800: CHARLEMAGNE ARRIVES AT ROME TO INVESTIGATE THE CRIMES IMPUTED TO POPE LEO III.
CSI:Vatican.
1549: THE PAPAL CONCLAVE OF 1549-50 BEGINS.
That is one long meeting.
1729: NATCHEZ INDIANS MASSACRE 138 FRENCHMEN, 35 FRENCH WOMEN, AND 56 CHILDREN NEAR MODERN-DAY NATCHEZ, MISSISSIPPI.
35 French women for 138 Frenchmen and only 56 children?
1781: THE CREW OF THE BRITISH SLAVE SHIP ZONG MURDERS 133 AFRICANS BY DUMPING THEM INTO THE SEA TO CLAIM INSURANCE.
And, no, Rachel Maddow, Trump was not the captain.
1783: A 5.3 MAGNITUDE EARTHQUAKE STRIKES NEW JERSEY.
Except nobody lived there to feel it.
1847: MISSIONARIES DR. MARCUS WHITMAN, HIS WIFE, AND 15 OTHERS ARE KILLED BY INDIANS, CAUSING THE CAYUSE WAR.
Talk about your Whitman Sampler.
1877: THOMAS EDISON DEMONSTRATES HIS PHONOGRAPH FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Playing at 2 RPM.
1890: THE MEIJI CONSTITUTION GOES INTO EFFECT IN JAPAN AND THE FIRST DIET CONVENES.
Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
1902: THE PITTSBURGH STARS DEFEATED THE PHILADELPHIA ATHLETICS, 11-0, AT THE PITTSBURGH COLISEUM, TO WIN THE FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP ASSOCIATED WITH AN AMERICAN NATIONAL PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL GAME.
Yay! I had Philadelphia with 12 points.
1927: DODGER BROADCASTER VIN SCULLY IS BORN.
National holiday petition, please!
1929: US ADMIRAL RICHARD BYRD LEADS THE FIRST EXPEDITION TO FLY OVER THE SOUTH POLE.
As the Byrd flies...
1944: WORLD WAR II - ALBANIA IS LIBERATED BY THE PARTISANS.
The Partisans, but which side?
1947: FIRST INDOCHINA WAR - FRENCH FORCES CARRY OUT A MASSACRE AT MY TRACH, VIETNAM.
My Trach is Your Trach.
1949: COMIC GARRY SHANDLING IS BORN.
And we lost him too soon.
1952: KOREAN WAR - US PRESIDENT-ELECT DWIGHT EISENHOWER FULFILLS A CAMPAIGN PROMISE BY TRAVELING TO KOREA TO FIND OUT WHAT CAN BE DONE TO END THE CONFLICT.
Well, you can tell them to stop shooting for one.
1955: COMIC HOWIE MANDEL IS BORN.
Celebrate by putting a rubber glove over your head.
1963: US PRESIDENT LYNDON JOHNSON ESTABLISHES THE WARREN COMMISSION TO INVESTIGATE THE ASSASSINATION OF PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY.
Just make sure you say Oswald worked alone, wink, wink.
1967: VIETNAM WAR - US SECRETARY OF DEFENSE ROBERT MCNAMARA ANNOUNCES HIS RESIGNATION.
He got out just as we were really starting to lose big.
1969: YANKEE CLOSER MARIANO RIVERA IS BORN.
Too late to watch the Mets win the World Series.
1972: ATARI ANNOUNCES THE RELEASE OF PONG, THE FIRST COMMERCIALLY SUCCESSFUL VIDEO GAME.
Ping, Pong.
1981: ACTRESS NATALIE WOOD DIES.
Or "is murdered" depending upon your viewpoint.
1986: ACTOR CARY GRANT DIES.
The Corpse and the Bobby Soxer.
1887: KOREAN AIR FLIGHT 858 EXPLODES OVER THE THAI-BURMESE BORDER, KILLING 115.
So, play the number 858115 in today's lotto.
1999: TV HOST GENE RAYBURN DIES.
"Gene doesn't look so good today. That's because he's________."
2001: BEATLE GEORGE HARRISON DIES.
Our Sweet Lord.
2009: MAURICE CLEMMONS SHOOTS AND KILLS FOUR POLICE OFFICERS INSIDE A COFFEE SHOP IN WASHINGTON.
That's a waste of four good donuts.
2016: MTM FOUNDER GRANT TINKER DIES.
Saw him multiple times here. In a car wash and a restaurant twice.
Dinner last night: Leftover BBQ pulled pork.
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