161: EMPEROR ANTONINUS PIUS DIES AND IS SUCCEEDED BY HIS ADOPTIVE SONS MARCUS AURELIUS AND LUCIUS VERUS.
One more son and this could have been a sitcom. "My Three Gladiators."
238: ROMAN SUBJECTS IN AFRICA REVOLT AGAINST MAXIMINUS THRAX AND ELECT GORDIAN I AS EMPEROR.
238 years in and the world is already a mess.
321: EMPEROR CONSTANTINE I DECREES THAT THE DIES SOLIS INVICTI (SUNDAY) IS THE DAY OF REST IN THE EMPIRE.
As if God's word wasn't enough.
1277: STEPHEN TEMPIER, BISHOP OF PARIS, CONDEMNS 219 PHILOSOPHICAL AND THEOLOGICAL THESES.
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the Seine.
1724: POPE INNOCENT XIII DIES.
Talk about your pretentious names. Everybody's got a little guilt inside.
1799: NAPOLEON BONAPARTE CAPTURES JAFFA IN PALESTINE.
Already, the Mideast is up for grabs.
1814: EMPEROR NAPOLEON I OF FRANCE WINS THE BATTLE OF CRAONNE.
Because Jaffa wasn't enough.
1849: BOTANIST LUTHER BURBANK IS BORN.
Beautiful Downtown Luther.
1850: SENATOR DANIEL WEBSTER GIVES HIS "SEVENTH OF MARCH" SPEECH ENDORSING THE COMPROMISE OF 1850 IN ORDER TO PREVENT A POSSIBLE CIVIL WAR.
As you will read in a moment....
1862: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, UNION FORCES DEFEAT CONFEDERATE TROOPS AT PEA RIDGE IN ARKANSAS.
A lot of hot air from Webster wasn't worth the saliva.
1876: ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL IS GRANTED A PATENT FOR AN INVENTION HE CALLS THE TELEPHONE.
The patent office put him on hold for ten minutes.
1900: THE GERMAN LINER SS KAISER WILHELM DER GROSSE BECOMES THE FIRST SHIP TO SEND WIRELESS SIGNALS TO SHORE.
The first transmission? "SEND MORE BRATWURST."
1912: ROALD AMUNDSEN WRITES THAT HIS EXPEDITION HAD REACHED THE SOUTH POLE ON DECEMBER 14, 1911.
It took him almost three months to find a pen?
1934: BROADCASTER WILLARD SCOTT IS BORN.
He wasn't born in the 19th Century? Damn, that's a surprise!
1942: TELEVANGELIST TAMMY FAYE BAKKER IS BORN.
She's dead already, which means that mascara kills.
1945: DURING WORLD WAR II, AMERICAN TROOPS SEIZE THE LUDENDORFF BRIDGE OVER THE RHINE AT REMAGEN.
Ah, the Bridge at Remagen. So, the movie was based on a true story.
1950: THE SOVIET UNION ISSUES A STATEMENT DENYING THAT KLAUS FUCHS SERVED AS A SOVIET SPY.
I bet he was. Which means that Russia really fuched up with this one.
1952: FOOTBALL PLAYER LYNN SWANN IS BORN.
The most un-football name ever.
1960: TENNIS PLAYER IVAN LENDL IS BORN.
He's retired already. God, am I getting old???
1965: ON BLOODY SUNDAY, A GROUP OF 600 CIVIL RIGHTS MARCHERS ARE FORECFULLY BROKEN UP IN SELMA, ALABAMA.
Unrelated question: does Costco sell high-powered hoses?
1967: ALICE B. TOKLAS DIES.
You should have skipped the brownies.
1985: THE SONG "WE ARE THE WORLD" IS RELEASED.
And I'm nauseous all over again.
1986: POLITICIAN JACOB JAVITS DIES.
He always looked more like a salesman at Moe Ginsburg.
1986: DIVERS FROM THE USS PRESERVER LOCATE THE CREW CABIN OF CHALLENGER ON THE OCEAN FLOOR.
Nothing to preserve there.
1988: ACTOR DIVINE DIES.
That had to be an interesting job for the mortician who dressed him.
1991: BASEBALL PLAYER COOL PAPA BELL DIES.
Officially renamed "Ice Cold."
1994: THE US SUPREME COURT RULES THAT PARODIES OF AN ORIGINAL WORK ARE GENERALLY COVERED BY THE DOCTRINE OF FAIR USE.
That's for anybody who's thinking of starting a blog called "Glenn Speaks."
1999: DIRECTOR STANLEY KUBRICK DIES.
He didn't make it to 2001.
Dinner last night: Cornish pasty at the home of my good friend Barbara.
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