Monday Morning Video Laugh - February 29, 2016

Woo hoo!  A leap year laugh from Lucy.   And a little inappropriate these days.

Dinner last night:  Sausage chili.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Up and Down the Aisle with Grandma

More on this photo of my grandmother and...gasp...me in a moment.   But, first, I need to tell you what sparked this memory.

I am fresh back from a sojourn to New York after not being there since last July.  The good news is that nothing much changed except for a growing cobweb or two in my apartment.  Now, on my trips back, I immediately fall into a distinct pattern as soon as I arrive.   I usually take the same 7AM plane out of LAX for the same arrival at JFK by 330PM.  If all goes well, I am up in Westchester by 5PM.   I drop off my bags and immediately head out to the A and P super market to pick up some food.

Except...the A and P is gone.  

WTF!

I went to the other one I would frequent.  Also kaput.  Then I remembered reading that the chain closed hundreds of stores.   This deviation to my schedule was so devastating that I had to take a nap.

And I realized one more time.   That I am truly my grandmother's grandchild.

Now to the picture at the top.  You finally see Grandma. With me and my hand up Popeye. So to speak.

You'll notice there is a wristwatch on me, but not Grandma. The woman was timeless. But, still, growing up in my house, we had wall clocks and calendars all over the place. Frankly, we didn’t need them. You could always tell what day or time it was by paying attention to whatever my grandmother was doing. A set schedule of weekly activities that never ever varied one iota.

The morning hours after breakfast always were set aside for some sort of household chores. On Mondays, she descended down the cellar stairs to do the wash. The machine was circa 1935 and the clothes were wrung out through one of those mechanical rollers. I was always warned not to put my fingers anywhere near it. Tuesday mornings were one of two consecutive mornings devoted to cleaning her house. Major dusting. Living room, bedroom, and the stairs that went up to our apartment. With no door or wall separating our area, Tuesday was not a day you could sleep late. Because, by 830AM, there was Grandma on the top step. Wipe, wipe, spray, spray, wipe, wipe.

Wednesday mornings featured part two of the cleaning parade. Floors. With the vacuum. At perhaps the earliest hour you can imagine. Again, no sleeping late as the sound of this massive Hoover canister, probably purchased during the Eisenhower administration, could be heard from our house all the way to New Rochelle.

You get the picture?  Now I will explain why the closing of the A and P chain would have made her take to the bed.   She was at the super market in an almost ritual-like fashion once a week.

I got sucked into this Thursday morning project when school was out for the summer. My father would drive her to the A and P (and later Waldbaum’s) for the weekly grocery shopping. This took almost two hours as Grandma methodically propelled her shopping cart up and down every aisle. She carefully surveyed all the shelves as if some new amazing product would be added to the items on sale. Not that Grandma would deviate from anything she had routinely purchased for the past forty years. The same brand of chocolate chip cookies. The same little cans of Carnation Condensed Milk. The same box of H O Oatmeal. The same bag of specially ground Eight O’Clock coffee. You could take a picture of her cart one week and it would exactly the same the very next week. And her attention to the prices was almost Rain Man-like.

”You see this jar of pickled beets? Last week, it was 79 cents. This week, it’s 80 cents.” Nothing got past her. Amazing that she could read numbers, but not words.

Friday mornings were special. Her kitchen linoleum was washed and waxed. Every single week, as if Army troop maneuvers were regularly conducted there. By the time I was in high school, all the accumulated wax on the floor made the whole kitchen one inch higher. Of course, you risked life and limb walking through there if the floor was not 100% dry.

”Go out through the basement. The floor is not dry.”

I loved Grandma on Saturday mornings because that’s when baking would commence. An apple pie. A pound cake. A rhubarb pie. Some bread pudding. The aromas wafted through the entire house as if we were living next door to the Entenmann’s main headquarters. The finished product was always kept in her pantry and usually was missing a hunk as soon as I could sneak in there.

There were, however, some Saturday mornings we dreaded. When the bus would stop on the corner and out would come Grandma’s niece or cousin Adele. We were never quite sure of the familial connection because it was described differently on any given day. Nevertheless, Adele’s arrival heralded complete polarization. On one hand, she was more than welcome because she always brought these homemade strawberry squares which she had baked lovingly with about five pounds of butter. But, on the other hand, Adele’s visit could only mean one dreadful thing.

Grandma was going to be getting a Toni Permanent.

In her home upstairs, we would immediately go into Defcon 4.

”Quick, Grandma’s getting a Toni. Go close the door! And make sure the dog stays upstairs.” 

My mother began to bark like General Patton. But, if you did not react quickly, the rancid smell of a home permanent concoction could last for weeks. Luckily, this was only repeated on a Saturday once every two months.

