The photo at the left shows you one of my favorite movie palaces in Los Angeles. I frequently turn to the Egyptian on a Saturday night for a classic double feature, primarily because there's nothing playing anyplace else.
So, here I am again. Your cinematic consumer advocate. I flip through the weekend entertainment section of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut reactions on the films being advertised for your viewing.
Good night and God bless.
Sex and The City: Amazingly, it beat out Indiana Jones last weekend for top box office and I didn't realize there were that many male manicurists in this country. At 2 and a half hours, this is essentially the equivalent of a five episode marathon. The biggest laugh comes when Kim Cattrall has diarrhea in her bathing suit. Are you laughing yet? Friends who have seen it tell me the movie is lousy.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Still have not sampled, although, once again, most friends who have seen it tell me the movie is lousy. The ending allegedly is stupid and confusing and don't we already have enough of that in the country's political landscape? Spielberg is getting older and he was bound to lose focus eventually.
When Did You Last See Your Father?: In a Mount Vernon, New York nursing home and the Black orderly stole his TV. As for this movie, it's about some poet and his relationship with his dad and I would much rather spend my time trying to track down that orderly.
Kung Fu Panda: More cartoon nonsense that doesn't hold a candle to the Looney Tunes of the 40s and 50s. And it's probably loaded with MSG.
You Don't Mess With the Zohan: Here we go again with Adam Sandler. He plays an Israeli counterterrorism agent who fakes his own death to move to NY and fulfill his dream of becoming a hairstylist. Sandler is dying to be treated as a serious actor, but then he shows up with this junk. One step forward, nine hundred steps backward.
The Chronicles of Narnja, Prince Caspian: I hear this is absolutely terrible. Read the book. Better still read another book.
Baby Mama: Still lingering like the smell in the bathroom of the bus station. Or that nursing home where my father's TV was stolen by a Black orderly. In a momentary lapse of judgement, I saw this junk several weeks ago. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler need to return to their TV careers. Better still, they need to return to their waitress jobs at the Olive Garden. Mystery talents.
Speed Racer: Still hasn't gone, gone, gone. A man from my church, who is over 60, told me he and his girlfriend hated it. I acknowledged this review in silence, but I secretly wondered how the hell those two wound up seeing it in the first place. I now put one extra pew between me and him on Sundays.
Stuck: A depiction of that true story where a woman ran over some homeless bum and he died while stuck in her windshield. And I'm betting she had just washed her car, too.
Iron Man: Saw it and enjoyed it. For a special effects-based movie, you need to see this for the great acting offered up by Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges, and the extremely under-valued Robert Downey Jr.. Finally, an action movie with characters that have motivations. Who knew this could exist?
War, Inc.: A satire featuring Dick Cheney as the CEO.
The Strangers: Some couple getting terrorized in a remote cabin. Where is Norman Bates when you need him?
The Promotion: Two guys battle for the job of supermarket manager. Who knew that the A & P could be such a pool of sharks? Mongol, the Untold Story of the Rise of Genghis Khan: Sounds more like a term paper than a movie. I will take this movie as pass/fail only. Perhaps it should be on a double feature with Kung Fu Panda. Or better yet, Genghis Khan slices up Kung Fu Panda. Roman De Gare: French. Claude Lelouch. I believe the French word is "dormir." What Happens in Vegas: Apparently stayed there. Still hanging around, but this was a critical and box office bomberoo. The Children of Huang Shi: Just how much Chinese crap must we endure this week? Then She Found Me: Helen Hunt's directorial debut and I saw it a while back. It's quite dreary and I think the director was feuding with the star. Given that they were one in the same, I suppose you can expect problems. Miss Conception: Some stupid comedy with that madcap comedienne Heather Graham. I never miss one of her comedies. Actually I alwasy miss one of her comedies. Bigger, Stronger, Faster: Lousier. All about steroids. The movie is probably about twice as long as it should be. The Foot Fist Way: Will Ferrell and Seth Rogan. Two of my absolute favorites. I won't even drive past a theater where it's playing.
Dinner last night: Louisiana Hot Sausage at the Dodger Game.
2 comments:
It isn't Kim Cattrall, it's Kristin Davis who has the accident. And this friend did not think the movie lousy. Not as good as the series, maybe, but I enjoyed it, and, as you know, have volunteered to see it again.
The Kim Cattrall reference came straight from a movie review I read, which means said reviewer obviously didn't bother to see the film.
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