Back when you could say these things on TV and not worry about it...
Peter Marshall: Can Jewish boys get into Boys' Town.
David Brenner: No, but we can own it.
Peter Marshall: According to Apartment Life magazine, can you tell anything significant about the personality of a person whose apartment has brown carpeting, brown furniture and brown walls?
Paul Lynde: Yes, their maid just exploded.
Peter Marshall: According to police, if you are being molested, other than yelling "Help!" what is the best thing to scream?
Rose Marie (clapping): "More!"
Peter Marshall: True or false...most personal physical attacks are never reported to police.
Rose Marie: No, I just put them in my diary.
Peter Marshall: True or false...most African soccer teams have their own witch doctor.
Redd Foxx: That's true...and their motto is, "If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em."
Peter Marshall: You're eating chicken, and you notice the bones are very dark. What does that tell you about the chicken?
David Steinberg: At one time, the chicken had rhythm...
Peter Marshall: Famed Doctor Theodore Rubin was asked recently, "What causes prejudice?" He said "I'll answer in one word." What word was it?
Paul Lynde: Puerto Ricans.
Peter Marshall: To the people of Italy, what is "the poe"?
Paul Lynde: The opposite of "the rich."
Peter Marshall: In ancient times, after a battle, the losers would present the winners with a handful of grass. What did this symbolize?
Paul Lynde: The losers were Mexican!
Peter Marshall: True or false...in Egypt, they grow a special kind of cotton that is multi-colored.
Paul Lynde: And white people have to pick it!
Peter Marshall: Paul, when the citizens of China want a drink of water, they usually do something to it first. What?
Paul Lynde: Remove the shirts.
Peter Marshall: Paul, at the end of the movie Planet of the Apes, what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.
Peter Marshall: Flip Wilson has said that he's eaten about 2,000 of them and enjoyed them immensely. To what was he referring?
Paul Lynde: Missionaries.
Peter Marshall: According to The Book of Fairies , who is that creature who stands 14 inches tall, is 400 years old, and is dressed all in Lincoln green?
Paul Lynde: The Emperor Hirohito.
Peter Marshall: Paul, where at any one time will you find one quarter of the earth's population?
Paul Lynde: Crossing the Rio Grande.
Peter Marshall: Can you cross a pumpkin with a watermelon?
George Gobel: Yeah, but you're gonna end up with a jack-o-lantern with an afro.
Peter Marshall: You are married in India. How did you probably meet your spouse?
Paul Lynde: We were fighting over a lima bean.
Peter Marshall: The average child in China learns how to do it at age three. The average child in America never learns. What?
Paul Lynde: Oh, how to pull a rickshaw.
Dinner last night: Dodger Dog at the game.
2 comments:
When games shows were fun.
Political correctness has done more damage to humor than anything else. Witness these great punchlines broadcast on network TV.
I remember Lynde's comment about the end of Planet of the Apes. Amid audience laughter, Peter Marshall said "The mail will flow, the mail will flow."
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