The Late Saul and Heshe Talk The Oscars

Longtime readers here will remember there were some years early on where we would eavesdrop on a conversation between Hollywood veterans Saul and Heshe as they chatted about the Oscars at their favorite Los Angeles deli.   Well, they passed on a while back.   But, there's damn good WiFi in Heaven.   And, boy, do they have a lot to say.

"Hello?   So, where's your cloud?"

"I'm over there with Jane Russell and Shelley Winters.   You?"

"I'm with the wife's family.   Could never ditch 'em for the high holidays.   Now I'm stuck forever."

"It's not so bad here.  The pastrami is lean.  And you get the soda directly from the real Dr. Brown."

"So, what was it that got you, pardon the expression."

"Eh, I got the C."

"Cancer."

"No, COVID.  I got so confused with those facockta masks.   I used to wear mine over my eyes like Arlene Francis guessing the mystery guest on What's My Line."

"Oy vey iz mir.   The ticker got me.   At Canter's.   Face down into the rice pudding."

"Oy."

"It's a bracha we didn't stick around for that social distancing.  Six feet apart, oy."

"Except Uncle Miltie could still manage to give a lady a tickle even at that distance."

"God bless."

"We ain't missing anything.   Plus they got all these rivers up here to watch."

"You mean streams."

"Tomato, tomatoe.  Thank God we get TCM and I can still look at Debra Paget."

"They had the Oscars last night.  Did you watch?"

"Yes and now we can kvetch.   What's with those three women hosting?   Two of them schvatz.   I heard Bob Hope all the way over here."

"And they don't play movie music anymore?  They use some schlemiel playing records?"

"They should have just had a jukebox and bring enough quarters for the crowd."

"It used to be such a big deal...the Oscars.  Until all those fressers got involved."

"What's with all the schvatz?   I haven't seen that many since the opening cast call for King Kong."

"Back then, if you were schvatz and your agent didn't get you a part in a Tarzan movie, you fire him."

"Oy."

"Nothing but pishers running the business.   Into the ground."

"Did you see any of the nominees?"

"Only a few.  Bill Holden stole some of my screeners."

"It's all garbage.  But I'm glad that deaf movie won because I can't hear so good either."

"And there was a fight on stage.  That Will Smith slapped Chris Rock."

"You can't take them anywhere."

"Smith got mad because Rock made fun of his wife with the Yul Brynner look."

"That's a laugh because everybody know those two are fagilla.   He likes the boys and she likes the girls."

"They should have settled their argument like we used to in the old days.   In the Musso and Frank's parking lot."

"These altacockers can't even get that right."

"Woo and did you see Liza Minnelli?   Uh-oh, not good."

"She'll be here soon.  Start spreading the news."

"Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome."

"Life is a cabaret.  Death is a casket."

"At least, Judy will be happy.   She's always over at Mickey Rooney's cloud.  He needs a break."

"I forgot how much fun it was to kibbitz with you."

"I'm always available.   And we've got nothing but time."

"Lots and lots and lots of time."

Dinner last night:   Leftover angel hair pasta and meatballs.