Team Clemens

Here's one of my favorite shots of Roger Clemens. Pitching during Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. I look at it and realize just how horrible he's going to feel about three hours later.

Well, I am happy to know that 2007 will offer one more baseball season where we can watch this consummate professional toil at his wily craft. Baseball fans will be truly honored all over again to see him throw five quality innings every fifth or sixth day.

When is this nonsense going to stop? Are teams that starved for pitching that, every May, we are going to be subjected to this annual announcement of Roger's return to baseball? For the Yankees this year, certainly anybody that can zip up his uniform pants can qualify as a starting pitcher. I am guessing Whitey Ford couldn't be be coaxed off the golf course. And, when that dinosaur fossil Bob Shepherd went on the PA and re-introduced Clemens to the Yankee Stadium menagerie last Sunday, I was actually waiting for him to say....."And returning to manage in 2010....Billy Martin."

Bill Stoneman, GM of the Los Angeles Angels of Orange County in the Western Time Zone, nailed it. "I don't think this is good for the integrity of the game. He shouldn't be able to sit on the sidelines, watch how things are going and decide where to go. No club should be able to benefit from that."

Bingo.

Sure, we get Clemens' regurgitated pablum about wanting to be involved one more time with a baseball team headed for a championship.

Fat Boy, you haven't been involved with any team but yourself in years.

Tim McCarver got it right. He said during Fox' Saturday game that, if Clemens was truly interested in being part of a team's championship year, he should be with them as early as spring training.

Amen.

We keep welcoming back this lowlife year after year. We let him dictate the rules. He wants to perserve his strength, so he can't possibly pitch earlier than May 15. For that same reason, he's allowed to miss most games when he is not pitching. He essentially sweeps in only when he is scheduled to work. I guess being there to support his other teammates on those "non-Roger" days really saps his energy. Even former teammate David Wells, another staunch pillar of the community, says this is bad for team morale. And try this one on for size: Greg Maddux, also on the side of 40 that is closer to 50, was asked if he would ever try the Clemens approach of shortening his season to perserve his annual pitch count. Maddux replied that he would never try it because he loves being with a team in spring training.

A team. A unique four letter word in the classless Clemens vocabulary.

Of course, this pig is also making money hand over fist with his pro-rated seasons. Sure, you can tell me that a lot of it goes to the Roger Clemens Foundation, which is dedicated to advancing educational and religious avenues for children. Uh-huh. You know what the latter means, right? We are growing more fundamentalists. Just what this country need. But, I digress...

I remember when Jolly Roger bolted from the Toronto Blue Jays to go to the Yankees years ago. He didn't want to close out his career without being in a World Series.

Roger, I have two words for you.

Ernie Banks. Roger, you're not even fit to clean up the sunflower seeds Ernie spits out onto the dugout floor.

Whether it be on the mound or in the clubhouse, Roger Clemens is concerned about one thing and one thing only: Roger Clemens. It's about the money in his pocket. The ring on his finger. He could care less about anybody else.

I am hoping that, even with his talents, forty four plus years on this earth have slowed his reflexes at least one nano-second and he won't be able to get out of the way of a screeching line drive back to the box. And, while he will still show flashes of dominance, there will be more and more outings where he is lit up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. It's not like he's going to make that much of a difference for the Junkees. He's just one more starter on a staff that can't get past 5 2/3 innings. They need at least 3 relief pitchers every game, and that includes Mariano Rivera who is definitely winding down. If the Pinstripes needed to pull in a pitcher from the woodpile, they should have gone after Dennis Eckersley or Goose Gossage.

Hopefully, maybe some baseball season soon, this overstuffed ego will stay down on his Texas farm with his goofy wife (have you ever listened to her being interviewed? Her IQ is lower than Roger's career ERA) and those peckerwood kids of his.

Of course, the longer he pitches, the longer it will take for him to be inducted into the Hall of Fame.

If we're lucky, all those steroids will finally take hold and the honor will be posthumous.

Dinner last night: Turkey burger at the Cheesecake Factory.