If I Tweeted in March 2012

I don't, of course.  But if I did, here's what was on my mind this past month.

#LenSpeaks  March Madness is here.  When people who don't know anything about college basketball suddenly wind up with the winner of the Final Four.

#LenSpeaks   Oh, I see Fordham again is not found on my brackets.  The last time they made it in was about seven Popes ago.

#LenSpeaks  Lots of liberals are having a field day confusing Santorum with the word "sanitarium."  You would think that, by now, they could spell their home address correctly.

#LenSpeaks  Everytime I hear Mitt speak, I realize he's more of a Democrat than anything else.  He should change his last name to "Obamney."

#LenSpeaks  I'm on record.  I would vote for a gum wrapper over Obama.

#LenSpeaks  I would vote for a broken rubber band over Obama.

#LenSpeaks  I would vote for Warren G. Harding over Obama.  And, yes, I know he's dead.

#LenSpeaks  Sandra Fluke rhymes with another word that requires that three thousand dollars of contraception she needs.

#LenSpeaks  That's a hefty price.  Are condoms suddenly a commodity on the black market?

#LenSpeaks  I'm paying less for gasoline these days.  Ms. Fluke needs to learn how to price shop.

#LenSpeaks  Or date the night stockroom manager at CVS.

#LenSpeaks  The Obamas let their 13-year-old daughter go away on spring break in Mexico with 12 classmates and 25 Secret Service agents.  I can't wait for the wet t-shirt contest. 

#LenSpeaks  And that may or may not include the Secret Service guys.

#LenSpeaks  I guess it's okay to send your teenage daughter away to Mexico without real adult supervision.  As long as she's not eating HoHos from the snack vending machine.

#LenSpeaks  How come whenever you see news footage of tornadoes in the Midwest, they show you nothing but mobile homes?

#LenSpeaks  Probably because aluminum looks so much worse when it's twisted up like a pretzel?

#LenSpeaks  The same thing goes for earthquakes in Mexico.  I look at the ruined homes and I think "wow, that's about 35 dollars worth of property value?"

#LenSpeaks  It's midway through Spring Training and the Mets have already been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs for the next three seasons.

#LenSpeaks  I would say the Mets need a prayer, but it's the Jets who picked up Tim Tebow.

#LenSpeaks  Tebow should be at home with Jet fans.  They yell "Jesus Christ!" a lot, too.

#LenSpeaks  There's a new iPad out, which means I am now officially four versions behind.

#LenSpeaks  It's amazing how many people use electronic devices to be in touch and then are so hopelessly out of touch.

#LenSpeaks  There are so many news outlets that don't even report the slightest of unbiased news.

#LenSpeaks  These days, everybody has an opinion and puts it out on their stupid blog.  Oh, wait...

#LenSpeaks  I am being wheeled in for arthroscopic surgery on my left knee.  100, 99......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Dinner last night:  Chicken with capers and broccoli.