Moron of the Month - October 2012

No, not her. 

The current First Lady of the nation certainly is no moron.  She’s wily.  She’s crafty.  She knows what she wants and how to get it.  That’s not stupidity, in my book.  And, besides, I won't say that publicly.  I don't want to be audited for the next five years.

Nope, the morons this month are those of you who buy into Michelle Obama’s act.  That she’s some caring and loving individual.  That’s she the beacon of simplicity.  That’s she’s your average American mom. 

Because she’s none of those things.  She’s about as close to June Cleaver as Fidel Castro is.  A woman that would throw you and your family under the next bus without a thought. 

I know people who worked with her when she was a lawyer in Chicago.  The current public persona is a myth.  She’s a screamer.  Rude, abrasive, and uncaring.  “A horror to work with.”  Note the quotation marks.  That’s a real statement.

Yet, there are some of you clowns who actually have bought the White House’s marketing department concoction of what Michelle Obama is supposed to be.  She’s like you.  She’s struggling to raise her children in a busy and changing society.  She’s trying to make ends meet.  She’s so super supportive of her hubby.  And, oh, wait, she shops in Target.

Puh-leze. 

She hasn’t seen the inside of any department store in years.  Nor a kitchen.  Or a vegetable garden.  Hello?  Put those manicured nails in dirt?  Come on.  Are you that naïve?  Is there that much gullibility in the world?

Apparently.

Here’s a woman who has been such a lightning rod in her past that the White House wranglers had to work overtime to find a public First Lady cause for Michelle Obama.  All First Ladys have one.  Nancy Reagan hung with Gary Coleman and told kids not to use drugs.  Laura Bush pushed reading skills.  Hillary Clinton, well, was focused on her next job, but I digress.

But, given Michelle’s past volatility, they needed to come up with something as vanilla as possible.  Oh, wait, here’s a perfect one.

Fat kids.

Let's fix the eating habits of the chubbys and chubbettes in school.  After all,  their parents are way too busy to keep their children away from the Yodels and Ring Dings.  Somebody needs to help them control their food intake.  Might as well be the uber-gardening First Lady and some well-written federal regulations. 

These rules went into effect about a year ago and now school systems are going nuts trying to comply.  After all, Michelle Obama, who did not either major or minor in Nutrition when she went to college, knows what's right for your kids.   And your adoration of her doesn't help the argument. 

Out go Sloppy Joes.

Out goes Friday pizza at the cafeteria.

A candy snack after a tough World History test?  Forget about it.

How about a carrot stick?

A tasty radish will make you feel energized after gym class.

Have you ever tried hummus?

The good news is that your children are officially smarter than you are.  They are rebelling.  Taking all these new healthy lunches and throwing them in the garbage.  What seventh-grader wants to eat hummus anyway? 

I was a chubby kid in school.  I dealt with the jokes, the slowness, and the inability to successfully compete in that mandatory exercise where you had to run around picking up erasers in gym class.

My parents told me "you should lose some weight."

I went on a diet and did.  Done. 

I didn't need the government.  Or Michelle Obama.

Those of you who think you do.  Well, munch on some celery as you consider your status as this month's top moron.

Dinner last night:  Leftover bratwurst and red cabbage.