Sunday mornings sometimes found her at the German service of our Lutheran church. But, you could always count on a big Sunday dinner getting cooked up for midday consumption. She used to eat around 1PM, but, as time wore on, she started eating earlier and earlier. Had she continued to live, by now, she'd probably be eating her Sunday dinner on Saturday night. 

Sadly, the great baking on Saturday didn't translate to phenomenal cooking on Sunday. Probably as a result of Depression living, Grandma made due with the barest of ingredients. Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup was used as spaghetti sauce. Salad dressing was some vinegar and a spoonful of sugar. Not even mixed together. Serviceable meals, but nothing from the annals of Rachael Ray.

Afternoons? More clock setting. A 45 minute nap on the couch, always referred to as "beauty sleep." Then, One Life to Live and General Hospital.

It might sound boring to you, but something worked about all this precision. The woman made it to the age of 92.

So maybe my copying one of her traits is not such a bad thing.

Dinner last night:  Prosciutto and argula on flatbread at the CineMark theater in Playa Vista.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - February 2016

If you have never seen "Victor/Victoria," you need to check it out.   Tons of fun and Julie Andrews was still singing back then.

Dinner last night:  Moo shu pork from Century Dragon.

Your Winning Oscar Ballot, Part 2

In an Oscar office pool?  No sweat, guys.  I got this for you.  Yesterday, I gave you a bunch of my guesses in the lesser categories this Sunday night.   Today, we tackle the real premium statuettes.   You'll thank me come Monday morning.

Best Supporting Actress:   Okay, let's first rule out the non-contenders.  Rachel McAdams was decent in Spotlight, but it was truly an ensemble piece.  Jennifer Jason Leigh in the Hateful Eight?   I hear the movie was pretty darn hateful.   It's tough when you ask old Academy members to sit through three hours of garbage.   I'm sure Rooney Mara in Carol was captivating but I'm wondering how many people made it through the first half-hour without falling asleep.  I sure didn't.  I hated the Steve Jobs movie and I have no clue what was so wonderful about Kate Winslet's performance.  So, by process of Len's elimination, the winner is ALICIA VIKANDER for The Danish Girl.   You got to give an actress props when her leading man turns out to be prettier than she is.

Best Supporting Actor:  Everyone raves about Christian Bale's work in The Big Short but I thought it was better suited for the showcase window at your local Honeybaked Ham store.  I did not see Tom Hardy in the Revenant, as I prefer to keep my cinematic bear sightings relegated to Yogi and Boo Boo.  Mark Ruffalo was terrific Spotlight but, like Rachel McAdams, he will get lost in what was basically an ensemble film.  In most years, Mark Rylance would win for his superlative portrayal of a Cold War spy in Bridge of Spies.  But, wait. Hollywood always like to give out lifetime achievement awards.   And there he is.  Rocky Balboa, 2015 edition.  Indeed, he was actually the best thing in this otherwise mundane film,  The winner...by TKO...is SYLVESTER STALLONE for Creed.

Best Actress:  I loved Charlotte Rampling in 45 Years and adored her even more for telling some of the dissenting Academy members to get a freakin' life about all that diversity nonsense.  Okay, Charlotte, there goes Will Smith's vote. Jennifer Lawrence could do no wrong in Joy, but she actually has had better roles.  Saorise Ronan was way too understated in Brooklyn, a movie that was mostly about Ireland.  Cate Blanchett has become the new Meryl Streep and now gets nominated for reciting her order at the deli counter in Pavillion. Again, were there any Academy members whose eyelids made it through Carol intact?  Indeed, this particular award is a lock.  Just like the one that was on the shed in which she was imprisoned for five years.   The winner is BRIE LARSON for Room.

Best Actor:  How many Academy members nominated Bryan Cranston not for his work in Trumbo but because they liked him in Breaking Bad?  Just sayin'. Matt Damon wasn't all that memorable in The Martian and actually too much screen time was devoted to events not on the planet Mars.  I totally loathed the Steve Jobs movie and, as a by-product, I couldn't stand Michael Fassbender's work in it.  Eddie Redmayne did a terrific job in The Danish Girl and I completely forgot he wasn't a chick.   Indeed, with that beautiful red hair, he should be considered for the role of Lucille Ball in Aaron Sorkin's upcoming biopic.  But, again, Hollywood likes to reward actors for their work over several years not just one movie.   And, as the first Growing Pains actor to be given an Oscar, the winner is LEONARDO DICAPRIO for The Revenant.  Sorry about that, Kirk Cameron.

Best Director:  Major props go to longtime film director George Miller for directing Mad Max: Fury Road at the age of 70.  While the Academy would normally like to honor him at this time, the winner of the DGA award usually scores big here.  The winner, as he was last year for Birdman, is ALEJANDRO G. INARRITU for The Revenant.

