484: HUNERIC DIES AND IS SUCCEEDED BY HIS NEPHEW GUNTHAMUND, WHO BECOMES KING OF THE VANDALS.
Are these the same vandals you often find on the NYC subway system?
558: CHLOTHAR I IS CROWNED KING OF THE FRANKS.
I thought that was Oscar Mayer.
562: HAGIA SOPHIA IN CONSTANTINOPLE REOPENED WITH A REBUILT DOME AFTER A SERIES OF EARTHQUAKES CAUSED THE ORIGINAL TO COLLAPSE.
Are they going to put down some Astro turf?
679: KING DAGOBERT II IS MURDERED WHILE HUNTING.
Who shot him? A deer?
1783: GEORGE WASHINGTON RESIGNS AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF OF THE CONTINENTAL ARMY IN MARYLAND.
See! Telling the truth about that cherry tree did have some blowback.
1823: A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS, ALSO KNOWN AS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, IS PUBLISHED ANONYMOUSLY.
Anonymously? Okay, I'll come clean. I wrote it.
1893: THE OPERA HANSEL AND GRETEL BY ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK IS FIRST PERFORMED.
Okay, not that Engelbert Humperdinck.
1913: THE FEDERAL RESERVE ACT IS SIGNED INTO LAW BY PRESIDENT WOODROW WILSON, CREATING THE FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM.
Over a hundred years later, there's probably not much left in it.
1919: SEX DISQUALIFICATION (REMOVAL) ACT 1919 BECOMES LAW IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.
What? Who? How? Ouch.
1935: FOOTBALL STAR PAUL HORNUNG IS BORN.
For all you Cheese Heads out there.
1938: DISCOVERY OF THE FIRST MODERN COELACANTH IN SOUTH AFRICA.
Any guesses?
1941: WORLD WAR II - AFTER 15 DAYS OF FIGHTING, THE JAPANESE ARMY OCCUPIES WAKE ISLAND.
Oh, sure, they're on a roll. For now.
1943: ACTOR HARRY SHEARER IS BORN.
Smithers!!!!!
1946: ACTRESS SUSAN LUCCI IS BORN.
And her mother welcomed....all her children.
1947: THE TRANSISTOR IS FIRST DEMONSTRATED AT BELL LABS.
You mean I can hear radio out of this little thing?
1954: THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL KIDNEY TRANSPLANT.
And how many were unsuccessful?
1968: THE 82 SAILORS FROM THE USS PUEBLO ARE RELEASED AFTER ELEVEN MONTHS OF INTERNMENT IN NORTH KOREA.
Back then, they captured submarines. Today, they hijack computer servers.
1970: THE NORTH TOWER OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER IN NY BECOMES THE TALLEST BUILDING IN THE WORLD.
For the next 31 years.
1982: ACTOR JACK WEBB DIES.
The obituary you are about to read is true.
1982: THE US ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY ANNOUNCES IT HAS IDENTIFIED DANGEROUS LEVELS OF DIOXIN IN MISSOURI.
The stuff I wash my hair with is called Nioxin. I wonder what the hell kind of damage I'm doing to my scalp.
1986: VOYAGER, PILOTED BY DICK RUTAN AND JEANA YEAGER, LANDS IN CALIFORNIA, BECOMING THE FIRST AIRCRAFT TO FLY NON-STOP AROUND THE WORLD WITHOUT AERIAL OR GROUND REFUELING.
But I bet they still lost some luggage.
2000: ACTOR BILLY BARTY DIES.
He was 76, so he didn't come up that short.
2000: PIANIST VICTOR BORGE DIES.
Period semi-colon.
2010: A MONSOONAL TROUGH CROSSES THE NORTHEASTERN COAST OF AUSTRALIA FROM THE CORAL SEA.
Right in the middle of Australia's summer season.
2012: MURDERER JEAN HARRIS DIES.
Guilty.
Dinner last night: Leftover spaghetti and meatballs.
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