Four Shopping Wednesdays Till Christmas

Nothing is discounted here today. All jokes are full price.

---Black Friday was a disaster. Because nothing conveys the true spirit of Christmas better than a pistol fight at a toy store.

---That Walmart sale in Valley Stream, NY, literally had them bowled over.

---Of course, some poor employee/schmuck wound up as road kill.

---Or maybe it was Aisle 12 kill?

---If you read all the stories about these horrible incidents, you will discern one common denominator.

---I'll wait.

---Still waiting.

---This is called dark humor, my friends. In more ways than one.

---I call it all savage behavior.

---Democrats will tell you that it is hope and change.

---I had one lunatic "friend" tell me that all this frenzy was a result of Black people being beaten down by the economy.

---Oh, fucking please!!!

---Contrast this to pictures from the Depression of 1929 when hordes of people waited quietly in line for a piece of bread.

---I'd like to know how many of the chimps in the picture above went hungry on Thanksgiving. Or left that Walmart with a couple of iPhones in their shopping cart.

---Meanwhile, the President-Elect (or so all the placards tell us) helps the economy along by buying his wife a $30,000 ring as a thank you for all the support over the past two years.

---That's probably the annual salary for some administrative assistant now out of work. Yeah, he's in touch with all of us.

---Of course, Obama has now denied all of this.

---Uh huh. And now we'll wait for the National Enquirer who will probably produce a copy of the receipt.

---So, Hillary Clinton will get the 3AM call after all.

---"Is Bill there. Er, never mind."

---Since Obama is pulling in all of Clinton's old cronies, I'm wondering where Monica Lewinsky will be working.

---She'd love the new Oval Office. There's new berber carpeting.

---The big winner with Hillary moving to Washington? The state of New York.

---Now, I hear that Barry Obama is considering LA sleazoid Mayor Tony V for a Fed job.

----Please, please, please. Make that happen. Obama, I'd donate money to your next campaign if you take this cockroach off our hands.

---Maybe LA would finally get a mayor that spends more than 13 minutes a day on the job.

---I love the way Obama and Clinton are so kissy-kissy now after months of trashing each other.

---Sort of like when Sonny and Cher were doing their variety show after the divorce.

---Speaking of variety shows, were you one of the seven people nationwide who watched the Rosie O'Donnell afterbirth on Thanksgiving Eve?

---I watched about ten minutes out of sheer curiosity. The same way I can't help but stare at the JFK autopsy photos.

---If this show had been televised worldwide, this would no longer be a crowded planet.

---Rosie, now tipping the scales at around 300 pounds, lumbered her way into every act. Hogging the spotlight, literally and figuratively.

---What can you say when Liza Minnelli presents the most balanced performance of the night?

---There was not enough Visine in the house for me to wash my eyes out.

---This was probably the first Thanksgiving weekend where I didn't go to the movies. Because there was nothing playing.

---That ultra-dreary Vince Vaughn in a comedy? No, thank you.

---Nicole Kidman in some Australian epic that runs about three days? No, thank you.

---Transporter 3? As with the first two movies of the franchise, no, thank you.

---Frankly, I'd be a little scared if I heard the New York Giants offense was in shotgun formation.

---Well, at least, if you're bringing a gun to a nightclub, it's probably okay if you shoot nobody but yourself.

And I'm done shooting for now.

Dinner last night: Penne and meatballs.