Gasp! Christmas Eve is a Wednesday!!!

So, how can I commence with the usual Wednesday nastiness? Well, for this one week, I can't and won't. Trust me all the political nitwits will still be around next week for the usual flogging. Just for today, a little different spin. Here's some pet peeves I've gathered over this Christmas season.

---First of all, is it me or is that picture above disturbing? I don't, for one moment, think this is Santa Claus. I do, however, think this is the school janitor who's been living in his mother's basement the last 35 years.

---When did people working in those mall kiosks get so aggressive?

---This is the second time this has happened to me. One girl ran up to me with a tissue in her hand and said, "smell this."

---No!

---Ten minutes later, I am walking past another kiosk and another clerk asked, "can I have your hand please?"

---No!!!!

---The third one was a doozy. "Do you want to feel something really nice?"

---NO!!!!

---It was like I walked into a mall where prostitution was being offered up by Macy's>

---Can somebody explain this? This morning, I got an e-mail from an on-line store I have done business with.

---"Guaranteed delivery by Christmas."

---Huh? Now, on Christmas Eve, just how do you plan to do that? Please let me know because I've only ordered enough ham for six people.

---Next year, I want to sponsor a clinic on how to appear pleased when you open a Christmas present you detest.

---It's an art. Smile and say "wow." It immediately removes any doubt. Even though your insides are being ripped up about just what you're going to do with this bottle opener adorned with the picture of Bob Hope.

---Or the gift of a book with 2000 Jumble puzzles.

---I will never live long enough to do 50 of them. Just how incredibly empty do you think my life is?

---ADB RENPSET.

---Of course, if you show an interest in something, you can count on getting every single present devoted to that subject. Dodger this, World War II that.

---I probably now have more literature devoted to World War II than the Winston Churchill war room.

---Thanks, but no thanks.

---No gadgets and especially no food that most humans wouldn't eat the other 364 days of the year.

---You know what I'm talking here. Chocolate covered whiskey shots. Rum cake. Fruit cake. Anything peppermint.

---Thanks, but no thanks.

---And please don't give me subscriptions to food. I go to the supermarket weekly and don't need to shop around that monthly delivery of cheese.

---Who actually looks forward to March when they deliver that big chunk of Monterey Jack?

---Now, let's talk about Christmas cards. This year, with the economy flagging, I've gotten less cards as stamps are apparently cost prohibitive.

---So, people are resorting to personal e-mail greetings, which are fine. And e-cards coming from reputable places like Hallmark are nice, too.

---But I have some folks who have been sending me Powerpoint slides that have frozen my computer twice and has my McAfee Virus firewall working overtime.

---Thanks, but no thanks.

---How confusing is it for little kids to listen to different Santa voices on different radio stations? It's amazing that the myth hasn't been completely destroyed for every five-year-old.

---Because how can you comprehend when Santa is on the urban radio station talking about being up in Mrs. Claus' Kool-Aid so he can guess the flavor?

---So, we still can't find Osama Bin Laden but NORAD can track Santa's every stop on Christmas Eve? I'm just saying.

And, to all a good riddance. Well, not really.

Dinner last night: Dried cappacollo and peppers on sourdough bread.