Morons of the Month - December 2015

A day or two after Thanksgiving, I was retrieving my mail.  In the pile was what appeared to be a Christmas card.   Wow, I thought.   Even though the holidays are a little compacted this years, that's still early.  I have one distant relative whose holiday card is always the first to arrive.  But she died a few months ago. I doubt she got that early a start.

I was curious to see who sent the card.   And then I looked down at the envelope more closely.    It was junk mail.   Made to look like your second cousin was sending you season's greetings.

It got me to thinking.   Here we are wrapping up 2015.   Technology has given us such wonderful advances in this glorious world.   Yet, each and every day, we are still beset with piles of junk mail.   How does this happen?

Meanwhile, look at your garbage letters today.   Marketers are trying every sort of trick to get you to think this is not junk mail.

The phony addressing in script.   Making you think you got a letter.  PS, as if anybody actually sends you a letter today.

The "You Must Open Now" demand on the envelope.   As if this was an emergency.

The "Return Receipt" request.   Um, don't tell me what to do.

Catalog upon catalog upon catalog selling stuff.   I've never ordered mascara.   Why am I being given this cool offer to do so?   Oh, wait, this is addressed to my wife.  Shows how up-to-date this marketing guru is.

Of course, we get nailed for one charity or another.   I feel a little guilty throwing these down the garbage shoot.   Especially when they've gone through the trouble of including a nickel in the envelope.  But, other than St. Jude's Hospital, I can't possibly entertain every one of these dread diseases.   Sorry.

Of course, the most laughable junk mail I have received are those letters from environmental groups with whole packets of information on how we are destroying the world around us.   How about the trees that died so these solicitations could live?  

How moronic is that?

There is a Do Not Call list that I keep joining for phone nonsense.  The calls keeps coming in.   Somebody tells me that there is a Do Not Send list.  I will join that but I assume it works as well as the government-run Do Not Call list.  

The problem is that I actually have lost bills and important mail by simply trash-chuting my daily present from the Post Office.   So, as a result, I have to carefully go through the pile to make sure I don't deep-six any checks or important payments due.  

All because these morons who work in these direct mail companies continue to come up with new and innovative ways to clutter our worlds.   

The bastards.

Dinner last night:  Leftover beef and veggies.