Friday, June 16, 2017

Your Weekend Movie Guide for June 2017

This great popcorn movie opened fifty years ago this month and set up for a rollicking summer at the cinema.   I'm still shocked that Jim Brown couldn't outrun those grenades.

Meanwhile, Hollywood starts its 2017 summer and I doubt there will be anything as entertaining.   You know the drill, boys and girls.   I'll zip through the movie pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to the crap in our theaters this weekend.   

Or watch for "The Dirty Dozen" on TCM.

Wonder Woman:   On its opening weekend, everybody in the universe but me saw it.  I can't believe the attention.   What am I missing?

The Mummy:   Starring Tom Cruise, the Dummy.

The Hero:   About some old cowboy that's a lot like Sam Elliott.  Oh, wait, it is Sam Elliott.

Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Men Tell No Tales:  I'd walk a plank first.

Paris Can Wait:   So can this movie.

Band Aid:  If the film sucks, maybe it won't hurt so much when you pull it off quickly.

Megan Leavey:   All about a female soldier and her dog.   Here, Lassie!

Beatriz at Dinner:   I hear this is a dreadful tale about people talking politics over dinner.   As if our own personal lives aren't bad enough.

Dean:  Paging Frank and Sammy.

It Comes at Night:  For me, it's cold sweats.

Norman - The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer:   Say the title and the movie is over.

My Cousin Rachel:  Based on a novel by Daphne du Maurier.   Book report optional.

The Wedding Plan:  After her fiance calls off their wedding a month before the ceremony, a woman decides to keep the reservation and trusts God will provide her with a husband.  Let me know how that works out.

Churchill:  Self-explanatory.   I hope.

All Eyez on Me:   A biopic about Tupac Shakur.   Eyez and well, also a sheet.

The Book of Henry:   This might be the forgotten Gospel.

Can Hitler Happen Here:   No, this is not a documentary about our current President.

Cars 3:   As a movie franchise, it's a better amusement park ride.

47 Meters Down:   Two women trapped in a shark cage.   You'll need a bigger cage.

Rough Night:  A bachelorette party goes south when the male stripper dies.   That's like the perfect elevator pitch to get my attention.

Pray for Rain:  Murder in drought-stricken California.   We told that guy not to water his lawn.

Moscow Never Sleeps:   How else can you keep up with all the information leaks?

Maudie:  Ethan Hawke as a folk artist in love with some old timer.   Free admission with an AARP card.

Long Live the King:  A documentary on King Kong.  Now that's interesting to me.

Kill Switch:  People harvesting energy from parallel universes.   I literally yawned halfway through that sentence.

Dinner last night:  Leftover pasta.

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