Hey, Wednesday, It's Me, Pugsley

And you were expecting Psalm 115?

---I am anxiously awaiting the Fall premiere of "Back to You" starring Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton with tons of great talent behind the camera as well. This is the great chosen hope for the restoration of the multi-camera sitcom.

---But, if Fox continues to run the same damn promo all summer, they will kill my interest. I already can recite it like a robot: "For's God sake, do you ever cut your nails. It's like a falcon landed on my wrist."

---The quickest way to lose me for a new Fall show is to bombard me all summer long with the same clips. I have never watched a single frame of "My Name is Earl." Primarily because for the three months before it debuted, they ran the same annoying clip every game on Diamondvision at Dodger Stadium. By late July, I was done.

---A lot of friends thought Patricia Heaton was an annoying character on "Everybody Loves Raymond." I will counter that she had to be, because she was the glue that held that whole show together. Think about it. If she's not there, the show doesn't work.

---Heaton held ELR together like Audrey Meadows was the driving force on "The Honeymooners."

---Has Melinda Doolittle put out her CD yet?

---I'm betting you get this all the time now. Telephone help that concludes their business with you by asking "Have I provided you with excellent service today?"

---Honey, you have no idea what my criteria are for excellent service.

---You didn't cure cancer, foster world peace, or conquer global warming, so I am thinking the service was a little less than excellent for me.

---Don't you once want to say "no" so you can hear the pages quickly turning in their script looking for the response to that?

---Actually, since I gave YOU my credit card number, YOU should be telling me how wonderful I am.

---To the knucklehead who was on line with me at Phillipe's the other day and refused to shut up with his incessant banal questions, I can tell you that I have no openings in my life at the current time for the position of "Total Stranger."

---Watch how I use economical word power to kill two birds with one pebble.

---Hey, Lindsay Lohan, can you give Rosie O'Donnell a ride to her appointment with the psychiatrist?

---So, Rosie leaves The View and has one of her gremlins draw a moustache on Elizabeth Hasselback's poster in the hallway.

---Yeah, she's really normal. If her mom had lived, maybe she would have been the one to give RoRo the spanking she deserved when she was 13. Instead, her family threw their hands up as she became Jabba the Hutt while sucking down Hostess Snowballs on the couch.

---Don't believe the hype from her people that there are mega-offers coming her way for a new TV show. No broadcast executive in his or her right mind would hire this verbal mushroom cloud. Unless, of course, if the job is man the cash register and fold CSI t-shirts in the gift shop.

---She had her own show already, remember?? And it's not on anymore because, after the first year, the ratings went into the toilet faster than a meal at Carl's Jr.

---On her latest video blog, Fathead actually defends the woman who did the graffiti at ABC. Meanwhile, Rosie has this look of some bum who woke up on the wrong side of the dumpster.

---Watching the Cubbies play the Dodgers over the weekend, I can tell you that Lou Piniella is going to have one long hot summer on Lake Michigan.

---The Cubs make at least one bonehead play per game. Derrek Lee gets picked off second base in the middle of a rally. Michael Barrett throws to the wrong base when somebody tries to steal. And you watch Fat Lou get more and more steamed.

---He looks like some guy waiting for a bus at a corner and the bus goes right by without stopping. That bizarre mix of shock and downright indignation.

---Good news. The young daughter of the late Crocodile Tormentor, Steve Irwin, has officially taken over her dad's TV show on the Animal Planet. Bindi says she is now happy to "be with all my animal friends."

---Like father, like daughter. More solid proof that insanity is hereditary.

---These animals will be her friends until one of them decides they're kind of peckish for some "little girl." I'm taking the age of 13 in the office pool.

---Bindi's mom, Terri, has also taken one too many kangaroo paws to the head. In the press release for the new show, Mommy refers to the day her daughter was "hatched."

---Hey, Numbskull, your daughter didn't come out of a chicken's ass. She's not an egg. Until, of course, Allie the Gator decides to have her over easy.

---There's a new airline called Skybus that will charge only $10 for a round trip ticket. They will charge you $15 for a blanket.

---Just what we need....air travel now becomes nothing more than a city bus in the sky.

---Memorial Day was always the "unofficial" re-opening of the baseball season with day games and holiday doubleheaders. On Monday, there wasn't even a full slate of games. Both the Mets and Dodgers had the day off.

Seems like the only thing you can count on these days is for me to get really nasty on Wednesdays.

Dinner last night: German sausage sandwich.