Surprise! Not!

Jordin Sparks is the new American Idol.

If you sat on pins and needles for two hours and thought you would hear otherwise, "Misguided" is your middle name. Of course, if you were out for the evening and DVRed the event, I just told you the winner and your replay won't. Since the show ran over by 12 minutes, most TiVos probably shut down before the announcement.

If Blake had the mere notion of a nano-chance, he gyrated it away with that nauseating rendition of this year's Idol song. The only place that should be heard again is on the album "Epilepsy for Strings." Despite the success of past Idol second place finishers, Blake is destined to barely be a Trivial Pursuit question. The beatboxing will be a novelty act for teen birthday parties, but only if he can mix in some balloon animals.

Indeed, the whole show was full of music and actually a decent listen. They dragged out almost all Idols (save for Fantasia, who is either on Broadway in the Color Purple or in a roller derby match) and near-Idols. Yes, we had to sit through one more castor oil dose of Sanjaya, who heads off on the Idol tour before he settles into his day job rinsing hair at Super Cuts. Idol Winner # 2 Reuben Studdard came back from his time share in Oblivion, USA, and his main contribution was to model a suit from the James Gandolfini collection. And, for some bizarre notion, the Idol producers dragged out some of the worst auditions this year for one more bow...extending their undeserved 15 minutes of fame to an almost incomprehensible 16 minutes.

At the same time, I actually got a chill listening to Melinda and Lakisha jamming with Gladys Knight. They carted out Tony Bennett and Bette Midler, which suddenly made me realize why American Idol does serve a purpose. You can tell their voices are going. The torch is lit for passing. And the well gets replenished with the likes of Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Jordin Sparks, and Melinda Doolittle.

So, as goofy as Idol can get, it's generally worth the attention.

Song is good.

Dinner last night: turkey meat loaf with red cabbage and sweet potato salad.