A Wamsutta Wednesday

That reminds me. It's time to change my bed.

---Trick or treat, Barack.

---Yes, I know these pictures are misleading, but still... Where there's turban, there's fire.

---You know there are people in the Republican party learning to use Photoshop as we speak. Because, sometime around October, there will be a picture of Obama sitting Indian-style in Afghanistan and eating chocolate donuts with Osama Bin Laden.

---I wonder if Bill's telling Hillary to have this costume checked for semen stains.

---You gotta love the New York Post, though. I'm waiting for the headline that says Obama saw Elvis getting out of a UFO.

---No offense, but all these pictures make me think is that Obooboo has a future as a crossing guard in Baghdad.

---If Ba-lack gets in the White House, wait till he sees the sheets they have in the Lincoln Bedroom.

---How about a sneak preview of an Oval Office conversation next January 21. Obama (to his wife): "Uh-oh, what do we do now?"

---By the way, we have elected prominent African-Americans before. How soon we forget Marion Barry?

---David Dinkins.

---Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick who has done so much dirty stuff he's probably going to finish his term in prison.

---I'm just saying...

---I have a new game. The first one to kick Michelle Obama in the teeth wins.

---I am really sorry Mrs. Obooboo endured so much racism at Princeton and Harvard. Kind of ironic since it's probably her race that got her scrawny ass accepted there in the first place.

---Because if it isn't for university racial quotas, she's sitting on a stool at the post office weighing priority mail.

---She thinks she had it bad. Try being a Protestant at Jesuit-taught Fordham University.

---Let's face it. Nobody's that impressed about a Harvard education anymore. The only things that place is turning out these days are crooked lawyers and Saturday Night Live writers.

---No surprise here that this year's Oscar telecast was the lowest rated in history. People tune out when they don't have a rooting interest in the nominated pictures like they did the year "Titanic" was out.

---Let's be real. Was there anybody out there Sunday night who was yelling at their TV, "Come on, Diving Bell and the Butterfly, win!"

---Also a little silly that we watched all the high fashion on the red carpet and then we were subjected to countless commercials from J.C. Penney's.

---Because we all know Jennifer Garner shops there, right?

---If daytime talk shows are so devoted to showing us how strong American women can be, how come the hosts break down and cry at the drop of a hat?

---First, there was Ellen and that dog pound business. Now, we have Whoopi dropping salt water all over the floor during that stupid hen party "The View" just because they didn't show a clip of her hosting stint during the Oscars.

---You don't hear Brad Renfro whining that he was left out of the annual death roll call, do you?

---Speaking of daytime nonsense, I actually had to TiVo Fat Oprah's gabfest on Monday because my once and future girlfriend, Valerie Bertinelli, was a guest.

---In one hour long program, you are subjected to about 20 minutes of Oprah's mindless studio audience doing nothing but hollering and whistling and laughing.

---There was one exchange where Valerie mentioned she had once romantically kissed another woman. And Oprah replied by saying she never had.

---Then I was hollering and whistling and laughing. Who the hell is this slob kidding? She's seen more of Gayle King's insides than an ultrasound machine.

---Note to Oprah: 50 pounds of make-up cannot hide a double chin.

---I learned in this interview that Valerie Bertinelli was strung out on cocaine on her wedding night, has slept around quite liberally, and dumped Steven Spielberg because he didn't eat garlic.

---Honey, I forgive you.

---And I absolutely LOVE garlic.

---This year, I'm a big fan of little David Archuleta on "American Idol." He sings like he's 30, but he's really 17 and looks like he's 11.

---He'll be the first Idol finalist with a paper route.

---I just hope he doesn't come out some week and try to sing "Me and Missus Jones."

---How many times does Roger Clemens have to get his pants pulled down in public before he changes his underwear?

---By the way, whoever has an extra photo of Clemens at that Jose Canseco party, please forward a copy to Mike Piazza. He's putting together a scrapbook.

Dinner last night: Lasagna.