Your Weekend Movie Guide for February 2013

Another childhood cinematic memory.  The Wakefield Theater on White Plains Road in the Bronx.   I can vividly remember seeing some World War II films there with my dad.  "The Guns of Navarone" and "The Great Escape."  At this point, the theater was pretty much relegated to showing kung fu movies and anything with either Pam Grier or Superfly.  Looking more closely, the shoe repair store in the photo will have special memories for one of my good friends.

Sadly, there's not a lot of neighborhood theaters left to visit for a movie treat on the weekend.  But, Hollywood keeps on trying...always unsuccessfully.  You know the drill, kids.  I'll surf through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut reaction to the garbage being tossed on unsuspecting audiences this weekend.

Identity Theft:  Somebody please.  Find a way to end Melissa McCarthy's career.  There's a Nobel Peace Prize in it for you.

Django Unchained:  And, luckily for me, Django Unviewed as well.

Amour:  Perhaps the most depressing movie to ever be up for a Best Picture Oscar.   It makes "Schindler's List" look like "On the Town."  Well done?  Yes.  Gut wrenching?  Absolutely.

Escape from Planet Earth:  This is a cartoon.  Let me know when the real thing shows up..

Silver Linings Playbook:  It's got eight Oscar nominations.  Who said there's no upside to being bi-polar??

Zero Dark Thirty:  Reviewed here previously.  Very overrated.  And, in my fantasy world, I'd like to believe that Bin Laden was killed by Jack Bauer.

Lincoln:  It's like one long history class.  At least, there's no essay question at the end.

Life of Pi:  A yawn, no matter how you slice that Pi.

Bullet to the Head:   What it would take for me to see this Sly Stallone mess.

Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters:  They should team up with Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Killer.

Side Effects:  From what I could see from the trailer, the main one is drowsiness.  

Warm Bodies:  A romantic comedy that infuses with a horror movie.  Headless in Seattle.

Argo:   Here's an advance Oscar prediction for next Sunday.   This exciting film will take home Best Picture.

Mama:  A bloodfest starring Jessica Chastain.  Sounds like a Mama you don't want to remember.

Stand-Up Guys:  Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin as old codgers planning one last heist.  The way the first two always mumble, this film should come with subtitles.

Les Miserables:   I reviewed it here the other day.  I was surprised how much I liked it.  Perhaps clinical depression is in for 2013.

Beasts of the Southern Wild:  Sorry.  Not my cup of Mountain Dew.

The Impossible:  A family fights off the 2004 tsunami.  It's harrowing but a well done film.  Talk about needing a bigger boat.

The Gatekeepers:  A documentary about Israel's counter-terrorism group.  Say what you want about that nation, they know how to defend themselves.

Quartet:  Maggie Smith and a bunch of other oldtimers in a home for retired musicians.  Directed by Dustin Hoffman.  I think I'll stick to getting my Maggie-fill by watching the last episode of Downton Abbey, Season 3.

Movie 43:  A dozen short films stitched together by a bunch of directors.  Umm, if I have to watch short movies, they need to be featuring either the Little Rascals or the Three Stooges.

A Good Day to Die Hard:  Bruce Willis tries it one more time and each successive effort has been worse than the previous.  A Good Day to Stay Home.

Beautiful Creatures:  A man is attracted to a witch.  Yeah, who isn't?  Paging Elizabeth Montgomery.

Safe Haven:  A romance between Josh Duhamel, Julianne Hough, and Probably Not Me.

Saving Lincoln:  Historical spoiler alert....they didn't.

The Package:  Steve Austin and Dolph Lundgren.  Need I continue?

Murder 3:  A waitress discovers her boyfriend is hiding skeletons in the closet.
Only being shown in those states where two skeletons can marry.

Like Someone in Love:  In Tokyo, a young prostitute develops an unexpected connection with a widower over a period of two days.  Japan was better off when Godzilla was battling Mothra.

Shanghai Calling:  A New York attorney is sent to Shanghai on business, where he finds himself in a legal mess that threatens his career. With the help of a relocation specialist and her contacts, he soon learns to appreciate the wonders of Shanghai.  Personally, I have yet to appreciate the wonders of Chinatown.

Would You Rather:  Desperate to help her ailing brother, a young woman agrees to compete in a deadly game of "Would You Rather," hosted by a sadistic aristocrat.  And I would....all together now...rather not.

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch so just some yogurt and fruit.