The Last Wednesday of 2009

Bombs away!

---Looking at this highly explosive underwear used in that plane fracas last week, there is now a new definition of "having a load in your pants."

---The burning question is why didn't this creep simply detonate while he was locked in the bathroom.

---After all, isn't that what Van Heflin did in "Airport?"

---My guess is that, since this was the end of a long flight, those bathrooms were so trashed that the guy didn't have room to pull the trigger properly.

---And he probably couldn't toss it down the toilet since it was undoubtedly already clogged with paper towels that aren't supposed to be thrown down there.

---This jerk tried to blow up his crotch. Does he really think that, in the afterlife, Allah has a new parts department?

---Now, we have the requisite hand wringing from President Urkel and company about lax airport security.

---Duh. The folks working the gates at any airport are one job removed from salting the French Fries at McDonald's.

---And now you won't be able to go to the bathroom during the last hour of any flight.

---The only thing that resulting from that new rule will be mega-profits for whatever company makes the industrial solution that cleans those seats.

---By March, most airliners will smell like your neighborhood nursing home.

---I can't believe the surprise from anybody that this nutjob could be loose. Or even exist.

---White House Press Numbskull Robert Gibbs was pretty laughable on TV. Said that the guy was on a watch list. And they were watching him.

---Not so much.

---Everytime something like this happens, it's the same folks. With the same qualities.

---Religion? Check.

---Ethnicity? Check.

---Skin tone? Check.

---So how come they're still patting down Grandma at the airport???

---Hello, Dummies. There are people in this world who have hated America for years.

---Long before Urkel. Long before Bush 2. Long before Clinton. Long before Bush 1.

---So, all the speeches and olive branches and Muslim unity really mean nothing. You might as well try to stab a grizzly bear with a Q-Tip.

---Here's my New Year greeting. Blow the shit out of them.

---Should old acquaintance be forgot...

---Blow the shit out of them.

---Let's drink a cup of kindness...

---Blow the shit out of them.

---Heck, it's not like there will be a lot of collateral damage. There's nobody over there. Most have migrated here.

---You think I jest? Take a look at any Beverly Hills shopping mall in December. You'd swear that Nordstrom's opened up a store in Baghdad.

---The health care bill passed through the Senate on Christmas Eve. The clock is now ticking.

---You officially have four years to plan your farewell appointment with your doctor.

---Twenty million more people enter the system. And no new doctors.

---You do the math. Because nobody in government apparently did.

---Went for my annual physical yesterday and I brought that up to my doctor. And he agreed!!!

---That's why he's MY doctor.

---By the way, I have the bloodwork of a 20 year-old.

---And the right knee of an eighty year-old.

---If you care, I'm in great health.

---The Obamas are on holiday vacation in Hawaii. I owe anybody $2,000 for a photo of Michelle getting her hair wet.

---A safe bet. She won't. Because the hair is a weave!!

---Ever see a Black woman at a public pool?

---Your honor, the defense rests.

---Just like the New York Giants last Sunday.

---And, is it me or can I actually tell the days that POTUS has hit the Just For Men dye bottle?

---Some days, he look as young as a whip. And, on others, the salt in his hair reminds me of Benson during the first season of "Soap."

---Or Chicken George in the last installment of "Roots."

---Every year around this time, I gain new readers.

---And I'm guessing, after that last riff, I lose them just as quickly.

---It's another wonderful holiday week in Los Angeles. Everyone worthwhile has cleared out of town. Except for me.

---Finally, with no traffic, you can complete a half-hour drive in 45 minutes.

---The only jerks still in town (except for me) are Mexicans looking to have their picture taken with Spiderman on Hollywood Boulevard.

---You can also tell it's the week between Christmas and New Year's. The only way you can get into Lawry's Prime Rib is if you're an out-of-town fan for one of the Rose Bowl teams.

---Here comes the Rose Parade!

---Out here in Los Angeles, it is shown on every single channel. English, Korean, Mexican, Armenian. And I think Bob Eubanks does the commentary on all of them.

---Seriously, there is one station here that airs the parade on a loop constantly. I think they finally stop it around Labor Day. Most of the flowers have been dead for months.

---This blew my mind. I parked my car on the street and popped a coin in the meter. (One of the few in LA that hasn't morphed into a pay station.) But I noticed I was hanging over into a red zone, so I got back in to move it slightly.

---You follow me so far?

---So, I get out of the car and proceed to the store I am checking out. But, a parking enforcement cop pulled up and approached me. A Black woman, FYI.

---"Sir, you need to put some money in the meter."

---I explained I already did. And, besides, there was already time on it.

---"That's a fine anyway. Yassir."

---Huh????

---Miss Thing pulled out some slip of paper that stated "failure to put a coin into a meter" is a 45 dollar fine.

---I couldn't believe what I was hearing. But, what if there is already time on the meter. Is that still a fine?

---"Yassir."

Welcome to America. But I still say we blow the shit out of them.

Dinner last night: Chicken crispers at Chili's.