This Date in History - March 28

Happy Birthday, Mouseketeer Jimmy!

37AD:  ROMAN EMPEROR CALIGULA ACCEPTS THE TITLES OF THE PRINCIPATE, ENTITLED TO HIM BY THE SENATE.

I have no idea what this means, but, knowing Caligula, it must be dirty.

193:  ROMAN EMPEROR PERTINAX IS ASSASSINATED BY PRAETORIAN GUARDS, WHO THEN SELL THE THRONE IN AN AUCTION TO DIDIUS JULIANUS.

Pertinax?  Sounds like something that kills roaches.

364:  ROMAN EMPEROR VALENTINIAN I APPOINTS HIS BROTHER FLAVIUS VALENS CO-EMPEROR.

And nephew Ritchie was asked to play his music in the palace.

845:  PARIS IS SACKED BY VIKING RAIDERS.

Finally, another country chimes in.  I was getting sick of all this Roman bullshit, weren't you?

1776:  JUAN BAUTISTA DE ANZA FINDS THE SITE FOR THE PRESIDIO OF SAN FRANCISCO.

And boy, did they find it gets really cold during the day.

1794:  ALLIES UNDER THE PRINCE OF COBURG DEFEAT FRENCH FORCES AT LE CATEAU.

Le Cateau?  I think that's pretty highly rated in Zagat's.

1809:  DURING THE PENINSULAR WAR, FRANCE DEFEATS SPAIN IN THE BATTLE OF MEDELIN.

How bad an army did Spain have if they lose to the scummy French?

1836:  BREWER FREDERICK PABST IS BORN.

A blue ribbon baby.

1854:  DURING THE CRIMEAN WAR, FRANCE AND BRITAIN DECLARE WAR ON RUSSIA.

Talk about strange bedfellows.

1871:  THE PARIS COMMUNE IS FORMALLY ESTABLISHED IN PARIS.

Okay.  C'est officiale.  I am sick of France now.

1899:  BREWER GUSSIE BUSCH IS BORN.

It's a red letter day for beer drinkers.

1905:  ZOOLOGIST/TV HOST MARLIN PERKINS IS BORN.

Brought to you by Mutual of Omaha.

1907:  TALENT AGENT SWIFTY LAZAR IS BORN.

The original dirtbag agent.

1910:  HENRI FABRE BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO FLY A SEAPLANE NEAR MARTIGUES, FRANCE.

And....I am still sick of France.

1910:  TV HOST JIMMIE DODD IS BORN.

Don't you really want to know what his relationship with Roy was really about?

1939:  DURING THE SPANISH CIVIL WAR, GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO CONQUERS MADRID.

And ultimately will dominate the entire first season of Saturday Night Live.

1941:  WRITER VIRGINIA WOOLF DIES.

Who's afraid of you now?

1942:  DURING WORLD WAR II, BRITISH NAVAL FORCES SUCCESSFULLY RAID THE GERMAN-OCCUPIED PORT OF ST. NAZAIRE IN OCCUPIED FRANCE.

Occupied France?  I knew the streak wouldn't last.

1944:  ACTOR KEN HOWARD IS BORN.

The White Shadow.  He's so fat now that he's not just a shadow, but a total eclipse.

1946:  THE UNITED STATES STATE DEPARTMENT RELEASES THE ACHESON-LILIENTHAL REPORT, OUTLING A PLAN FOR THE CONTROL OF NUCLEAR POWER.

As opposed to the Acheson-Topeka-Santa Fe.

1953:  ATHLETE JIM THORPE DIES.

You can stop running now.

1955:  SINGER REBA MCENTIRE IS BORN.

I once rode an elevator with her.  She was very nice.  She pushed the button for me.

1969:  FORMER PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER DIES.

He never got to see the Mets in the World Series.

1976:  SILENT ACTOR RICHARD ARLEN DIES.

He was in Wings.  Now he's wearing them.

1979:  OPERATORS OF NUCLEAR REACTOR THREE MILE ISLAND FAIL TO RECOGNIZE A COOLANT LEAK.

Twenty years later, there are probably a lot of bald teenagers in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

1979:  CLOWN EMMETT KELLY DIES.

Now he really has nothing to smile about.

1985:  ARTIST MARC CHAGALL DIES.

Never have some simple paint spills been more revered.

1987:  SINGER MARIA VON TRAPP DIES.

The hills may be alive.  You, however, are not.

1990:  PRESIDENT GEORGE H.W. BUSH POSTHUMOUSLY AWARDS JESSE OWENS THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL.

Gee, thanks.

2004:  TV HOST ART JAMES DIES.

Say when?  God say...now.

2004:  ACTOR PETER USTINOV DIES.

When Hercule Poirot dies, does anybody else investigate?

2006:  AT LEAST 1 MILLION UNION MEMBERS, STUDENTS, AND UNEMPLOYED TAKE TO THE STREETS FOR A PROTEST IN FRANCE.

And the country gets in one last shot.  #OccupyAssholes.

Dinner last night:  Tortellini in butter sauce.