Best Picture:   A lot of the time, most folks know the winner of this award weeks in advance.  There have been few surprises in this category.  This year, it might be different and threatens to be the difference maker in office pools all across the country.  Let's first rule out the non-contenders amongst the eight nominated films.  Brooklyn?  Nope.  Bridge of Spies?  I loved you, but nope. Room?   I love you, too, but nope.  The Martian?  Meh.  Okay, I think this comes down to the other four movies and I keep hearing it is close.   Mad Max: Fury Road just gobbled a whole passel of technical Oscars, so it's definitely got a chance.  But, the Academy loves to spread the luster around.  The Big Short is a favorite of those Hollywood people who hate the 1 percent, even though they are part of that group.  I hear the Revenant turns off as many people as it turn on and his excessive grunts and groans qualifies it to be, as my good friend and fellow Oscar pooler Dennis remarked, a three-hour commercial for Dulcolax. It's damn close, but I am going to pick the movie that I liked the best in 2015. The winner is SPOTLIGHT.   

You will thank me in the morning.  Or...maybe you won't.

Dinner last night:  Long travel day, so nothing.  

Your Winning Oscar Ballot, Part 1

Hello, gorgeous.   The Oscar, not you Barbra.

It's that time of year again.   That idiot in IT has just sent around an Oscar ballot for you to fill out.  And, oops, you haven't seen a single thing in the theaters since Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid jumped off that cliff.   Well, don't fret.   I am here to help you win that 25 dollar gift card from Starbucks.

I'm in a pool myself every year with my two good NY chums, Lorraine and Dennis.  Starting with guessing the correct nominees in the major categories, we compete against each other for the most accurate guesses in all categories on Oscar night.   The winner gets dinner paid for by the other two.   And, much to their chagrin, I've seen more of Dennis and Lorraine's Visa cards than they have of mine.

This year might be no different.  Going into Oscar weekend, I'm already at 29.   Lorraine is at 26 and Dennis is one behind her.  But anything can happen when you have to guess Best Animated Short.  Especially since we have gone to weighted points on categories like that.

Still, I'm confident.   And if you copy my answers, you should be, too.   Let's start today with all the crappy stuff nobody really pays attention to. 

Like...

Live Action Short: These days, you can actually see these nominees in a theater or on-line.  Lorraine and Dennis do just that.   As for me, I guess based on subject matter.   Race, the Holocaust, children with cancer, and any kind of persecution usually wins. Hello?  There is one this year about nuns living in Israeli.  That actually could be a sitcom log line.  I also think it's the likely victor.  The winner is AVE MARIA.

Documentary Short:  Oh, so easy this year.   There's one about doctors fighting the Ebola outbreak in Africa.  That clicks most of my boxes.  The winner is BODY TEAM 12.

Animated Short:  Where's Bugs and Daffy when you need them most?   I'm thinking the Pixar one about some Indian boy and his Hindu religion makes the most sense.   The winner is SANJAY'S SUPER TEAM.   Next?

Documentary Feature:  I saw two of the nominees!  In the totally talented-but-completely-fucked-up singer competition, we have films about Nina Simone versus Amy Winehouse.   The latter film stuck with me longer and I do enjoy that clearly prophetic last name.  The winner is AMY.

Animated Feature:  Go figure.   The only nominee I saw was the one I thoroughly hated.  The winner is INSIDE OUT.  Disney, please make a cartoon about little boy empowerment for a change.

Foreign Language:  You can never top the Holocaust when it comes to this category.  It's ideal for those Academy members trying to make amends for not going to temple during the High Holy Days.  The winner is SON OF SAUL.

Sound Mixing:  I'd like to meet a sound mixer just to learn about what the hell a sound mixer does.  The winner is a movie that I thoroughly missed but got tons of nominations this year---MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

Sound Editing:  Star Wars fans didn't count on another big action picture coming out and stealing their thunder.  The winner is MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

Visual Effects:  See Sound Editing.  The winner is MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

Production Design:  See Sound Editing and Special Effects.  The winner is MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

Makeup and Hairstyling:  Damn.  I better check this movie out.  The winner is MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

Costume Design:  Yep, Mad Max is nominated here, too.  But some of the pundits are saying this belongs to the 1950s fashions featured in Carol.  I, however, napped right through that thing.  My best guess here is a Disney live action film based on one of their cartoons.  The winner is CINDERELLA.

Film Editing:  Okay, now I really better see this film.  The winner is MAD MAX: FURY ROAD.

Original Score:  John Williams is nominated for the umpteenth time with his work in the new Star Wars film.  But how much of that score is a variation of what he did back in 1977?  Sorry, Star Wars, you picked the wrong year to come out with a new chapter.  The winner is THE HATEFUL EIGHT.

Original Song:  Remember when these nominees were always from the biggest films and wound up as huge hits on the radio? Um, no more.  These year's batch are from the following movies.  Spectre, Youth, Fifty Shades of Grey, Raising Extinction, and the Hunting Ground.  I'm guessing they will give it to the song from the movie I know the least about.  The winner is "TIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU"  from the Hunting Ground.

