490 BC: THE CONVENTIONALLY ACCEPTED DATE FOR THE BATTLE OF MARATHON. THE ATHENIANS AND THEIR PLATAEAN ALLIES DEFEAT THE FIRST PERSIAN INVASION OF GREECE.
How come nobody bothered to fight the subsequent Persian invasion of Glendale, California?
372: JIN XIAOWUDI, AGE 10, SUCCEEDS HIS FATHE RJIN JIANWENDI AS EMPEROR OF THE EASTERN JIN DYNASTY.
Nothing worse than a pushy ten-year-old.
1229: THE ARAGONESE ARMY UNDER THE COMMAND OF JAMES I OF ARAGON DISEMBARKS AT SANTA PONCA, MAJORCA, WITH THE PURPOSE OF CONQUERING THE ISLAND.
With the purpose of conquering the island? What else do you do with an army? Go food shopping at Costco?
1609: HENRY HUDSON BEGINS HIS EXPLORATION OF THE HUDSON RIVER WHILE ABOARD THE HALF MOON.
The last known date when that river was considered clean.
1846: ELIZABETH BARRETT ELOPES WITH ROBERT BROWNING.
To write lots of poems, which eveyr ninth-grade English is now stuck reading.
1848: SWITZERLAND BECOMES A FEDERAL STATE.
Yodels for everybody!
1885: ARBROATH 36-0 BON ACCORD, A WORLD RECORD SCORELINE IN PRO FOOTBALL.
Take Bon Accord with 37 points.
1888: SINGER MAURICE CHEVALIER IS BORN.
Thank heaven for big perverts.
1890: SALISBURY, RHODESIA IS FOUNDED.
And, thanks to this, we have a new way to cook ground beef.
1910: PREMIERE PERFORMANCE OF GUSTAV MAHLER'S SYMPHONY NO. 8 IN MUNICH.
Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snoring?
1913: OLYMPIC ATHLETE JESSE OWENS IS BORN.
Run,. baby, run.
1915: JOURNALIST FRANK MCGEE IS BORN.
"Mrs. Lyndon Johnson...Mrs. Lyndon Johnson...was unharmed...was unharmed." Folks, there's going to be only one reader who gets that gag, but, trust me, he's laughing his ass off.
1919: ADOLF HITLER JOINS THE GERMAN WORKERS PARTY.
He did it originally because somebody told him it was great to meet girls.
1933: LEO SZILARD, WAITING FOR A RED LIGHT IN BLOOMSBURY, CONCEIVES THE IDEA OF THE NUCLEAR CHAIN REACTION.
That's funny. All I think about at a stop light is what's on my super market shopping list.
1938: ADOLF HITLER DEMANDS AUTONOMY AND SELF-DETERMINATION FOR THE GERMANS OF CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
And that's what happens when you don't meet any girls at the German Workers Party.
1940: ACTRESS LINDA GRAY IS BORN.
As Sue Ellen Ewing, who knew alcoholism could be so sexy??
1940: BASEBALL PITCHER MICKEY LOLICH IS BORN.
Met fans hate this fat bastard because he was traded for Rusty Staub.
1942: US MARINES PROTECTING HENDERSON FIELD ON GUADACANAL ARE ATTACKED BY JAPANESE FORCES.
This battle was a turning point in the war...and John Wayne's movie career.
1943: ITALIAN DICTATOR BENITO MUSSOLINI IS RESCUED FROM HOUSE ARREST BY GERMAN COMMANDO FORCES.
"Thank God he's out of the house"----Mrs. Mussolini.
1944: SINGER BARRY WHITE IS BORN.
He died in 2003, which mean love is not unlimited.
1945: CONDUCTOR JOHN MAUCERI IS BORN.
He led the Hollywood Bowl for a number of years and, boy, he's missed now.
1952: STRANGE OCCURRENCES, INCLUDING A MONSTER SIGHTING, TAKE PLACE IN FLATWOODS, WEST VIRGINIA.
Somebody would have said they saw Elvis, too, but nobody knew who he was yet.
1955: ACTOR PETER SCOLARI IS BORN.
A bosom buddy.
1959: PREMIERE OF BONANZA, THE FIRST REGULARLY SCHEDULED TV PROGRAM PRESENTED IN COLOR.
You finally could see the color of all those nice dresses. Oh, wait, there were no women on this show.
1974: EMPEROR HAILE SELASSIE OF ETHIOPIA IS DEPOSED FOLLOWING A MILITARY COUP.
Selassie, Go Home.
1977: SOUTH AFRICAN ANTI-APRTHEID ACTIVIST STEVE BIKO IS KILLED IN POLICE CUSTODY.
No relation to Sgt. Bilko as played by Phil Silvers.
1984: DWIGHT GOODEN SETS THE BASEBALL RECORD FOR STRIKEOUTS IN A SEASON BY A ROOKIE WITH 246.
If you can believe this, he was even better the following season.
1992: ACTOR ANTHONY PERKINS DIES.
Mother? Mother?
1993: ACTOR RAYMOND BURR DIES.
He finally loses a case.
1994: FRANK EUGENE CORDER CRASHES HIS CESSNA 150 INTO THE WHITE HOUSE'S SOUTH LAWN, STRIKING THE WEST WING AND KILLING HIMSELF.
Frank McGee reports that Mrs. Lyndon Johnson...Mrs. Lyndon Johnson...was unharmed...was unharmed. Oooh, I hear that one guy laughing again.
1994: ACTOR TOM EWELL DIES.
Born in 1909. The 85 Year Itch.
2001: ANSETT AUSTRALIA, AUSTRALIA'S FIRST COMMERCIAL INTERSTATE AIRLINE, COLLAPSES AND LEAVES 10,000 PEOPLE UNEMPLOYED.
Yeah, but, at least, they were still alive. Unlike 3,000 Americans the day before.
2003: SINGER JOHNNY CASH DIES.
Now the rest of his family can dress in black.
2005: HONG KONG DISNEYLAND OPENS.
Who that dog? Pruto???
2008: IN LOS ANGELES, A METROLINK COMMUTER TRAINS COLLIDES WITH A FREIGHT TRAIN AND KILLS 25 PEOPLE.
I didn't think there were even 25 people who regularly use the Los Angeles train system.
Dinner last night: Salad.
1 comment:
Linda Gray still hammy after all these years.
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