While you can't go out to some palace like the Loew's Paradise for a Saturday night movie, there are other venues to sample for your buttered popcorn and a large soda. Here's my monthly service to you. I sift through the entertainment pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut reaction on where these movies belong on your attend-o-meter. Good luck.
Atonement: Hanging around based on 7 Oscar nominations. It is just okay, but watch out for that 13-year-old girl who's up for Best Supporting Actress. She's the creepiest teenager since Amy Carter.
Michael Clayton: Brought back because of 7 Oscar nominations. My personal favorite of all the Best Picture noms. See it if you haven't.
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: Hanging around based on 4 Oscar nominations. Actually, the first half hour, which focuses on life as seen through the eyes of a paralyzed stroke victim, is interesting. But, after that, your own brain waves start to slow down and you start grasping for the button that will bring the nurse, er, I mean, usherette. Bring a soft pillow.
The Band's Visit: Members of the Egyptian Police form a brass band and they play in Israel. Picture Robert Preston doing "The Music Man" with some Wamsutta sheets around his head.
Fool's Gold: The trailer has been running for months and it's a weekly reminder for me to avoid the movie and do a 100 sit-ups so that I, too, can have abdominal muscles just like Matthew McConaughey. Of course, I do have one leg up on Mr. McConaughey. I can read.
The Bucket List: For lack of anything else, I actually saw this last weekend. Two guys get cancer and die. There, I just told you the whole freakin' movie. I spent the whole two hours trying to get an accurate count on Morgan Freeman's skin blemishes.
27 Dresses: Find one single guy in the audience. I defy you.
Cloverfield: As I was leaving the aforementioned "Bucket List" last weekend, this horror flick was letting out. I saw kids leaving the theater and holding onto the wall because they were so dizzy. And if you're going to make your core audience nauseous, that doesn't bode well for the rest of us.
Persepolis: Nominated for Best Animated Feature. This cartoon tells the story of a young Iranian girl during the Islamic Revolution. And who says they can't make fun cartoons anymore? Cruella DeVille means Saddam Hussein. With Mel Blanc as the voice of Allah.
The Savages: Definitely catch it if you have not. A sterling performance from Laura Linney.
The Hottie and the Nottie: Paris Hilton is the star. Not a shottie.
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins: Go away, Martin Lawrence.
No Country for Old Men: Hanging around based on 8 Oscar noms. This will probably win the Best Picture Oscar. If you have not seen it, you'll feel a lot more satisified if you leave ten minutes before the end.
Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus: A Disney-produced concert film! I truly have compassion for any parent with an 8-year-old daughter who has to sit through this. I just found out that Miley Cyrus is the offspring of country's one-hit wonder, Billy Ray Cyrus. I have no idea what to do with that mindless factoid.
Juno: If you still haven't seen it, do so. The smartest screenplay in years. Any writer who uses the word "shenanigans" in a sentence should automatically win the Pulitzer Prize.
In Bruges: A bunch of hitmen running around Belgium, apparently the new murder capital of the world.
There Will Be Blood: There will be boredom. This is truly the George W. Bush of Best Picture nominations. Apparently, enough Academy members voted for it, but I have yet to meet anybody who didn't hate it.
Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show: A documentary about the actor leading a troupe of stand-up comics on a barnstorming tour. I am not sure when this unfunny slug became the barometer for comedy. All of a sudden, he is the Arthur Godfrey of the Nintendo generation.
Cassandra's Dream: Woody Allen now sets all his movies in London, where marrying your daughter must be legal. The reviews are dreadful. Woody, hang 'em up. Write your memoirs and call it a career.
Mad Money: Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes rob the U.S. Treasury. And the movie goer at the same time. Keaton, once one of our pickiest actresses, will now appear at your dinner party for a dollar.
The Eye: Some horror dreck with Jessica Alba. That, in itself, is an oxymoron.
Untraceable: I once saw Diane Lane at a car wash. She didn't mention this movie at all. The title also translates to the box office receipts.
Caramel: Some fantasy love story. Sounds gooey.
The Great Debaters: Still hanging around based on no Oscar nominations. But, it's up for a slew of NAACP Awards, which will be presented next week at Roscoe's House of Waffles in Crenshaw. I must have been held hostage a while back because I actually saw this movie. Another Oprah fact bender that paints every White person in the picture as the vilest creature to ever walk the Earth.
Rambo: Sylvester Stallone is back to defend nursing homes all across the country. First time ever that a Hollywood movie stuntman had to work while driving one of those Hoverrounds. Look for lots of Ben Gay product placements.
Dinner last night: Turkey burger at the Cheesecake Factory.
1 comment:
I have to give a plug for Philip Seymour Hoffman and Philip Bosco in The Savages. These two honest, and at times painful to watch, performances should be seen by anyone with elderly parents or those of us who already lost them. It's all true and sad. A film for grownups.
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