Cinematography:  This award usually sidles up to the winner for Best Director. My guess on that will be revealed tomorrow, but here's a spoiler alert.  The winner here is THE REVENANT.   And an interesting side note?   This will be the third winning year in a row for cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki.

Adapted Screenplay:  For taking a thoroughly confusing subject matter and making it understandable, the winner is THE BIG SHORT.

Original Screenplay:  Even though I actually know one of the nominated writers for Straight Outta Compton, I was totally mesmerized by the story being told in SPOTLIGHT.

Okay, come back tomorrow for the really big categories.

Dinner last night:  General Tso's Chicken.

This Date in History - February 24

Happy birthday, Dominic "Junior Soprano" Chianese.

303:  GALERIUS PUBLISHES HIS EDICT THAT BEGINS THE PERSECUTION OF CHRISTIANS IN THE ROMAN EMPIRE.

As if this happening today in the Mideast is a new thing.

484:  KING HUNERIC REMOVES THE CHRISTIAN BISHOPS FROM THEIR OFFICES AND BANISHED SOME TO CORSICA.

Ditto.

1387:  KING CHARLES III OF NAPLES AND HUNGARY IS ASSASSINATED AT BUDA.

Naples and Hungary?  That's a pairing you'd only find on a Monopoly board.

1582:  WITH THE PAPAL BULL INTER GRAVISSIMAS, POPE GREGORY XIII ANNOUNCES THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR.

Calendar available with every car wash.

1607:  L'ORFEO BY MONTEVERDI, ONE OF THE FIRST OPERAS, PREMIERES.

Let the naps begin.

1803:  IN MARBURY V. MADISON, THE SUPREME COURT OF THE US ESTABLISHES THE PRINCIPLE OF JUDICIAL REVIEW.

Marbury by TKO.

1809:  LONDON'S DRURY LANE THEATER BURNS TO THE GROUND, LEAVING OWNER RICHARD SHERIDAN DESTITUTE.

Should have called Allstate.

1815:  INVENTOR ROBERT FULTON DIES.

Folly.

1831:  THE TREATY OF DANCING RABBIT CREEK, THE FIRST REMOVAL TREATY OF INDIANS, IS PROCLAIMED.

Yeah, now you pissed them off.  Or so says John Wayne.

1848:  KING LOUIS-PHILIPPE OF FRANCE ABDICATES THE THRONE.

Mon Dieu!

1863:  ARIZONA IS ORGANIZED AS A US TERRITORY.

Good.   Just in time for spring training.

1868:  ANDREW JOHNSON BECOMES THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE US TO BE IMPEACHED BY THE HOUSE.  HE IS LATER ACQUITTED IN THE SENATE.

Gee, Monica Lewinsky sure got around.

1909:  NELLIE CONNALLY IS BORN.

And died in 2006.   The last one to die of those in that fateful Dallas limo.

1920:  THE NAZI PARTY IS FOUNDED.

Dues are payable...IMMEDIATELY!!!

1921: ACTOR ABE VIGODA IS BORN.

Go fish.

1931:  ACTOR DOMINIC CHIANESE IS BORN.

Also quite the Italian singer.

1942:  THE BATTLE OF LOS ANGELES, ONE OF THE LARGEST DOCUMENTED UFO SIGHTINGS IN HISTORY.

Meanwhile, the illegal aliens will ultimately win.

1946:  COLONEL JUAN PERON ELECTED TO HIS FIRST TERM AS PRESIDENT OF ARGENTINA.

Not crying for you.

1955:  BUSINESSMAN STEVE JOBS IS BORN.

Some sort of computer guy.

1968:  VIETNAM WAR - THE TET OFFENSIVE IS HALTED.

Tet's all, folks.

1980:  THE US OLYMPIC HOCKEY TEAM COMPLETES ITS MIRACLE ON ICE TO WIN THE GOLD MEDAL.

A really big deal in Al Michaels' house.

1983:  A SPECIAL COMMISSION OF THE US CONGRESS RELEASES A REPORT THAT CONDEMNS JAPANESE INTERNMENT DURING WORLD WAR II.

A practice started by FDR.   I'm just saying.

1990:  BASEBALL PLAYER TONY CONIGLIARO DIES.

He never saw it coming.

1990:  PUBLISHER MALCOLM FORBES DIES.

Subscription cancelled.

1990:   SINGER JOHNNIE RAY DIES.

Now we really cry.

1991:  GAME SHOW HOST JOHN CHARLES DALY DIES.

What's his line?  "Corpse."

1991:  COMIC GEORGE GOBEL DIES.

Now he's really lonesome.

1994:  SINGER DINAH SHORE DIES.

See the USA...in a hearse.

