Manny Being Barry

Well, so much for the Dodgers' promotion of Mannywood. Two field level seats steps behind the leftfielder plus two t-shirts. Quite a deal. On hold. At least until after the All-Star break when he is due back. For the time being, maybe they can work some sort of promotion around "Pierrewood." Because that's who will be playing left field at Chavez Ravine for the next little while.

It's old news already. Manny Ramirez suspended for 50 games because he took some kind of sexual enhancement drug. Actually one of those female pills that increases testosterone after you've gone through a steroid cycle. Heck, maybe Manny's simply trying to get his current main squeeze pregnant. How do you say "yeah, right" in Spanish?

Whatever. These days, the ideal baseball fan is one who works the counter at Walgren's. I don't understand any of it, except that it's all cheating and I'm sure a lot more bigger names do it as well. Albert Pujols, there's a pee cup in your future . And, you, too, Big Papi---that dumbbell on the Red Sox who has inexplicably not hit a homerun since last September.

Manny claims his doctor prescribed this and did not realize it was on the MLB no-no list. Do I believe this? Maybe. Maybe not. I can't believe that the Commissioner's office doesn't have a website where players and doctors can check to see which drugs are verboten today. How stupid are they? How stupid are we?

Hell, Manny's physician just might actually be as dumb as a doorknob. We do know that Manny isn't using his off days to develop theorems on quantum physics. Is this innocence, guilt, or simply Memorex? We will never ever know. But the more I read and see of Manny, he strikes me as just a big kid who loves to play baseball. The type that might do or take anything to keep that world spinning at warp speed.

The Dodgers have gotten off to a monstrous start in 2009, due in part to Manny. But, not exclusively due in part to Manny. He is a big component of the team, but not the only one. I'm astounded by the handwringing that I heard yesterday. The team is destroyed. Boo hoo. They will never recover. Boo hoo. Do you offer any refunds on those season tickets you sold me? By the way, no, I don't.

Last I looked, baseball was a team sport. Played by a team. A team that picks one end up when another is down. If the 2009 Dodgers are resilient, they will hold together until Manny and his pill-swallowing self returns. Forget his nightly doubles into the corner. The Dodgers need another starting pitcher more than they need Manny at this juncture. If we suddenly learn that pitcher Chad Billingsley has tested positive, then we have ourselves a Titanic and an iceberg.

The key to the Dodgers enduring a Manny-less May and June is Joe Torre. This is the type of situation where he thrives. A manager who knows how to deflect all the bullshit and media hype from his players. If anybody can keep this team on a level course until July 3, it's Joe.

At the end of the day, I'm not devastated. Or suicidal. Or even surprised. This is what baseball has become in the post-Mark McGwire era. Like everything in our society, it's flawed and you are asked to accept that. Everybody cheats---from our baseball players to our potential Presidential Cabinet members. You have to take the lemons and the pits and somehow wind up with a delicious lemon drop martini. If baseball is truly like life, then the Dodgers just hit one of those many bumps in the road.

We press on. A little wearier. A little wiser. But, fans of our favorite team nonetheless. Rooting for the name on the front of the jersey, not the one on the back.

Dinner last night: Louisiana hot sausage at Dodger Stadium.