: Reviewed here recently. Heed my advice.
Grandma: Review coming. Please be patient. Your reading is important to us.
The Transporter Refueled: That probably wasn't such a good idea.
American Ultra: Sounds like a new brand of cigarette.
Steve Jobs - The Man in the Machine: A documentary about some computer guy.
Pawn Sacrifice: All about that chess player Bobby Fischer. Checkmate.
About Ray: A teenage transgender. So, if they were still making those Gidget movies, would she have eventually become a boy?
Cooties: Do you really want to see a movie with his title???
Sicario: A lawless area near the US-Mexico border. Donald Trump stars as the sheriff.
Some Kind of Hate: I think Trump is in this, too.
Everest: This looks interesting. A drama about the 1996 expedition to climb the mountain. Probably tons of CGI, though.
Black Mass: Whitey Bulger works with the FBI in 1970s Boston. Gee, I guess that affiliation was short-lived.
Captive: A widow is held captive and tries to reason with her captor by using a Christian self-help book. Seriously.
The Martial Arts Kid: Paging Ralph Macchio.
Maze Runner - The Scorch Trials: Good. Another Maze Runner. Whatever the hell that is.
Meru: A documentary about climbing some mountain in the Himalayas. Gives you an interesting choice up against Everest.
Z for Zachariah: ZZZZZZ for the whole movie.
War Room: This is not the documentary from twenty years ago about the 1992 Bill Clinton Presidential campaign. That said, I have no idea what it is.
Mission Impossible _ Rogue Nation: Still hanging around. The most fun I had at the movies this summer.
The Gift: An old high school chum torments a married couple. That's what you get when you have loose security settings on Facebook.
Dinner last night: Chinese vegetable stir fry.
No comments:
Post a Comment