1998:  COMIC HENNY YOUNGMAN DIES.

Take my life, please.

2006:  ACTOR DON KNOTTS DIES.

He lived two floors above me in this apartment building.

2006:  ACTOR DENNIS WEAVER DIES.

McCloud now with the clouds.

2014:  ACTOR HAROLD RAMIS DIES.

Who you gonna call?

Dinner last night:  Turkey burger at the Westchester Burger Company.

Happy Anniversary...or Not

On a quiet Monday morning in their home nestled in the quaint English countryside, we meet Kate and Geoff Mercer as they plan their 45th anniversary party for the end of the week.  Childless, they have just each other and are looking to celebrate their union after have to cancel their 40th anniversary party due to Geoff's bypass surgery.   

And then the postman brings Geoff a letter.   And that very simple and seemingly uneventful plot line gets enormously complicated.   Geoff learns that his former fiancee, Katya, has been found dead.   Frozen under an icy glacier somewhere in the Swiss Alps and that's one gruesome way to go.   This news unlocks a flood of memories for Geoff.   And a hornet's nest of emotions for Kate who did not even know of Katya's existence in her husband's life.

"45 Years" by director Andrew Haigh is one of those quiet movies that actually has an underlying scream.  Nothing happens and yet a lot happens.   Kate notices that Geoff is still obsessed with Katya.   He sneaks up to the attic at night to run old slides of them together.   And, suddenly, Kate can smell a strange perfume in the house.   

As Geoff's obsession grows, so does Kate's.  And you rightfully expect an explosion at the anniversary party.

But, indeed, everything that "45 Years" does is in mannered emotions and feelings.  You can feel the pain of the characters but it doesn't hit you over the head with anger.   The ordeal is all very civilized, even if the characters are falling apart right before your eyes.

Charlotte Rampling as Kate has been nominated for an Oscar and rightfully so. Like Jennifer Lawrence's work in "Joy," the film succeeds completely because she has carried in on her back.   Except, in "45 Years," you can't overlook the wonderful portrayal of Geoff by legendary British actor Tom Courtenay.   He was unfortunately overlooked by the Academy and definitely lends to the film's power.

You live through this somewhat harrowing week with these characters not knowing exactly what will happen at that anniversary party.   And, just like in real life, the ending is left a bit ajar.  You think you know what happens next.   But you may not.

Like the title of today's piece, is it a happy anniversary?  Or not?  The question is left dangling at the end and you think about it on your way home.  When a film makes you think about it days later, you know it's a darn good one.

LEN'S RATING:  Three-and-a-half stars.

Dinner last night:  Pot roast and vegetables at the home of good friends Jill and Larry.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - February 22, 2016

Yes, we still miss Johnny Carson.

Dinner last night: Leftover sausage and peppers.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - November 2015

You may be wondering.   What kind of a cheat is this?   Calling up memories from just a few months ago.  How nostalgic can that be?

Well, pretty darn.   Because it was a month of my existence that I will never get back.   And ranks perhaps as the single worst month of my life.   

Luckily, I have had some great memories since to take the sting off those 30 days last Fall.   But I will never forget how I felt and I will endeavor to never feel that way again.

Of course, that will require me to never again trip over my own two feet and shatter my right kneecap.

Yeah, well.

I'm generally in pretty good health.   My internist has frequently said during annual physicals that I've got the blood work of a twenty-year-old.   Of course, I've got the knees of an eighty-year-old and that negates some of the positives. But, by and large up to 2015, I'm notoriously healthy.

Then we get the floating gallstone which never really gets diagnosed and treated for about six months, thanks to an idiotic radiologist who misread some MRI results.  And that problem became very acute in November. Persistent abdomen pains.   The taste and smell of bile in my head.  Liquid coming out of me in colors I have not seen before.   And the inability to eat, since any food down the gullet prompted a series of dry heaves.

So, combine those problems with a fractured kneecap and you've got a November to dismember.   

You see the photo above on the day of the fracture.  Halloween.  For the first time ever in my life, I am the one being taken to an emergency room as opposed to being the one taking somebody else.  That's my foot at the end of the gurney, post X-ray.  A series of pictures that were so horrifying that my friend could actually read the results herself.   I'm told surgery is pending.   Even a shot of morphine did nothing.

For the first time in my life, I need crutches and I have to rely on others to pick up my mail.  Move my laundry basket from my bedroom to the washer and dryer.  And even pick up the Los Angeles Times lying outside my front door.

For a week, I was hopping around my apartment on crutches.   With the eating problems, I certainly wasn't cooking.  If I ingested more than 600 calories a day, it was a lot.   My meals consisted of toasted English muffins and cups of Greek yogurt.  

Even on one leg, I was committed to taking a shower a day and washing my hair.   Somehow I was able to do this but it required an hour of my time each morning for a ten minute shower.  Putting on socks took another hour. Frequently, I didn't even want to get out of bed.   I was so sick of my comforter that I threw it out on December 1. 

