350: THE ROMAN USURPER, NEPOTIANUS, OF THE CONSTANTINIAN DYNASTY, PROCLAIMS HIMSELF ROMAN EMPEROR.
Ne-potty-anus? Now there's a name they need to rethink.
713: THE BYZANTINE EMPEROR PHILIPPICUS IS BLINDED, DEPOSED, AND SENT INTO EXILE. BY THE OPSIKION ARMY IN THRACE.
It certainly sucks to be Philippicus.
1539: HERNANDO DE SOTO CLAIMS FLORIDA FOR SPAIN.
His little hideaway. Ole!
1781: JACK JOUETT BEGINS HIS MIDNIGHT RIDE TO WARN THOMAS JEFFERSON AND THE VIRGINIA LEGISLATURE OF AN IMPENDING RAID BY BANASTRE TARLETON.
I guess we never hear of the midnight ride of Jack Jouett.
1861: POLITICIAN STEPHEN A. DOUGLAS DIES.
Jeez, he didn't last long after those debates.
1862: A 3000-STRONG RIOT OCCURRED AT WARDSEND CEMETERY IN ENGLAND, SETTING OFF RUMORS OF BODY SNATCHING.
The Invasion of...
1866: THE FENIANS ARE DRIVEN OUT OF ONTARIO INTO THE UNITED STATES.
Who are they and why are we now stuck with them?
1885: IN THE LAST MILITARY ENGAGEMENT FOUGHT ON CANADIAN SOIL, CREE LEADER BIG BEAR ESCAPES THE NORTH-WEST MOUNTED POLICE.
And later opens his own ski resort in California.
1888: THE POEM "CASEY AT THE BAT" BY ERNEST LAWRENCE THAYER IS PUBLISHED IN THE SAN FRANCISCO EXAMINER.
Fitting given his size and that city became the future home of that lummox Barry Bonds.
1889: THE FIRST LONG-DISTANCE ELECTRIC POWER TRANSMISSION LINER IN THE US IS COMPLETED, RUNNING 14 MILES IN OREGON.
Let there be light. And, oh, yeah, air conditioning.
1911: ACTRESS ELLEN CORBY IS BORN.
Grandma Walton!
1916: ACTOR LEO GORCEY IS BORN.
An original Bowery Boy.
1925: ACTOR TONY CURTIS IS BORN.
Bernie Schwartz to you.
1929: TV PRODUCER CHUCK BARRIS IS BORN.
A Happy Birthday Kiss!
1937: THE DUKE OF WINDSOR MARRIES WALLIS SIMPSON.
Homer's sister?
1940: DURING WORLD WAR II, THE LUFTWAFFE BOMBS PARIS.
Mon dieu!
1941: DURING WORLD II THE WEHRMACHT RAZES THE GREEK VILLAGE OF KANDANDOS TO THE GROUND, KILLING 180 OF ITS INHABITANTS.
Wehrmacht? There Macht.
1943: IN LOS ANGELES, WHITE US NAVY SAILORS AND MARINES CLASH WITH LATINO YOUTHS IN THE ZOOT SUIT RUITS.
Glad to see nothing has changed.
1962: AT PARIS ORLY AIRPORT, AN AIR FRANCE BOEING 707 OVERRUNS THE RUNWAY AND EXPLODES WHEN THE CREW ATTEMPTS TO ABOUT TAKEOFF, KILLING 130.
Frequent flyer miles achieved: 0.
1963: POPE JOHN XXIII DIES.
And so begins the six months of funeral proceedings.
1965: THE LAUNCH OF GEMINI 4. ASTRONAUT ED WHITE PERFORMS THE FIRST AMERICAN SPACEWALK.
Just in case you thought this was first done by Michael Jackson.
1968: VALERIE SOLANAS, THE AUTHOR OF SCUM MANIFESTO, ATTEMPTS TO ASSASSINATE ANDY WARHOL BY SHOOTING HIM THREE TIMES.
That piece of scum!
1975: ACTOR OZZIE NELSON DIES.
The last adventure of Ozzie.
1980: THE 1980 GRAND ISLAND, NEBRASKA TORNADO - $300 MILLION DOLLARS IN DAMAGE.
You ever wonder if Home Depot secretly prays for these storms?
1992: ACTOR ROBERT MORLEY DIES.
A distinguished career, but everybody remembers him for those darn British Airways commercials.
1997: TV HOST DENNIS JAMES DIES.
But he did receive this nice consolation prize.
2001: ACTOR ANTHONY QUINN DIES.
You just know he was a creep in real life.
2009: ACTOR DAVID CARRADINE DIES.
Kung Fu this.
2010: ACTRESS RUE MCCLANAHAN DIES.
She was in the same scene with me in the only sitcom camera appearance I ever made.
2011: ACTOR JAMES ARNESS DIES.
Gunsmoked.
2011: SINGER ANDREW GOLD DIES.
How fitting that the writer of "Thank You for Being A Friend" should die one year to the day that Golden Girl Rue passed on.
2011: ACTIVIST JACK KEVORKIAN DIES.
So, who pulled the plug on him??
Dinner last night: Leftover sausage and peppers.
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