To make matters worse, the owner of my condo paid a visit one Sunday.  Not to make sure I was managing okay with the crutches.  Nope, he wanted to tell me personally that he was raising my rent 700 dollars.   Eventually, I will have the last laugh on him.  But, in November 2015, it was brutal news. 

I suddenly realized how quickly your mind can go from positive to negative thoughts.  It can happen in an instant.  I was so down about my situation that I wondered if I would ever recover.  Is the downward and fatal spiral in health that happens to all of us eventually?  

You do end up thinking weird things when you are alone and incapacitated.  

Still, I strove to work and write every day, although my production was extremely limited and unsuccessful.  I was faced with a visit to an orthopedic surgeon who would review my situation.  The process of getting there was tantamount to landing soldiers on Normandy Beach in June of 1944.  Luckily, the prognosis there was not as grim.  No surgery was required on the kneecap. It would heal on its own as nature intended.  

The only problem was that I had to wear a knee immobilizer for a month.  This contraption did slip under my pants and could be concealed but was the equivalent of what President Franklin Delano Roosevelt wore.  It was clunky, awkward, and painful.  Another half-hour every morning was devoted to strapping on that device.  But it allowed me to ditch the crutches.  And now it only took me ten minutes to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I have never slept as much in my life as I did in November of 2015.  The naps took me away from misery.  This was strange coming from somebody who likes to be fully awake and alert a lot of the day.  I had to cancel two trips to NY, including my annual early December visit to see some Broadway shows.  

I consumed my days sitting in the recliner with this hunk of metal and plastic and velcro propped up like meat hanging in a butcher shop window.   Because I wasn't cooking or really eating, my choice of television fare was truly suspect.   I watched lots and lots and lots of the Food Network.  It kept me going.  I savored all the chefs sharing their thoughts on what to make for Thanksgiving. I myself would not be cooking this holiday for the first time in years.

I was truly kicking myself while I was down.

Because the fracture was on my right knee, I couldn't drive.   But I was bound and determined to do so.  And, as soon as I mastered the FDR-like brace, I dragged myself down to the garage and lowered myself into the car as if I was Tom Hanks getting into the capsule on the set of Apollo 13.  That process alone was another hour out of my busy day.

I desperately wanted to be part of life again and, thankfully, my childhood best bud Leo offered to come up and take me to the movies.   As much as I despise Daniel Craig as James Bond, I thoroughly enjoyed Spectre.   Indeed, it could have been the worst movie in the world and I would have been a happy camper.

I was back out amongst the living.

My goal for normalcy was Friday, December 2.   I had a business meeting scheduled at William Morris and my aim was to walk into those offices without the aid of crutches, a cane, or a sherpa.  And I did.  I walked with a slight limp but I worked that seamlessly into the discussion.  

That was the turning point and suddenly I became myself again.   I looked back at the 30 or so days of November 2015 and remembered how low I got.  I learned for the first time ever how an upbeat personality can be altered with the flip of a switch.  Or the crack of a knee.  Ultimately, the gallstone was removed.  The knee has returned to almost a creaky normal.  And I am in NY today.

This is a Sunday memory that I will tuck away for posterity, but hope to never revisit again.

Dinner last night: Sausage, peppers, and onions at Carlo's in Yonkers.

  

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - February 2016

One of the more lush TV themes.   Of course, it was composed by Henry Mancini.

Dinner last night:  Grilled vegetables at Il Bacio iu Bronxville.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for February 2016

Here's the historic Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard back in 1955 when a subway train blew air up Marilyn's skirt.   Or something like that.  Note the big sign heralding that this film was in Cinemascope.  Back then, movie theaters were surprisingly in a fight for patrons against that new fangled television set in the living room.  So they used gimmicks like wide screens and stereophonic sound to lure folks back in from of the big screen.

It's hard to believe that the motion picture industry was that vulnerable in the 50s.  Today, there's plenty of room for both film and TV.  The only trouble is that there's usually nothing good to see in either place.   But, at least this February, we have the Oscar nominated stuff dominating your local cineplex. With the awards one week away, let's see what's cluttering our movie houses.   You know the monthly routine, gang.   I'll sift through the entertainment section of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to what's playing.

At least at the Chinese Theater, you can go and look at the footprints if the movie inside sucks.

Brooklyn:   Like the borough, this thing is still hanging around.   And the more I think about this film, the more I think I overrated it when I first saw it.

45 Years:   Blog review coming.   Worth your time.

Creed:   Reviewed here recently.   Not worth your time.

The Big Short:   Reviewed here recently.  Perhaps one of the two movies that could wind up as Best Picture.   

Spotlight:  Reviewed here recently.   The other movie that could wind up as Best Picture.

Bridge of Spies:   I finally caught up to this flick On Demand and enjoyed it thoroughly.   A stylish piece of history from Steven Spielberg.   I never reviewed it, but it's definitely getting three-and-a-half Len stars.

Carol:  Blog review coming.   If I can stay awake.   Get the picture?

Hail, Caesar!:   I had five friends who saw it opening weekend and hated it. Then my pastor tells me she loved it.   How does one reconcile that disparity??

Room:   Reviewed here recently.  Great performance by Brie Larson, not the cheese.

The Lady in the Van:   Proof that Maggie Smith can't simply be nominated for every single role.

Son of Saul:  To be followed by Saul Meets Godzilla.

The Good Dinosaur:   Only for those who haven't lost faith in Pixar.

Crazy About Tiffany:   A documentary all about that story that has nothing but blue boxes.

Anomalisa:  This is one of those weird adult animated films that probably makes no sense.   Gimme me Bugs and Daffy any day.

Cabin Fever:   A remake of a 2002 horror film and....why????

We Are Twisted F...ing Sister:   A documentary about...um, duh.

Race:   All about Jesse Owens and the 1936 Berlin Olympics.   You see how that title has a double meaning?   I bet you thought I wasn't going to pick up on that.

The Forbidden Room:   A movie that allegedly involves a submarine, a woodsman, cave dwellers, vampire bananas, Charlotte Rampling, and Geraldine Chaplin.   That's a joke all by itself.

Forsaken:  A western with Kiefer and Donald Sutherland.   Oh, how cute is that?

Snowtime!:   An animated musical from France about a snowball fight.  I'm not kidding.

Risen:   All about Jesus' final weeks.   As if he's starring on Broadway.

Concussion:  Blog review coming.  A head injury all to itself.

Daddy's Home:  Will Ferrell stars.   So is Len.

The Danish Girl:  I finally got to see it via a screener.  Good performances.   Eddie Redmayne is one good looking chick. 

Dirty Grandpa:  Robert DeNiro has no bad script filter whatsoever.

Fifty Shades of Black:  Gee, are we going to go through every crayon in the Crayola box?

How to Be Single:   Now they come up with a manual???

Deadpool:  It's not about predicting which celebrity will die next?

The Revenant:  A friend had a great line.   Told me this movie has so many weird noises that it sounded like a two-and-a-half hour commercial for Dulcolax.

Where to Invade Next:  More crap from Michael Moore.   He loves most European countries more than America.   So move already.

13 Hours:  You won't find Hillary Clinton eating her Goobers at this movie.

Star Wars - The Force Awakens:   It won't stop playing until it has our very last dollar.

The Hateful Eight:   I hear that the first two thirds of this three hour long effort are terrific, but that the last hour is virtually unwatchable.

The Finest Hours:  One of those rescue sagas that saves everybody but the audience.

The 5th Wave:   The world is ending...one more time.

Misconduct:  A young attorney is caught between his firm's senior partner (Al Pacino) and a drug mogul (Anthony Hopkin).  Well, that's a terrific pairing.   So how come I have heard zero about this movie?

Joy:   Blog review coming, but here's a sneak preview.   Surprisingly better than I thought.

Ride Along 2:   Stop it before it kills again.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich at the New York apartment.

A Star Is Born...Again

Well, we already knew that Jennifer Lawrence was a star, but her latest triumph "Joy" solidifies her stature one more time.   This girl can really act and I was surprised to learn she's only 25.   There is a long, long career ahead of her provided her agents know how to pick good scripts.

Indeed, "Joy" might not have worked without anybody else in the lead.  It did not get good reviews and, besides the Oscar buzz for Lawrence, most friends told me they did not like it.   But I felt I needed to see for myself.   And, frankly, "Joy" is one of those tour de force performances that actually elevates a mediocre screenplay to soaring heights.   

This is a true story about famed TV shopping network star Joy Mangano who struggled to get past her dysfunctional family upbringing to make a name for herself.   Actually, she literally cleans up as she invents a miracle floor mop as well as some other nifty inventions for the home.   Joy goes from rags to riches and you follow the painful journey with her.   Lawrence brings out all the suffering and, as a result, you are completely invested in the character from virtually the first reel.

For me, who only really watches home shopping networks to laugh at the stupidity, this enlightened me to the actual world behind the scenes of these huge, money-making conglomerates.   Bradley Cooper, who along with co-stars Lawrence and Robert DeNiro appear in every movie director David O. Russell ever does, gives us a guided tour of then-QVC and that alone is worth the price of popcorn.

There are some wonderful touches in "Joy."  Her mother is addicted to soap operas and you see the same actors doing the same scenes over and over even though the movie spans almost twenty years.  You also get to enjoy Susan Lucci and my old "Knots Landing" Donna Mills on the big screen and that, for me, was worth the price of the Buncha Crunch I bought at the concession stand.   And, of course, "Joy" treats us to Melissa Rivers (!!!) playing her own mother Joan who also crafted a cottage industry selling crappy jewelry to housewives in Bumfuk, Iowa.  

I don't understand the bad reviews for "Joy," because I was captivated the whole way through.   But, at the same time, I realize it probably would not have worked with anybody else but Jennifer Lawrence in the lead role.

And I am betting she's going to give us a lot more...ahem...joy for many years to come.

LEN'S RATING:  Three-and-a-half stars.

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch so nothing really.

This Date in History - February 17

Happy birthday, Michael Jordan.   This day also marks the first day ever of excessive perspiration.

364:  ROMAN EMPEROR JOVIAN DIES AFTER A REIGN OF EIGHT MONTHS. HE IS FOUND DEAD IN HIS TENT UNDER SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES.

CSI Rome.

1500:  DUKE FRIEDRICH AND DUKE JOHANN ATTEMPT TO SUBDUE THE PEASANTRY OF DENMARK.

The Dukes of Denmark.

1600:  THE PHILOSOPHER GIORDANO BRUNO IS BURNED ALIVE FOR HERESY IN ROME.

Got a match?

1621:  MYLES STANDISH IS APPOINTED AS FIRST COMMANDER OF THE ENGLISH PLYMOUTH COLONY.

Myles to go before he rests.

1753:  IN SWEDEN FEBRUARY 17 IS FOLLOWED BY MARCH 1 AS THE COUNTRY MOVES FROM THE JULIAN CALENDAR TO THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR.

If your birthday is on February 18, 1752, you're still one year old.

1801:  AN ELECTORAL TIE BETWEEN THOMAS JEFFERSON AND AARON BURR IS RESOLVED WHEN JEFFERSON IS ELECTED PRESIDENT BY THE US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.

I bet Florida screwed up again.

1854:  THE UNITED KINGDOM RECOGNIZES THE INDEPENDENCE OF THE ORANGE FREE STATE.  

So I guess it's grapefruit juice every morning?

1864:  AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - THE HL HUNLEY BECOMES THE FIRST SUBMARINE TO ENGAGE AND SINK A WARSHIP, THE USS HOUSATONIC.

Who's a tonic??

1904:  MADAMA BUTTERFLY RECEIVES ITS PREMIERE AT LA SCALA IN MILAN.

One of two operas I ever saw in person.  ZZZZzzzzz.

1908:  SPORTSCASTER RED BARBER IS BORN.

Call a doctor.

1909:  TRIBAL LEADER GERONIMO DIES.

He finally jumped.

1919:  ACTRESS KATHLEEN FREEMAN IS BORN.

You know her face.  She was in every film comedy ever made.

1925:  ACTOR HAL HOLBROOK IS BORN.

And so, in a way, is Mark Twain.

1933: THE BLAINE ACT ENDS PROHIBITION IN THE US.

First round on me.

1933:  NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE IS FIRST PUBLISHED.

The waiting rooms of dental offices have never been the same.

1944:  WORLD WAR II - THE BATTLE OF ENIWETOK ATOLL BEGINS.

Sounds like something out of Star Wars.

1949;  CHAIM WEIZMANN BEGINS HIS TERM AS THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF ISRAEL.

Le Chaim!

1959:  VANGUARD 2, THE FIRST WEATHER SATELLITE, IS LAUNCHED TO MEASURE CLOUD COVER DISTRIBUTION.

Yep, that's a cloud over there.

1962:  ACTOR JOSEPH KEARNS DIES.

Hey, Mr. Wilson!!!

1963:  BASKETBALL STAR MICHAEL JORDAN IS BORN.

What were the odds?

1965:  THE RANGER 8 PROBE PHOTOGRAPHS THE MOON'S SEA OF TRANQUILITY AS A POTENTIAL LANDING SITE FOR APOLLO 11.  

And look...parking is free after 6PM.

1972:  CUMULATIVE SALES OF THE VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE EXCEED THOSE OF THE FORD MODEL T.  

This time, the Beetle is doing the squashing.

1974:  ROBERT K. PRESTON, A DISGRUNTLED US ARMY PRIVATE, BUZZES THE WHITE HOUSE IN A STOLEN HELICOPTER.

In the days before drones.

1980:  THE FIRST EVER WINTER ASCENT OF MOUNT EVEREST.

Whoever they are, they's freakin' nuts.

1982:  ACTOR LEE STRASBERG DIES.

Is he dead or just very convincing?

1996:  WORLD CHESS CHAMP GARRY KASPAROV BEATS THE DEEP BLUE COMPUTER IN A MATCH.

Reboot.

2010:  ACTRESS KATHRYN GRAYSON DIES.

Anchors aweigh.

Dinner last night:  Leftover chicken sausage and red cabbage.